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#483854 - 06/13/15 08:05 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
if you ang . but you don't want me.
I want to be loved.
and I think i gay. I love to be gay.
but don't want to be abused.
how do I have sex?

love my self.

G

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#483875 - 06/14/15 05:45 AM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Loc: TEXAS
My Canadian fraternal ,brother

Greetings from Germany.

I hope & pray that you are healing those deep wounds as best as you can.

Needing someone to share our love, compassion & understanding with as a gay person is also my goal.
Like you my fraternal brother coming to terms with just who & what we were in our youth being born gay and having buried it because of fear from others.

However, my fraternal brother G, i'm real proud that both my inner child & his bigger self finally came out of the closet.
Being proud of who & what i alway's was able to breathe free.

Being gay in heart,mind, body & soul, emotionally, mentally, physically & sexually. That defines who i am & if you have those same kind of feelings celebrate it, it's your true self.

Finding some one to share our love & life with is a huge challange for both of us.
Being extremely cautious that if & when we find someone to love us it won't be someone to abuse us.

How do I have sex?
By loving myself first & foremost, I'm still a compulsive masterbater over all these years. I like pleasuring myself & no one gets hurt.
I have gay sex toys that i need when i masterbate & go into my fanatsy world with my dildo's, again no one gets hurt.

I'm going to try harder to find Mr. right, time is running out for me. Not much of a demand for someone 76 numerical years of age.

So, my Fraternal Canadian brother, keep coming here, keep letting those feelings out.

Compassion, understanding, hope & love for my Canadian fraternal brother.
Wishing you a great day in life & healing. Be kind & gentle on yourself. Love yourself, express yourself.
pete
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#485475 - 07/14/15 03:17 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
yip! definitely am gay!
like men.
what if I guy hates that I have a small dick?
love.

me.

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#485476 - 07/14/15 03:41 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
who cares.
forget the shit.
love ya,

G

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#485479 - 07/14/15 04:28 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
experienceproject.com - youtube- helping me.
gayhealth clinic in Winnipeg
flirtdog wpg.
looking for perfect.
get it done!
now!
all to that needing a dad!
over and over. I don't , . know I hac. have
to forget. they fucked it up! "you want it all!
daddy wants it all. so do I!
several do!
hate you . but hate to d see you sad.
I don't kn like it when I see people sad , feeling alone.
suck your own dick!
it is hard to forget.
you fake it! you are cowards.
all of you!
it is hard. I get that I have to be your dad.
so when .
does
I get
a dad?
forget ???????????
now. ??????????????????????????
I hate commitment.
no guy will be .
you hate your dad. and you want him to love you and say
you are a good boy. . you. o nt tyou do that.
you don't. your wife had a shitty life. you made it worse.
you insulted her infront of me. how do you expect me to
say that is okay? you don't do this.
I will never see you. I cant . I need my own identity.
my own life. I am 41.
I need love. sex. yet I am talking to a computer.
you don't understand. you are ignorant , sick.
I don't know who I will be , yet. but I am getting healthier.
All b/c these guys don't tell me to fuck off!
This internet saved me! Malesurvivor is incredibly beautiful.
it is special in the kindest way.
I would have never survived if it wasn't for the people I have
me on here. So thank you God for allowing people to create and
care, and share with others.
I wish and wish. My brother isn't bad, now.
He cant care for me. B/c I needed a dad all my life.
I see how I make it hard on everyone. Do you know that
what you did and your shit family , everyone took part of it.
Even thou they have never seen you.
God Bless. everyone.
even you dipshit.
I don't love you . but I understand you.

