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#482379 - 05/17/15 01:24 AM Keeps me alive
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
What keeps me from popping the brains out the back of my skull during the peak pain of grief, flashbacks, memories, shame, shame, shame and MORE shame:

The fact that it is the Sin that God cannot forgive, because I won't be alive to ask for forgiveness once accomplished. God's gift of life to me is gold, but when my human frailty is such that I can't hack it, it becomes obvious to me that I can't survive nor sustain life under my own power and resilience.

He laughs at my shame as being NOTHING to Him...that I have nothing to feel shame about.

When my pain is on "11," I need to re-find my way back to last one whom will ever see shame in what happened.

#482380 - 05/17/15 02:00 AM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6397
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
wow! very heavy, but i can relate.

life is a gift, no matter how bad the pain.

In light of heaven, the worst suffering on earth, a life full of the most atrocious tortures on earth, will be seen to be no more serious than one night in an inconvenient hotel.
~ Mother Teresa


#482404 - 05/17/15 12:49 PM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
Nothing Man Offline

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 1116
Loc: Ohio
What keeps me alive is my wife and children.
Suisse et libre
2015 WoR Hope Springs

#482591 - 05/21/15 07:36 AM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
nltsaved Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 942
Loc: Kc,Mo
The only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the holy spirit. Only Catholics believe God does not forgive suicide it is nowhere to be found in the word of God. That which you speak comes from the words of man made doctrine . Look it up nowhere in scripture does it say it is unforgivable ,like I said blaspheming the holy spirit is the only thing mentioned in all of scripture that says the only sin God does not forgive is found in Mark 3:29

28 Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.

I will however mention this ,if you feel this way often I would seem professional help and possibly get on some meds . I actually started taking a pain medication for my knee called tramadol and it actually had a very pleasant side effect it acts as an anti depressant and for whatever reason it helps Tremendously with not dwelling on the flashbacks. It does not get me high it just enhances my mood. I googled it and I am not nearly alone it happens to help many people enhance their mood. After it got in my system it just started making me feel better mentally. I needed a pain med that did not get me high cause I have a highly addictive personality and I told my doc I can't have anything that gets me high and he prescribed tramadol .
50 mg 2-3 a day the days my knee don't hurt I only take 1-2
I make a bottle of 90 last 3-4 months . I suggest you seek some kind of help if you consistently feel like taking your life
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus

#482607 - 05/21/15 02:32 PM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Thanks for the input nltsaves.

Yes, I am aware of the lack of scriptural rule on suicide, but I see it as a final sin that cannot be brought to to Him for forgiveness in conscious thought and I elect not to do it. Even when the pain is SO bad that I can't see nor consider who and what is left behind, I am still compelled by this. and frequently, the pain does get so bad that I can't see my kids as a factor...which shocks me. The degree of pain is the shocking part.

As for meds, its been covered.

#482635 - 05/22/15 02:10 AM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1159
Loc: michigan
I think this topic is similar to something I have thought about for a long time. As we consider the pain that is faced so often how often do we consider the strength that is displayed in the lives of the survivor? I have seen amazing strength shown here and whither it is our wife and kids that inspire, or fear and respect for God. In the end it is the man himself that has to find what it takes to manage this life. I think all the guys here are AMAZING.
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#482700 - 05/23/15 05:31 PM Re: Keeps me alive [Re: Still]
BuffaloCO Offline

Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 490
What keeps me going and alive is knowing that He rescued me. Me moving forward is winning, God wins, I win, they loose. I am no longer just the left over shell of some used up kid, I am redeemed. I still make mistakes, no way am perfect, but I am rescued, changed and transformed in the Creator. Am and always will No matter what comes, I am a work in progress and will keep going, growing up inside. That is pretty kewl knowing that, and that is what keeps me alive. My hope in Him.
�We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.� - Plato


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