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#50223 - 05/27/05 06:45 PM Re: Just a question - got a bit out of control
scooter Offline

Registered: 05/23/05
Posts: 76

I struggle w/ the exact same thing. I actually developed asthma and allergies as a response to the fear. Each moment I got more strength and control and clarity each got better. Since I began to recognize and name my abuse I have had no allergies. I feel my fears leaving my day to day and I'm getting stronger. Still, when I go there I have all the fear, shame, guilt; but since I've gone back with more strength I am beginning to feel the anger and actually taking control of it all in my mind.

During sex my wife is being extra careful with me at the moment, but I'm to the point where I want her to be in control more because I've seperated our sex from the abuse. I am a controling person, and I am realizing that many times in the day I am back there, and now that I am letting go of some of the control I'm back there more, facing more. I can never control the experience I had, but I am realizing that I don't ever have to worry about it happening again. I try to always be aware of where I am now in reality when I go back, and try to be more aware when I am back there that I am in reality still here.

#50224 - 05/27/05 07:13 PM Re: Just a question - got a bit out of control
PD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/18/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Southeast USA

I also struggle with control issues. My childhood abuse experience made me feel the need to control everything. As my recovery evolves, I have been able to let more and more go and see, by experience now, that I don't have to control everything. As far as sex, I nearly destroyed that for my wife. I obsessed over it, 24/7 and actually pushed her away. We are in a better place with it now. I don't have to control that anymore either. Once all the abuse garbage is out in the open and you are dealing with it the best you can, life gets better. I haven't thrown or broken things (a huge problem in the past) in almost two years now. The rage has disipated.

Keep going on the journey my friend, you'll get there.

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