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#505675 - 01/14/17 10:18 AM Suffering
Tryingtolive Offline

Registered: 02/15/15
Posts: 810
Another day goes by
As I lay awake.
Over worked with thoughts.
Thinking I cannot not change.
Can't leave this dark place Iam in.
It's like taking a jump off a cliff.
Filled with adrenaline.
And feelings of anxiousness and numbness over work my body.
Down i go into my sorrows.
Too much time alone.
I continue to cast myself out.
As I'm free falling all these regrets surface my mind.
All these emotions I can't describe.
Loud screams no one hears in my mind.
I lay awake.
This feeling constantly overworking your mind body and soul.
And not having a fix.
As I continue to suffer.
hope runs low.
But that's all I have left.
The jump is over.
As I'm able to feel again.
It's a sudden rush.
Overloaded with fright and anger.
I know these feelings will repeat themselves.
The cycle is vicious.
Suffering to suffer again.
I must learn to deal with it.
Manage it.
Cope with it.
As Stressful as it is.
My parachute keeps me safe.
Tommorow when I take that jump.
And I'm overloaded with those feelings.
When I open my parachute.
I hope to see a beautiful view and ignore everything else.
Be in the moment.
Enjoy it and look how far I've come.
I don't seem to realize the good things.
Out of any situations.
My mind goes into flight mode.
System over load.
False alarms.
I just want to know when it will end.
A fix to these malfunctions.

Suffering in pain
Find peace in suffering

#505694 - 01/15/17 12:30 AM Re: Suffering [Re: Tryingtolive]
Ceremony Offline

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 2552
Loc: Minnesota
Yes Ttl, "hope runs low" and the "cycle is vicious".

It's good to read you're writing about going skydiving. Like you're doing it? That seems obvious, but my thoughts are all screwed up and my insecurity rules right now.

It would seem an act of getting out of oneself. To be feeling that adrenaline of living. Pushing for hope.

I know I post too much. Sorry for that. Hope you're well.

#505702 - 01/15/17 04:39 AM Re: Suffering [Re: Tryingtolive]
Elad1 Offline

Registered: 01/12/16
Posts: 200
Loc: In The Treehouse

There is hope in this poem despite the pain I know so well. I was on a short depressive wave but still debilitating and deadly. Your words do comfort me which makes no sense, but they do probably because they express honesty which to me those who express honestly are highly regarded and highly respected.
"Truly, once the Way is lost,
There comes then virtue;
Virtue lost, comes then compassion;
After that morality;
And when thats lost, there's etiquette,
The husk of all good faith,
The rising point of anarchy"

Verse 38 Tao Te Ching

...and from here I begin the process to heal.


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