I understand and know that thinking well. Ttl, in your other post "update" I found part of my inner child. Thank you. Here, I can validate your mind storms, the hamster wheel run of thoughts, the frequency of distraction, the push and pull of the inner discussion.
I'm going to try to love myself a little today. I'm going to see if it works. It always makes me cry to have ANY thought I'm lovable. Totally washes me in pain and self doubt. Like, DON'T lie! I'm not lovable, I'm a scapegoat, a punching bag, a subject outside of normal purposes. A left over. But, after all that... giving the derision of past experience a matter of fact acknowledgment, it can be shelved. I 'll open a new page thank you very much.
Loving myself seems an odd concept? Some poetry is brewing in me. Paper and pencil time... without a computer, my writing has slowed dramatically. I have a lot of little notebooks though, some filled, some need my attention.
Best wishes Ttl.