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#48274 - 12/19/04 12:13 AM Do not know why it happen
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I know that I am safe right now. I am with people I trust, and am able to do some things I enjoy right now. I know that I am maybe more tired right now for some reasons, but it is not as I have not been sleeping at all, I know when I do that, and not sleep, it make my mind go crazy. But that is not what happen now, I have been sleeping some. But I just feel scared, I do not know why, I just am. Yesterday, it start happening last night some, and it still is here now. I feel not happy in my skin, like I want to peel it off, I want to be out of it, because it is damaged of all this, and wonder if it always wil be there. It is like stain, permanent dirty on my skin, and I just want to be out of it. Have been feeling some better, and understanding it more, but now, I know it don't make sense, but it is as I carry them with me, my skin feels crawly and I feel like I need to be ready to run away, even though none them are here now. I don't know why, just want it to go way right now.

andrei


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#48275 - 12/19/04 12:41 AM Re: Do not know why it happen
unknownsoldier Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 105
Loc: Northwest
Andrei,

I'm sorry you feel so uncomfortable right now. I think I know what you are talking about. Sometimes I can stand for anything to touch my skin, because I don't want to feel it at all, because it feels so gross and disgusting. Sometimes I can't stand to see my skin. For me it seems like I feel that and then it goes away after a few days.

As for the fear, that happens sometimes randomly, sometimes because there is something in the environment, like the lighting or weather, that is reminding me of abuse.

I have heard of medications that make people anxious and agitated too.

Hope that helps.

take care


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#48276 - 12/19/04 02:39 AM Re: Do not know why it happen
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
It happens, Andrei, because you have multiple recent assaults on your level of trust right now. That can make it hard to feel safe anywhere, around anyone. I have had similar happen, after having my trust severely betrayed by someone, that I accused a good friend of trying to trigger me on purpose. You get paranoid when people you feel trust in betray you. You get paranoid when things happen to make you feel like the helpless child again. You get paranoid when other people do not appear to see what you see, know what you know, or feel what you feel. It IS ok my friend. It happens to everyone at times. And it is ok. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with YOU right now. You have had a hard year, and a lot of triggers in the last two months. You are doing very well in dealing with things. Let yourself be 'small' sometime, and let others be strong for you. I know it is hard, but you have people you CAN trust with you. Please try to remember that.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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