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#49026 - 02/27/03 02:14 PM alan
alan's marc Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 9
Loc: ontario
i came home a few hours ago and have been
trying to sleep but there is too much going
through my mind. they told me yesterday there
is brain damage and we won't know to what extent
until alan is awake and alert but they say it
will affect his speech which is why i have been
having such a hard time understanding him.
they say the signals are not connecting as well
as they should. he has been through so much,
endured such horrifying experiences, risen above
the abuse and now he is damaged by his own hand. i think the guilt will be hard for him to carry
but i will do everything i can to help him carry
it. it is ironic that the computer i used to be
so jealous of i now cling to as a friend. alan
would laugh if he knew. i don't know if i am
making much sense or any point but i am tired
so forgive me. if any body prays maybe prayers
would help. thanks.

#49027 - 02/27/03 02:40 PM Re: alan
zadok1 Offline

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
i prayed for you guys the day you went to your brothers, and i will pray for you now. when he burned himself, i was afraid for him, and now i see there was good call. you have all my best wishes, and i hope and pray that there will be a bright ending to all of this.

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

#49028 - 02/27/03 10:36 PM Re: alan
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thank you so much for letting us know how Al' is doing, I hope you carry on if at all possible.

Al is very much in out thoughts, we wish him and all those around him who are caring for him our best wishes.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#49029 - 02/28/03 01:22 AM Re: alan
oldjoe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 18
Loc: Washington
Mark, my prayers go out for you and Alan, Alan deserves so much more out of life than he was dealt, so much for some one so young

#49030 - 02/28/03 01:25 AM Re: alan
oldjoe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 18
Loc: Washington
Mark, my prayers go out for you and Alan, Alan deserves so much more out of life than he was dealt, so much for some one so young

#49031 - 02/28/03 01:45 AM Re: alan
cog Offline

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 42
I was just chatting with Al the other day, and he was light hearted and he and I together were helping someone who had just logged in the chat for the first time. He seemed to be in good spirits at the time.

Sometimes we can put on a good face, but the pain is so deep, it is impossible to fathom or to share.

We all here know depression, and desperate feelings. There is much sadness in my heart that Al hurts so much. If he can understand and hear me, tell him that I care. We all care.

I know what it is like to commit suicide, and not die. I was there many, many years ago. It is such a mix and mess of emotions, so impossible to describe. I felt like even more of a failure after the attempt. I echoed the feelings in my mind, "if I can't even kill myself right, what the hell can I do? I can't do anything right." It is truly mental torture and agony.

Al, I'm sorry to see you go through this pain. I feel for you. It hurts. I know it hurts. We are all here for you. I know you can count on any of us including myself to help if at all possible.

Please hang in there. My deepest wish for you is that you find peace on this earth.

#49032 - 02/28/03 01:51 AM Re: alan
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Marc I am praying for Alan & for you. It is tragic that so often in so many ways we abuse ourselves more than our abusers ever did, but becuz of what they did. For this they are accountable too. Know that both of you are loved & supported here. Take care & God bless.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#49033 - 02/28/03 02:20 AM Re: alan
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc and Al. I can feel your pain. I dont know your story but. I can only add that we gotta keep working at this shitty hand we were delt. If we stop working they WIN. Use the memory of Gunnar who so recently left us. My god he was helping me two days before he left us. We gotta win not only for the big us but also the little us. He beat the fuckers by being a pefect example of HUMANITY at its best. Al May have a few short circuits but love and holding and caring can mitigate the effects. And I gotta believe that eveyone one of us here is behind both of you. If nothing else here I have learned that I am not alone and that all my brothers really care deep down where only the little us reside. I too , have tried the permanent solution to a temporary problem. Print off the posts from your brothers and if Al cannot read by himself read them to him as in a story book but one that is filled to the very f**king top with love. It is our souls that are important and may the souls of our molesters burn forever in HELL.



#49034 - 02/28/03 02:33 AM Re: alan
guy43 Offline

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota

One day at a time, one moment at a time, you and Alan will get through this somehow I hope n pray.

The Serenity Prayer:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes, I've found saying this over and over helps me relax a little.


#49035 - 02/28/03 04:17 AM Re: alan
alan's marc Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 9
Loc: ontario
i am so touched at how everyone reaches out
when a friend is in need. may god bless each
and every one of you.

i will print this out and give to alan when the
time is appropriate. maybe things will look a
little brighter for him tomorrow.

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