Earlier this morning as I was thinking of my childhood while I was using a power trimmer in my garden. While I was cutting some bushes I heard my eldest sibling's voice say "Poor Eeeeeelad!!" I always hated when he said this, he would say it at some emotional expense as a result of an injustice I experienced even as an adult. I think him and my other abuser sibling are narcissists. Anyway when I heard his voice I immediately felt shame and then and I was on the verge of saying I hate myself when a stronger voice spoke "NO, HE WAS A BRAVE BOY AND YOU ARE A BRAVE MAN NOW."
Wow, I am at home sitting on a chair reflecting about this morning. How ironic I feel when I was using this beautiful trimmer and how I saw the leafs fly through the air and hearing the crunch and snap sound of branches being cut because this is a visual allegory of my current status of my healing. I have been blessed with 10 months of progress in recounting my truth and confronting my abuser. What better metaphor I can write with the symbol of a bush trimmer to reflect the action of cutting unhealthy people from my life. I feel good, this is healthy, I am progressing, and I shout out for self compassion, "I LOVE ELAD."