Reading your posts is a little depressing, and I'm sorry you're in such an unhappy emotional state. But if you dwell on how bad off you are, you could easily miss some of the positive things.
For six months now you've been taking your meds, and even though you say "it's the only thing I'm living for," in the simple act of taking them there becomes a purpose in life and living. There is an end result: continued good health.
There's no way to sugar coat it, getting a positive diagnosis must be a real downer. But you just have to accept the fact that that's the hand you've been dealt. Since the management of the shelter has indicated to you that you seem so much better off than the average resident, he must see something in you that you've been missing. He must face heartbreak, despair and hopelessness on a daily basis and knows what that's like, so you no doubt are different, you possess some spark of vitality or life affirming energy he recognizes that would put you on a destiny for good things. It's not in the shelter.
I'm not at all familiar with New York rental laws and regulations, but with an $1100 rental allowance why does through a broker have to be the only way for you to get out of the shelter. Can you not do this on your own? An apartment with this rate may not be an ideal situation, but it MUST be better than the degrading Shelter conditions you described. Even though it may be outside the area you would prefer.
Maybe it's time to put first things first. Taking your meds is a very positive thing to do, it highlights taking care of Yourself, plus it reinforces your self worth, and it keeps you from dwelling on the shame or guilt that can creep in when we just don't feel good physically. Taking meds is a positive first step. But the second step Should Not Be about finding that certain someone, although loneliness is real. It should be about getting out of the shelter and away from all that negativity you deal with every day you're there. Early on you should be thinking about finding some type of work. I don't believe you've mentioned a job or prospects for employment, but it's so important to be employed, doing something, anything. Even if it's only volunteer type work, even volunteering at the shelter. One of the most fulfilling and self affirming things is to be gainfully employed.
You may be saying "Sure it's easy for you to say, but you don't know how hard I have it." And you would be right. I don't know how hard your life is. But I do know something about being without a job, and without hope. And I'm absolutely certain that the routine of going to a job (even one you may hate) is a whole lot better than sitting around feeling like there's no hope, my life is useless.
Obviously, I don't know your circumstances. But I hope you will seriously consider doing whatever it takes to get out of the depressing living conditions you are in, and I hope you will actively try to find some type of work. Plus the income would be nice, too. I think only after you have better living conditions and gainful employment should you be concerned with finding that special person to make your life even more meaningful, and there IS someone out there. The fact that you want to be honest and above board in a relationship is another reason to realize you have a lot going for you in any relationship.
Consider why you chose the nickname "earthman" A man of the Earth is one who is alive and vibrant, full of expectancy, able to deal head on with the harsh realities of life that we must face. Always, for every darkness there's the light of a new day. A new beginning, always a fresh start.
It's trite but true, one day at a time. Hang in there, it really does get better.
Whether you say, "i can't do this," or say, "I CAN DO THIS" You're Right.