i dont reall know what to say to you, and its been hard for me to talk to you lately. so im writing this cuz its easier for me, and hopefully you can understand me better this way.
i need your help. even if i may not show it. i need you to be more there, amnd open for me to talk to you. i know your trying, and your doing everything you can to make my life good. idont doubt that you love me, but i wish you could show it more.
what happened to me is not your fault. so i hope you arent blaming yourself for it. it was your brothers fault, and im sorry for lieing so much about it instead of telling you. i was just scared to. i dunno what more to say mom. i seriously need your help. maybe go to counsling with you. cuz my mind is a mess at the moment.
im sure your is to, but your to tough to show it to me. i wish you would so i dont feel so fucking alone. i know you want me to be tough, but there is a limit for me. i have been tough for a long time now, but because he is gone now. doesnt mean im ok.
i have nightmares all the time about him, and i breakdown crying all the time. i cry for hours somtimes, and somtimes wish i could just rip my heart out, and throw it away. so i wouldnt feel this pain. its becoming to much for me. its why i get high so much. it helps me to ignore it, but i know that just makes me weak in your eyes.
i want to be a good son, and show you that i love you. i just dont know how most of the time. i need you to be more open with me. so please read this.
i love you mom
i wrote this letter to my mother today, cuz i have had such a hardtime talking to her. im afraid to give it to her though. which is why i posted it here. just need to know if it would be a good idea, or not.