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#50302 - 07/03/03 12:33 AM Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
confused_n_alone Offline

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
Hello people....

I really really need some help I am scared iam going to snap.

And i can see it coming which scares me even more.. On sunday i ended up in jail because in ontario even a percieved threat of spoucel abuse by the police or chance of abuse is a felony and i can go to jail which is what happened.. I got angry and frustrated grabbed the smokes and off i went to jail.........and spent the night.
Thank god no charges were laid.

And Please Please don't get me wrong i am not condoning my behaviour it scares me and it scared the cops.. with what potential damage i could cause i say potential because it didn't escallate to physical vilonce but i don't know how i can handle this?? The cops are concerned my wife is concerned my whole family is and all i want is to hide away stay away from every body so i can't hurt them.

My anger and my mood swings i am begining not to be able to control and sunday was a indication of that..

I know i can't isolate myself So there is always going to be that possability and to me that sickins me i feel helpless like i did when i was young lassing out at anybody that said the loved me

My wife doesn't understand neather does my family they all say that anger is a part of the healing

fuck them i don't want to get angry i want pure fucking rage i want to hurt something or someone or just not feel at all.. put me in a place where where the people i care for can be safe..

I love them too much to hurt them but staying increasses the chances of me hurting them
i leave and i hurt them still i cant find a compramis i can't feel comfortable with myself and what could happen

And the thing is it isn't just my famly anymore its the people i work with i just have no use for them and the scary thing is i don't think io would have a problem striking out with them or a strange or just some poor fuck that bumps me on the bus home..

It is taking every thing i can muster not to lash out

really need some advice

Confused and alone


A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

#50303 - 07/03/03 12:57 AM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

It's a good thing you can recognize that you need help, you need to catch yourself.

Do you have a therapist? If so, please let them know what's happening with you. If not, is there a close friend who would listen to you that you trust yourself not to hurt?

Can you get to a gym for a workout? Lifting weights and other strenuous exercise can work off a lot of "angry energy." If not, are you a runner or bicyclist? See my point? If you can find ways to burn energy, lots of energy, you might be able to work through some of the anger, wear yourself out.

I've read about guys punching pillows, or smacking them with bicycle tire tubes (something like that) to make a nice loud sound.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#50304 - 07/03/03 04:34 AM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Jason - Anger can be a scary, frustrating place to are doing the right thing reaching out, asking for help. I hope you do have a therapist because he could give you some powerful help with this issue. If not, let me do some sharing.

First, you may consider seeing a therapist.

Second, most anger is really a secondary emotion. This means there is usually something we feel or encounter within ourselves BEFORE the anger or rage explodes. If you could identify what precedes your rage, become aware of that feeling/etc. then when you feel that surfacing - plan to take a time out, journal, refocus your thoughts away from that preceding feeling, etc.

Third, the more stress you are under, the more vulnerable you are for anger, impulsivity, etc. Watch your stress levels and when you feel stress building within yourself, make a plan to de-stress yourself. There are many books about Stress Reduction that do work.

Take my #1 suggestion seriously, Jason. A good therapist with anger management training can spot the triggers and issues very quickly. They also have many, many ways to outfit you with a personal plan that works!!

Anger is a serious issue and, yes, can be one of the many symptoms of CSA BUT it doesn't have to control you!!! Good luck with your search and anger resolution!!


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#50305 - 07/03/03 04:51 AM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
andrew-almost52 Offline

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Jason, being in jail isn't cool, neither is freaking out and being a threat to yourself or your family. Have you considered medication? Getting a therapist might take too long. Go to your local medical clinic and tell a medical doctor that you are totally stressed out and feeling rage. I suspect he may help you chill out by giving you some medication to calm you down. Obviously a therapist is needed, but in the meantime, getting some medical help might be appropriate. Peace, Andrew

#50306 - 07/03/03 06:15 AM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
bowman Offline

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Good job on recognizing that you need to reach out. Isolating isn't going to help you any more. Vent at this forum if you want. The other posts have good suggestions. We are here for you.

#50307 - 07/04/03 09:44 PM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
MEC Offline

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 62
Loc: NJ
Hi Jason,
Wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but it seems all above have some good advise.

I just wanted you to know I know the fear you have of a rage that can come on so suddenly and uncontrollably.

I hope you find peace.


#50308 - 07/05/03 09:40 PM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I do not know so much as the other people here. Also, I have yet to have so much anger of this, other than what is within myself and at myself. It is good thing, that you do recognize these emotions within yourself, and that you are having such distress with them. I think others here give you much good advice. I would echo that, although with the medicines, I just start this week, and am told they may take some weeks to have good effect. I think if you do that, until that occurs, you will still need outlet of your anger. Some kind of physical activity, that may help release that anger and stress, so that you feel safer with your family and people you work with. Good luck to you.

Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#50309 - 07/06/03 06:53 AM Re: Help !!!!!!! I can't Stop the Anger & Mood Swings
jwh Offline

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
Man, I can identify with your post. My rage was almost always directed at me; I would cut myself and zone out by doing so, or else lose myself in raging music and very violent fantasies.

I know you are feeling "crazy" and probably very bizarre, but your feelings and behavior are a very natural (and common) reaction to sexual abuse. You sound like you get into a "fight or flight" state fairly easily, probably when things trigger your fear and hurt (fear and/or hurt usually underlie anger).

Some things that can provide some preliminary help are sitting down and writing out, in as much detail as possible, what your triggers to fear and hurt are. Thus, when you feel yourself getting angry again, you can work on getting in touch with the trigger itself rather than losing yourself in anger.

Also, creating an anger plan when you are not already escalated, with specific behaviors you will do, such as calling someone, walking away, going for a walk/run, journalling, hitting something such as a mattress, various other things that might work for you. It's very important to write those out when you are calm, in anticipation of escalating again, and having immediate access to that list if you get triggered.

Seeing a therapist who understands abuse issues and a psychiatrist for possible medication are definitely crucial. But the above are some things you can do for yourself.

With love,

"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division


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