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#48311 - 12/19/04 10:14 PM Feeling Sad and Depressed.
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I'm sitting here watching a sitcom where the 14 year old boy is having girl problems because she's rich and he thinks he has to buy her something big or she won't like him. Combine that with the commerical that just aired about some medication showing a 12-14 year old boy having fun with his father. Something I never had because my father had Parkinson's disease ever since I was like 6. And I am so sad, depressed and angry that I couldn't have a normal childhood. WHY..Pardon the curse words but What the fuck did I do? Why couldn't I have had girl problems? Only girl problems I had was I didn't have a girl LOL...

Sorry to bring everyone down, but I had to get that out.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#48312 - 12/19/04 10:37 PM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Jason,

I think it is very understandable. I have sometime watched those shows and wondered what did I do so wrong that I couldn't have a father like Bill Cosby or someone. I cried in parts of 'Finding Nemo' because I knew my father would never have looked for me. Sometime when our emotions are 'keyed up' some, it seems small things will cause them to overflow. Maybe sometime just feeling the emotions keeps them from building up any more, to being unsafe to us. I'm sorry you are down today, and I hope you feel better soon.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#48313 - 12/20/04 02:51 AM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
Hi Jason,

You didnít bring me down. I have felt and thought the same thing seeing kids problems on TV the kind of problems I wish I had. Its nothing that we did, as a kid I really believed that I got what I deserved, itís not true. Christmas with its happy family films really makes the contrast between what we should have had and our own realities very painful.

You can still get to experience some nice girl problems. \:\)

Take care,

Rustam.


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#48314 - 12/20/04 03:09 AM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
MikeInFlorida Offline
Member

Registered: 11/27/04
Posts: 43
Loc: Titusville
Hi Jason,

I too am able to relate to your hurt, because like you, my father figure was not what I had hoped for. I hope that your dad loved you, and that you were able to at least have some kind of loving relationship with him.

My Dad was a high society drunk (or a high end drunk as we in AA refer to that type of drunk).

He left my Mom, and us kids when I was just 7, and my step father was the one who SA'd me.

I am not going to go into all of the details of my F'uped relationships with my father figures here. Because this is YOUR post. If you are intrested in my story, it is posted under Male Survivor Story's.

I say all of this, just to say that you could have had it worse, and I have found that what works for me is to focus on the here, and now, and whatever you have planned in your life for THIS Christmas.

I really hope that this helps you, it has helped me. If I were to focus on all of the hurt that I expierienced in my relationships with my fathers, I would not get out of bed, and would be on even more serious antidepressants, as it is I have been maxed out on Prozac by my Shrink for the past 2 years..

_________________________
Love others, as you love yourself.

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#48315 - 12/20/04 10:55 PM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jason
I just can't watch films or TV programes where some freckle faced boy saves the world and they all live happily ever after. I get so angry, so upset and then so fucking miserable that I have to turn the TV off - before I throw something at it!

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#48316 - 12/20/04 11:19 PM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I'd like to thank everybody for telling me that I am not alone in this. However I wish I would have asked 3 TVs ago. \:D Just Kidding

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#48317 - 12/21/04 12:23 AM Re: Feeling Sad and Depressed.
unknownsoldier Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 105
Loc: Northwest
Yeah,

I can relate to this. My dad only used me for his needs, he wasn't really interested in any other aspect of my life. When I am around older men who seem like father figures, I end up feeling really young, and they treat me like I am younger than I am. It pisses me off, so now I don't try to get close to them. Its better to just be able to be adult.


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