Newest Members
mattevans, Arle30, SuAn, Tranquil, smichael
13561 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
era1 (34), GregoryP (53), GregoryParcell (53), junior (57), KDW78 (39), nansogre (51)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 45 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,561 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,522 Topics
492,504 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#48771 - 12/21/04 03:34 PM Would this restore confidence, trust?
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
What follows is an idea that I've posted in the mod area for getting us out of this quadmire. Please offer any suggestions that you think would help us to avoid these disagreements.

"I think that we as mods are for the most part reasonable people of good judgement.
I am therefore recommending that we have or use our power of the delete key, to delete any, I repeat, any post that we think is offensive or inappropriate. I think that we should have a disclaimer that in the interest of safety and good order, we retain the right to remove any post, at any time. If someone wants to complain about that, publicly, that post may also be deleted. It should be announced that men come here to tell their stories and be heard and believed. We offer the wisdom and support of the accummulated thought of the best men this site has to offer. If someone comes here for support, or to lend support and encouragement, then the door is open. If, however, someone comes here to sharp shoot, pontificate or otherwise make an ass out of themselves, they risk having their post(s) deleted. It's not a matter of whether we agree or disagree with what has been posted, it is a matter of support and encouragement.
Frankly, I think that we need to take the bull by the horns and let folks know that this is not a democracy or a playground for the abusive; it is, or has been, one of the finest sites on the web and we plan to keep it that way.

Our playground, our ball, if they can't live with that, then they can play somewhere else."

Too harsh, not harsh enough? What do you think?


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#48772 - 12/21/04 04:04 PM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
jimrh Offline

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
David, I agree 100 percent.

I would add this: The representations of some number of individuals via multiple identities on this site recently has created chaos. It could have been prevented.

Most of the men and boys who come here have lived with some form of chaos all of their lives. Chaos cannot rule in a forum such as this without having the effect of destroying all levels of credibility.

I sugggest that not just the moderators but in fact the board of directors and the President of MaleSurvivor take the bull by the horns and stop the chaos.


#48773 - 12/21/04 09:34 PM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
David I support this action and I also think that Jim has added something that should be too. I think that the President of MaleSurvivor should come here and tell it too.

Trust is so big in our lives that it needs to be protected and nurtured. My humble take on all this. We are all here to journey together.



#48774 - 12/21/04 10:56 PM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1798
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Although I agree with the sentiment %100, I think we may be asking for trouble.

What is the standard for offensive? I have watched folks post things in the Male Survivor forum get bent out of shape when posts are moved to a more appropriate topic area (a move that depends on a moderators opinion), so I hate to think what would happen if posts were censored or disappeared altogether.

I agree that we should not have to witness attacks that go back and forth, and no one should suffer an attack by any means, but I do not know if censorship is the solution simply because of the widely varying degrees of human opinion on what should be censored.

I wish I could think of a good solution, I want this to be safe for everyone as well. And, again, I know you guys behind the scenes must be pulling your hair out, and we do appreciate all that you do.

Hang in there.

#48775 - 12/21/04 10:57 PM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
Rustam Offline

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK

I think that a more active deleting policy would be good and I think what you say is about right. Any post that is about conflict between members should be deleted. It’s a waste of everyone’s time getting drawn into conflicts. Anything disruptive or inappropriate or abusive is better deleted. The focus should remain solely on healing for each other and for ourselves.

I also think that anyone who is acting out in a destructive way on the boards could be protected from themselves, with their posts deleted and a brief explanation given people would have a clearer understanding about what is and is not acceptable in posting.

It may mean more work for you moderators, but I think we would have a healthier environment.


#48776 - 12/21/04 11:28 PM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
James_dup1 Offline

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
This is an online group therapy for us. If we were in a face to face group therapy and one of the members started to show there butts they would be asked to leave in order to keep the rest of the group safe. So why not have something close to this here? I think it's a good idea.

I have more issues than Rolling Stone!

#48777 - 12/22/04 12:35 AM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
lostcowboy Offline

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Hi David, I think that Mods should have the power to move a post, or thread from one forum to another. I recommend that a new quarantine forum be created, the only ones that have access to it would be the mods and any one that oversees the mods. A mod could move a post or a whole thread to the quarantine forum. If a post is moved the mod has to add why he moved it. If I as a mere member complain that my post has been put there unfairly, whoever monitors the mods can look at the post or thread and come up with a decision on whether to restore the post or not. Also by keeping the post you can keep track of any bad apples that may turn up. About editing of posts. A member should only be given about 15 min. to edit a post, that is long enough to catch simple spelling grammar errors. I really like how is set up. You can get some more ideas reading their FAQ, and user agreement . They also have a jail house forum for people who cause trouble on the site. I have to run but that will help get you started.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

#48778 - 12/22/04 01:21 AM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821

Something that Jim said above really struck me when I read it:


Most of the men and boys who come here have lived with some form of chaos all of their lives. Chaos cannot rule in a forum such as this without having the effect of destroying all levels of credibility.
I think that really goes to the heart of it. If the forum is allowed to be disrupted and become a place of chaos, then we all suffer, just as we did all those years ago in our childhood. We lived in chaos, we survived chaos, and we moved our lives on beyond the chaos. Having it revisited here is very unhealthy for all of us, more so than it would be for the un-abused person. Some might say that having lived and survived the chaos of our childhoods would make us better equipped to handle this type of disruption. Maybe so, but I still think it is very triggering in a way, reminding all of us of the type of crappy, chaotic life we're trying to leave behind and move beyond.

I see any forum as being the home of the owner, and if I enter into their home, I expect to be treated honestly and civily by the other guests. If I'm not, I expect the host to ask the disruptive guest to leave. This forum is MS's home, and we are all guests here. True, the gathering here is to talk about painful subjects for us all, but that doesn't give other guests the right to use us, manipulate us, or intentionally hurt us. The moderators here are first rate in my opinion, and I so very much appreciate all you do. If you need to delete posts, remove guests, etc., to make everyone feel safe, then I believe you have every right and obligation to do so.

[edited to clarify and correct spelling]


#48779 - 12/22/04 01:59 AM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
David, while I think that censorship and editing would be a short term solution, I am against changing a format and formula that has worked for so long at MS. We have survived and grown from similar incidents in the past and will do so again. Sanitizing MS is not the answer. Peace, Andrew

there is no courage without anxiety

#48780 - 12/22/04 02:32 AM Re: Would this restore confidence, trust?
TeeJayUU Offline

Registered: 04/30/04
Posts: 317
Loc: MidWest
The question of what is offensive and should be deleted is a very good question, the standard, the measuring tool, et cetera.

However, as it is said, I may not be able to describe offensive (obscene), but I know it when I see it...

My feelings, the Mods have been placed in their position for a reason. I think that they have this position due to background, committment, and so on. I think they should be given this tool.

However, maybe there needs to be a way of letting the "Powers That Be" if we disagree with a deletion. If too many issues are applied to one moderator for being "delete happy", then the powers that be could take a look or have a discusson with that mod. Just a thought.

This is a WONDERFUL place, and I trust and will abide by the mods!

Thank you for all of your hard work and support!


"There is a plan for me, God has a Purpose, I know there is a reason that I'm ALIVE!" Cherish Grace

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.