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#4944 - 09/09/02 09:21 PM a letter to some nice gentlemen
andrew51 Offline

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 6
Loc: edmonton, canada
Hello gentlemen, I am new to this forum. What a relief it has been to find that there are other people who have lived through similar experiences as myself, and survived. Of course I always knew that you existed, I wasn't so foolish as to believe that I was alone. I just never expected to have the opportunity of sharing and being reinforced by fellow victims/survivors who have a direct and personal voice.
Unfortunately, I didn't start dealing with the results of the s/a I experienced as a young child until about 6 years ago when I was 45 yo. I wish I had had the courage to do something earlier. I suspect that if I hadn't had children, I may never have done anything at all. I was fortunate to find a good therapist and begin the healing process, and become aware of some very self destructive behaviour & thinking patterns. I have been blessed with a very understand wife, who has 'paid' the price for my history. It hasn't been easy for her.
Our children leave me in a constant state of amazement. They are brazenly bratty, creative, happy, loving, outspoken and fearless. The antithesis of everything I was at the same ages (8 & 10 year olds). I am given daily reminders of what childhood should be like. And sometimes I am a little wistful, wondering what might have been for myself.
My family has taught me to love myself, because I am a part of them. And I do love them beyond anything I can describe. And while I have nurtured and cared for them, they have helped me heal. I know that sounds a little sucky and maudlin, but it's true.
I guess what I'm trying to say guys is: take the leap. We all have opportunities to take chances in relationships. We weren't meant to be on this planet alone. The cycle of victimization has to end. We have to stop victimizing ourselves.

#4945 - 09/09/02 09:40 PM Re: a letter to some nice gentlemen
JamesMichael Offline

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but happy (for me) that you posted. Yes, let's stop victimizing ourselves. I'm in the midst of writing a letter to my brother. Maybe I'll send it, maybe I won't. Anyway, this is an incredible community here. It's wonderful that so many of us are finding each other. O, Canada, you've had your horrible share of this abuse stuff. It's everywhere. Break the cycle. Yes, all good things to men up north and across the seas too!


#4946 - 09/09/02 09:52 PM Re: a letter to some nice gentlemen
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Hi Andrew
welcome to our world, but as you've noticed it's one where we share common ground and support, it's so good not to be all alone.

Is it the coming of our mid life crisis that spurs us into action ? so many of us wait until our mid 40's to do someting about our pasts.
But it's never too late to heal.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#4947 - 09/10/02 08:15 PM Re: a letter to some nice gentlemen
Lightfang Offline

Registered: 10/26/00
Posts: 102
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome to NOMSV, and I too wish you didn't need this place.
I am also maried and have children and if it wasn't for them i can't see how I could have ever made it this far.

If ever you need someone to listen I will try to make time. on here or in the chat room.

Take care,


"Please love and protect all children, they are the future of us all!!"

#4948 - 09/11/02 02:12 AM Re: a letter to some nice gentlemen
RJD Offline

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
Amen to what has been said above.
------be gentle with yourselves
---------------------- RJD


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