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#487430 - 08/22/15 08:39 PM Guardian Angel question
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 62
My mother-in-law used to have this large poster size picture of a painting that portrayed two children on, what looked like a very rickety bridge over a fast moving river. In the background there were dark clouds, maybe some lightening. I'm writing this from memory. Above the children were two angels watching over them. Protecting them from the danger that they were in. I was taught as a child that everyone has a guardian angel. I was brought up in a somewhat flimsy atmosphere of Christianity. Occasional church, some Sunday school but actually I never was brought up with any kind of a strong belief system. When I was 12 yo boy, I was sexually abused by a camp councilor at a YMCA summer camp. It was non violent. I didn't know what was happening because I didn't know anything at all about sex. I mean nothing! I only knew that what I had down there was to pee with. My older brothers never told me anything nor did my parents. This was the 50s and 60s. But it made me curious to find out what had happened to me. Why I felt uneasy and felt this immense good feeling at the same time. The councilor was a fat twenty something son of a bitch as I learned later. I also learned later about 19 or 20 how this ONE event changed and governed my life from then on. That is a whole other story. So, where was MY guardian angel on that July night in 1961? I was invited to a very extremist, bible thumping, tongues speaking, born again, Pentecostal style church in 1970 and attended 3 of them until 1991 (I mean no offense to anyone. I will never offend anyone for their religious beliefs. That is your right, except ISIS, they are downright nuts). This church taught me that they were the ONLY ones who were right in the world. I didn't buy that and haven't been to church since. I am not anti church, I just don't understand religions. Had I been born in some other country (I am in the USA in the Bible Belt) I would have been brought up differently. Everybody else, with some exceptions I guess, can't be wrong. I just don't understand a God who gives us free will but then gives us two choices in this life that will dictate what will happen when we die. Heaven or infinite punishment for a finite life? Guilty of original sin? Give me a break! Where WAS that guardian angel I was taught to believe in? I'm 66 years old now and still am wondering about all of it.


Edited by alone (05/03/16 11:08 PM)

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#487441 - 08/23/15 07:37 AM Re: Guardian Angel question [Re: alone]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 4118
Loc: VIRGINIA
Guardian angel something I have not thought about in years. As a child in Catholic school we were taught everyone has a guardian angel at the time of baptism--not sure why not from birth but I guess once we were cleansed of the original sin (Adam and Eve's doing). Like you once I was abused and in the Church no less, my belief in the guardian angel faded as did my belief of the supremacy of the priest. If my angel was there I would not have been abused by one of God's soldiers but I guess the angel was out for a three martini lunch. He should have protected me but he did not and I have lived with the abuse since then.

I think these were beliefs. I hear little of guardian angels today. I think these were things people thought up to give them comfort that someone was watching over them. They had blind faith and did not question even if something bad happened. I did question to myself but I dared not say it to the nuns.

I do not wonder about it anymore, my faith has been impacted from the abuse. I have learned the kindness and goodness of people is how I measure the person not there religious beliefs because some of the most bigoted people wear a religion on their sleeve.

These are my thoughts and I am not sure they help. I think I am in the same camp as you.

Kevin


Edited by KMCINVA (08/23/15 12:12 PM)

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#488558 - 09/15/15 07:18 PM Re: Guardian Angel question [Re: KMCINVA]
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 62
Thanks Kevin for your reply. I'm sorry it took so long for me to reply. No excuses, just procrastination.

It does sound like we are in the same camp. I did start to go to church in 1970 when I was 21. I thought I had found THE way. Well after 21 years and three church splits, I stopped going. I haven't been back. So it's been about 24 years now and I still don't know where the truth is. I know how I was brought up...sort of...but no real strong foundation. I'm confused by a lot of things, the Bible, creationism, intelligent design, evolution, science, atheism, other big religions. Very strong beliefs by many people concerning these areas. Everybody can't be wrong but who is right?

I can see why for you how being abused by someone IN the church would really mess up your belief system (I'm assuming it did but you can tell me if I'm wrong). My problems from abuse have gotten mixed up with religion in a way that looks like a huge ball of wires that I can't untangle. That's the best analogy I've got right now. I see a psychiatrist but it's only 10 minutes, mostly medicine management. I see a psychologist. It's an hour and I have gone for more than 20 years with a gap of a few years when the first one retired. But I still don't get the answers I'm looking for. Part of it is chronic depression despite the meds. I've always had low, low self esteem. That has gotten in the way of most everything in my life. I'm an extremely passive person so I can be stepped on very easy. So I really don't like myself. And then there's the issue of trust. In the past few years some events in my family (my wife and our son in separate issues, our daughter is OK, I trust her) have left trust issues tarnished or just plain broken. I had better stop. I honestly didn't plan on going on like this but it happens to me. I could just delete most of it and I have done that in the past. I guess sometimes I just like to have a listening ear on the other end.

Thanks again Kevin,

Ted

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