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#486167 - 07/29/15 09:04 PM fear of women,bullying
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2073
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I know i could search in this forum , but am lazy.
I accepted , or allowing myself to more and more that i am
gay.
But am wondering , why is it that when i see a beautiful
woman i feel forced to look at a woman's boobs. This is
weird.. i just dont want to lie. But ...my aunt , my cousins
they really hurt me. Psycholically! Because of them
i am literally afraid of women.
And on my blog here, on 'freedom of expression' i just
lost my train of thought! .. ah,,, i afraid of women
bullying. See b/c i couldnt stand up for myself.
My dad , i could see or remember his face smiling at me
like he enjoyed having me defeated by his cunts!
Sorry for the C word to ladies here.
Anyway, b/c i had to hide my being gay .
So , any expereinces anyone have here regarding ' fear of
women bullying them as a response, or result of being gay?

Thanks,
please enjoy your life and your company!

Goran

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#486215 - 07/30/15 03:14 PM Re: fear of women,bullying [Re: Sterling]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1161
Loc: michigan
Hey man.
I have always had an issue with females since I was a little boy. I dont know if it has to do with same sex feelings or just the bullying. One thing I know was an issue for me was that I was no allowed to hit back... you DON'T HIT GIRLS and they were often hell to me so it put me in e real tough place. The weirdness in sexualty did not help either. It felt to me like they ALL WANTED IN my pants and I couldn't understand why. Caused sll kinds of confusion
so yea short answer I think I feel the same or at least close
jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#486226 - 07/30/15 04:52 PM Re: fear of women,bullying [Re: newground]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2073
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Thanks Newground! About the mentioning of the pants.

I immediatley regressed to a moment when i was 13 and a group
of girls ( jokingly) came running to me at recess trying to
take my pants off!
I freaked! My cousin was there. I feel i dont know who
i am , sexually. I love looking at
TTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEER!
guys. love it.
i cant express this. I dont know what it is.
I feel like i was posessed . know sounds weird
i dont know how to heal me.
i have this ....i flinch when i go into this state when i
almost fall in a deep sleep.
I went to a place here that has nothing to do with this topic.
I am just trying to get this out.
It is hard! My t in Toronto could help. Becasue i do
deep-feeling work.
When i saw my counsellor here in Wpg a few weeks back.
He said to me after i was talking about my uncle
I get it Goran.
WE all get it!
So...i had to change my thinking and say in my head.
Okay. he doesnt want to go there. So how the fuck to i o
make it easier on him and me.
You dont know therapy. Sorry frustrated.
I feel so ashamed i didnt even do anything.
My sperm-donor is sick , selfish! They are all selfish.
I dont know if i want to be gay. But i still have some
stuff that i feel like i need to get out of my subconscious ..
..i dont know who can help me. I need to get into my body
and get them OUT! out , out!
I dont like talking about this. I feel like i am getting people anxious. And dont want to. I dont know how to get
the abuse out of me. I know my cousins know their dad is
gay. Everyone in my family hides away from this.
But i had to be his boy! I had to listen to his shit.
Every fucking moment. Where is my dad ....
dont have one. SMACK SMACK.! YOU ARE MY BOY!
and then i feel this shit in me. i dont like this.
and it fucks me up. I see hot guys. And i have let go
of several chances of a relationship. I feel so flattered!
And i feel women will sense this guy is gay. I am gonna
have some fun! I want to be more resilient. But i dont want to be a jerk to anyone. I love people. I dont want women . that is it!
i dont want women. so i am gay. and am afraid of what
will happen.
fag fag.
okay. thanks
for being here and supporting.
Goran

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