thanks.
G

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#485496 - 07/14/15 11:01 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
It was my b-day yesterday. Yayyyy!
My folks sent me $200.00
I was sitting at home naked today.....I got angry.
I looked down at my penis and wondered and got anxious.
"who wi. going to love this? I hate me. "
I will never see them again.
I was so angry. Memories of my uncle throwing his hate
that he had onto him , put me responsible!
Mom s voice telling me I am just like him. When I was little.
Followed by zoran` " fat pig"
picture when I snapped at my brother and he blocked every
hit I threw at him one moment.
Me not knowing how I will survive.
I wanted to die ....so much. today.
I went to a Asian restaurant with a friend today.
Very edible food. It was a buffet. I gave in to having
a lot of cake. And I felt my moobs getting bigger.
I cant exercise. So this is where my anger started getting
bigger. I couldn't blame my friend for me eating this.
Then I thought of my dad and how he needed love. In elementary school I longed to be just like him. I iodolized
him. But I was always alone, no one around. Full of self-hate and holding it all in! I was aware my uncle was abusing me but I thought it is . my fault. HOw do I change
this. ? my dad wanted to make it all better by buying me
food giving me a brand-new Firebird. I changed my personality so much,, I don't know how I survived today.
Then I snapped today after looking at my body. Feeling like billie had has it all. my dad laughed at me when I was at bililes place. I am working hard and rush thru this.
I hate this. and I can wish he is my dad , but he is a play dad. He gave me to his dad and brother. and I don't know what he knows but I changed my thoughts for them! I gave them my braids. I gave them painted nailpolish. girls clothes. I became everything. that is why I cant watch t.v. don't know who is right. its like talking now is
like what is goran? not bozia. not zoran not my dad.
not you blagj. don't need your schizor phrenis. or your sexual desire to fuck men. but he hats me. he hates his kids. and he got away with it. So my mom and brother can watch them. Zoran deserves a good life! But as I was locked out after calling him and leaving to go to the library.
I realized that I do so much self-therapy that I don't want to work. I was to leave. If I could I would take everyone with me but cant. I want to love me but my dad takes that holding me . tell me stuff. he would kiss me a lot. When I was on the bus I got these memories of him touching my leg....I would flinch and push him away. He would get aggressive. So now it is hard to say I wont see my mom again. it is real.
I wont. If I could change. I would change that I will always speak up for goran and all the others who want to be free and love themselves. but I can not show others to love themselves. I cant be this Mr. know-it-all. I cant. I just want love. I need to get laid. but I hate me. and it is always there. this shit doesn't and wont go away. moving isn't a bad idea. it would be healthy. but I fucked that up by hurting my body. and that was telling my dad "fuck you
you cant do that! " but he did. and I got creative and
angry at the gym. not bright. and its those words that came from my aunt that may have given me dyslexia.
I hate it that I have no one here. I have a men`s group that wont start till August. I hate it that I don't want people to fly away. but yet I will leave. the group.
their group. I hate feeling bad!!!!!!!!
thanks to all.
Goran

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#485514 - 07/15/15 10:36 AM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Loc: TEXAS
Goran,

Hey my Canadian fraternal brother/friend, wish you a belated HAPPY & HEALING BIRTHDAY.

You are not alone G. I'll stay by you & try and help you along.
Living with all that hate for years fucks us up for life.

But, G. there is always HOPE, never giving up in finding you, who are you? What are you?
Put your hate on those responsible persons whom had abused you.
Don't ever hate yourself. Learn to love yourself.

There is a lot of help for you here in MS.
I always had said whenever a new guy came into MS was & I believe in those welcoming words here it is,
We/I will hear your cries, we will help in your fears & we will share in your tears. Still holds true, my Canadian fraternal brother/friend.

See the real goodness in yourself as that young boy.
You are a valuable & loveable human being.

Wishing you well my fraternal brother/friend. Keep venting.
I care for you.

"I will take that lost boys hand & I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Love & blessings.
Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#485603 - 07/16/15 09:21 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: petercorbett]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2076
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
thanks Peter.
a BIG hug for you!

G

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#485765 - 07/19/15 08:59 PM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 737
Loc: United States
Hey Sterling,

There are plenty of guys who are attracted to and seek out guys with small dicks, but in truth most guys who think their dick is small find out it's average.

Don't let either the perception or the reality get in the way of you connecting with men you're attracted to.

-efm
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#486782 - 08/10/15 10:31 AM Re: .gay for me. [Re: Sterling]
Strive 38/11 Offline


Registered: 07/24/15
Posts: 141
Loc: Australia
i super poof
_________________________
Just because someone stumbles and loses their way,
does not mean they're lost forever.

Strive 38/11

Get out of my way I'm coming through on my own.
I'm coming through all alone - Tunnel - Screaming Jets

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