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#484143 - 06/18/15 03:19 PM Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING******
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
I'n the video, you will see an adult man describing what we all described here. It is VERY hard to watch his testimony/confession to murder.

About the criminal act (murder):
Sometimes you choose how things will go, and you man-up and pay for your method.
It HAD to be done IMO.



Edited by Still (06/18/15 11:36 PM)
Edit Reason: to be less grumpy.

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#484178 - 06/18/15 11:35 PM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Still]
Still Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1


I wonder if, and to what extent pedos worry about chicken coming home to roost?

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#484193 - 06/19/15 01:03 AM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Still]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2868
Originally Posted By: Still
I wonder if, and to what extent pedos worry about chicken coming home to roost?

I suspect they rely on the shame they managed to infuse in their young victims. Sandusky went at least ten years and likely much longer, and not one of his many victims came forward until subpoenaed to do so. It is a dynamic, and many abusers bank upon it.

Having watched the testimony, I honestly don't know how to feel about this. I am angry that an official justice was never delivered. I am amazed that the now-grown victim seems so much further ahead in his ability to access his anger than I - a problem my therapist was working on with me. I suspect the suicide of his friend was a big catalyst.
_________________________
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#484222 - 06/19/15 12:57 PM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Chase Eric]
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 341
Loc: Texas
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Originally Posted By: Still
I wonder if, and to what extent pedos worry about chicken coming home to roost?

I suspect they rely on the shame they managed to infuse in their young victims. Sandusky went at least ten years and likely much longer, and not one of his many victims came forward until subpoenaed to do so. It is a dynamic, and many abusers bank upon it.

Having watched the testimony, I honestly don't know how to feel about this. I am angry that an official justice was never delivered. I am amazed that the now-grown victim seems so much further ahead in his ability to access his anger than I - a problem my therapist was working on with me. I suspect the suicide of his friend was a big catalyst.


Sexual predators look for positions of power to give them access to their prey. In this case, the perpetrator was able to use his position in law enforcement to scuttle investigation of himself and it wasn't until after his death that the pattern of accusations across the decades was seen.

Predators in law enforcement, district attorneys offices and in the judiciary are in a position to attempt to block justice.
_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#484453 - 06/24/15 02:14 AM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Still]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
I understand the anger. The rage. I've fantasized about beating my abuser to death with a baseball bat or walking up to him in public and shooting him in the head all the usual stuff. It doesn't really make sense to me in the end, however, as he himself was a victim and only a boy himself. So I am angry my parents for not moving earlier, at the Church school for essentially covering it up, at the psychologist for not believing me, and the list goes on...While I cannot condone what this man did I certainly can understand it. I agree with Chase Eric though cause I want the trial, jury, and verdict. I want society to have to name the crime, call it a crime, condemn it in open court, and punish the abuser.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#484457 - 06/24/15 04:01 AM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Publius]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2868
It is easy to confuse the catharsis of revenge with justice. But revenge is selfish. There were likely others on the sidelines who knew what this abuser was doing. But thanks to the actions of this victim, those witnesses remain free to keep the secrets that need to be told, to not come forward about other victims, and perhaps even to keep the secrets of co-abusers that may never be discovered. The victim ensured that the abuser himself will never be held to account for other victims.

By short-circuiting the courts, the enablers walk away scott-free, and other victims are cheated from finding support and closure in the public and judicial acknowledgement of the gravity of the crimes against them.

Consider what would have happened if one of Sandusky's victims murdered him. Many of the victims would have remained hidden. The dimensions of his crimes may never have been known. And the entire enabling structure would have walked - Paterno, Spanier, Schultz, Curley and Penn State itself would have never been brought to answer for a negligence that in some was even criminal. Abusers do not work in a vacuum.
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#484461 - 06/24/15 12:54 PM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: Still]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3817
I had to pause the video on and off several times. When he talked of the abuse, I could see myself on the cellar floor of the church, crying and waiting for it to happen over and over. He spoke of the suicide of his friend who was also raped, I thought of the boy who was there and made to do acts to me, who died young--suicide drug overdose--either way it was suicide to run from what we lived at the abusers hands. I thought how I despised this boy but only now do I realize he did it to survive and in an odd way protect me from the abuser. I know it is hard to understand unless you were there--a rape is a rape but then the boy was gentler and tried to console me unlike the abuser. I now feel sorry I never said anything to the boys parents whose face I still see, there faces stuck in time from my young eyes when my parents went over to them to offer their sympathies and the father's question to me, you were an altar boy with him. I should have told then, but could not. The abuser told me I would be taken from my family if I ever told. Regrets, yes. The boys parents died never knowing what troubled their son.

As for my abuser, I know he is dying, slowly, but I asked do I now wish it to be painful and excruciating. I am ambivalent, just want to see them throw the dirt over his coffin, it will let me know he is gone and can never hurt anyone. I too in therapy had repressed anger but never thought of killing the abuser but learned I directed it at myself. I was self abusing. I remember as a child praying I would be the one to die in my sleep to escape the pain.

I feel for this man who killed his abuser, he suffered so much throughout life, like so many of us here. Does an eye for eye truly bring justice. How many other victims are now silenced by this act. The man needed help, but was unable to seek the treatment he needed. Society's beliefs and denial that his abuse occurs leaves many victims silent for a lifetime, suffering in their own pain and hurt, self destructing and lost in this world. If only there was no shame or guilt associated with CSA more children would be saved. But when doctors, family say get over it, you are not damaged, or you are exaggerating or it could not have happened only pushes the child and adult survivors back into that dark place. Society needs to change, people need to change and encourage rather than discourage people from telling. I hear about my acting out without mention of the abuse and dissociation that robbed me of memories and everything that triggered the flashbacks, nightmares, acting out, dissociation. Why, are people afraid to see CSA for what it is or are people scared to see their complicity in the CSA or their acts that may have contributed to the self destruction of the victim. I do not have the answer, but from my own experience, there are many kind, compassionate and open minded people and then there are the others who only torment the survivor. Unfortunately the latter group can be destructive and destroy all the good the former group of people brought to the victim.

This man, I hope he finds peace, but I believe he still needs therapy to release his pain and the devastation of the CSA. I hope he gets the help he needs. As for the abuser, I would have rather have seen him suffer public humiliation.

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#484501 - 06/25/15 05:17 PM Re: Some Price is Chosen *****TRIGGERING****** [Re: KMCINVA]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Originally Posted By: KMCINVA
I had to pause the video on .......... seen him suffer public humiliation.


That is such a compelling angle and story KMCINVA. I'm speechless in re-considering so so much of ... so much of post-abuse stuff.

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