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#4985 - 10/10/05 02:58 AM 3 things you'd want others to know
Livingfaraway Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 1
Hi all. New to this. Got directed to MS from a friend who shares a survivors' support group w/ me. I'm presenting on this topic at a teacher's conference & want to know, from my fellow survivors, what are 3 things you want other people to know about you, as a survivor?

Whatcha think?

#4986 - 10/10/05 03:05 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
1. Don't tell me to "get over it".
2. Understand that it's affected me in every way I relate to others.
3. Ask me sometime how I'm doing.

Good thread.


#4987 - 10/10/05 03:13 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
1/ Sometimes I am the quiet bloke that hides in the corner - sometimes I am the one making all the noise. This thing does not distinguish between those extremes.

2/ I am the under achiever that everyone else considers is an achiever.

3/ I never asked for any of this - I had zero frames of reference at 12 years old to avoid it!

Best wishes..Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#4988 - 10/10/05 03:40 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
1. I want them to know how bad it hurts sometimes.

2. I want them to know the devastating affect it has on a persons ability to understand life from a "normal" perspective.

3. Most importantly, I want them to understand that children are not expendable objects. Above all else, they are to be loved, protected, and nurtured.

Excellent thread.



"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#4989 - 10/10/05 05:39 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
1. I am more than a survivor of sexual abuse.

2. I think I have been a good father to my children.

3. What happened to me as a kid is still with me every day. It takes years of work and professional help to cope with this.

Good idea for a thread,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#4990 - 10/10/05 07:57 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
andrew76 Offline

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
1.just because I am a survivor of abuse does not mean that I can't move past the abuse and be a better man

2.Men of abuse can make something of themselves and can be productive members of this world.

3.Children of abuse need to be heard not just seen and it does not take a professional to help the abused start the healing process all though it does help to have someone who understands the after effects of the abuse in a position to implement open dialogue with the abused.The person being disclosed to needs to know how and when to disclose to those that can help in a legal manner.


Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

#4991 - 10/10/05 08:55 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
Nobbynobs Offline

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
1. Kool-Aid and Big Macs are really bad for you but they taste great so have them if you want.

2. Listen, I mean REALLY listen, to your children.

3. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy, and not everyone who helps you out of shit is your friend.

When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

#4992 - 10/10/05 09:39 AM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
Dewey2k Offline

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
1. SA is something that happened to me. Although it has affected me in terrible and profound ways, it is not the sum total of who I am.

2. Children deserve your love and attention. Remember how it felt when you were their age and wanted your parents' attention when they ask for yours, and give it to them. If you can't, then save some lives and don't have children.

3. Emotions are not a bad thing. Everyone needs to be able to express a full range of emotion. Allow your children that capacity and relearn how to do it yourself. Don't emotionally cripple your children by shutting them down.

#4993 - 10/10/05 07:10 PM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
Dan88 Offline

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
The one thing I would say to teachers is to have courage. When they see something that they think shouldn't be, pursue it and get answers no matter who it pisses off and no matter how many people try to dissuade them and no matter how uncomfortable it feels to be butting in. It's always easiest to do nothing and leave a problem to someone else, but when it comes to kids who are victimized, teachers truly are sometimes the only hope a kid has and it's doubly tough because the kid won't even know or appreciate that. His or her own personal courage may be that teacher's only ally. But remember that saving one youngster may be the most significant thing you'll ever do in your career.

#4994 - 10/10/05 08:33 PM Re: 3 things you'd want others to know
puppy Offline

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 129
Loc: earth
i dont think you can sum it up in 3 tidy little comments. everyone feels differently. personally, id want people to know that you cant classify all of us into one huge lump. 'those people' who were abused. because we arent all the same, we havent all had the same experiences, and we dont all deal with them in the same way. id want people to know that what ive experienced isnt just a word. its not just 'abuse'. because thats too simple. its something that has affected every part of my life. and you cant take it on and off when its convenient, like a hat. its there when you least expect it. its there at the worst possible times. in job interviews, on dates, at a party. its always there. its not just some memoires that you can push to the back of your mind until you can pencil in some time to think about it. its HUGE. and it affects EVERYTING. and it doesnt go away. thats one thing that id like people to understand about me.


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