I think a lot of us (definitely I do) struggle with dealing with emotions because we fear doing so, even a little, will begin to untie the Gordian know we have woven to keep ourselves in check. In effect, we are afraid if we let our guard down the floodgates will open and all of the emotions -- the anger, the fear, the horror, the shock, the shame -- will all come out uncontrolled and we will be vulnerable and open for exploitation once again. It is a hard thing to do. I know I hate dealing with emotions because I know my control and grasp over them is tenuous at best.
I describe myself as an introvert. I am able to maintain a socially acceptable level of involvement in social and business situations but that certainly does not mean that I enjoy them. I have simply learned how to don a mask that carries me through the moment without others knowing how uncomfortable I actually am.
As survivors, self-criticism seems to be a common denominator. We tend to blame ourselves for everything whether or not that blame is deserved. It is a twisted form of self-preservation; if we make what was done to us our fault then, our logic goes, we can change our behavior to prevent it from re-occurring. But that of course is false logic. We were not to blame, regardless of what the dysfunctionality preaches to us. We were not to blame.
Suisse et libre
2015 WoR Hope Springs