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#477623 - 02/20/15 04:34 PM q how does 1 know?
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2190
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
how does one know if - I don't know if I am gay.

I don't want to mess this up.

I tried searching to find an answer.
I tried. And I don't know if I will get a response.

I don't know and I am wanting sex.
so sorry.

eniway....how about those people who love
themselves ?
oh yea. pff banter.

G

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#477638 - 02/20/15 10:55 PM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Sterling]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 160
Hey Sterling,

Sexuality is confusing for anyone and sexual abuse certainly makes it harder no navigate and makes the stakes seem so much greater.

I don't unfortunately have a good answer for you. What I do suggest is try and experiment without it being an idea of identity. If you like a dude or a lady act on that and experiment. Sexuality is often more nuanced than this binary. If you are attracted to a dude it doesn't mean you have to take on any sort of gay identity right away and vice versa is often true.

Try to let yourself feel what you do without judging it and act within boundaries you are comfortable with. Try to take the pressure off yourself...

Hope this helps, but it seems really rambly.

Take Care,

-Cthulhu
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

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#477645 - 02/21/15 05:52 AM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Sterling]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi Goran,

I don't have an answer for you. I have always known that I am gay. That doesn't mean that it has been easy for me to embrace my gayness, because it hasn't. I have gone through a lot of shame, guilt, self-hatred. None of it justified, but it has taken decades for me to embrace how I feel about myself without regard for how much of the rest of the world tells me I am supposed to think. I don't know if you are still in the conservative south, but that would also impact my self-image if I were still in the conservative south.

I guess if I would wish something for you, it is that you are able to love yourself through this time and understand that there is a good chance that you will figure all this out. It's just that it may take some time, and there may be a lot to figure out. I am learning that confusion is a very healthy process, and just a sign that my mind is needing time to come to new conclusions.

Sending you love and support,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#477654 - 02/21/15 10:00 AM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Sterling]
Nothing Man Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 1135
Loc: Ohio
Hi Goran. I identify as straight with some SSA issues. I call them issues not because those feelings are wrong or sinful or whatever other label haters would put on them, but just because they exist. While I do not think I could ever act on those feelings, as they are not particularly strong, I can understand having them.

I do not think that experimenting with those feelings, especially in the context of being single and not in a marriage whose vows would be betrayed, is wrong. On the contrary I would urge those who are questioning to act on those feelings in a healthy way and realize that we are what we are, and we do not really have a choice in the matter.

I don't think that sexuality is any kind of binary, black or white, straight or gay phenomenon. I think there is a continuum along which we all fall. I think -- and this is only my opinion -- that only a very few outliers are either completely straight or completely gay. I think we are all shades of gray.

The important thing here is self-acceptance. We are who we are and who we are is a beautiful thing and ought to be loved. I reject those who call being gay sinful or wrong or whatever. I think they are just reacting emotionally from the gut and may have fears over some SSA they are experiencing themselves, and that is why they call it a choice: they have the feelings which they choose to suppress and then congratulate themselves on being 100% straight.

Self-awareness and self-loving is a journey and I wish you well on it. Be healthy and strong and accepting not only of yourself, wherever you may lie on the spectrum, but also of others.

Mike
_________________________
Suisse et libre
2015 WoR Hope Springs

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#477656 - 02/21/15 10:19 AM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Nothing Man]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 252
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Originally Posted By: Nothing Man
I don't think that sexuality is any kind of binary, black or white, straight or gay phenomenon. I think there is a continuum along which we all fall. I think -- and this is only my opinion -- that only a very few outliers are either completely straight or completely gay. I think we are all shades of gray.


Sterling:

I totally agree with Mike.

I see my sexuality in three dimensions.
Sexual Identity: Is one comfortable in one's identity as a male or female?
Sexual Attraction: Is one attracted primarily to the opposite or the same sex?
Sexual Experience: What has been one's sexual experience, and have we felt good or bad with those?

I've learned that being sexually abused as a child wrecks havoc with one's sexuality. For example, in my case, I feel totally comfortable in my identity as a male, all of my sexual experience has been hetero, and I've enjoyed it, but I am attracted to other males. I've come to the conclusion that this attraction is rooted in my childhood sexual abuse. Maybe, if I had not been sexually abused, the three dimensions of my sexuality would have been aligned.

What is most important, regardless of where your answers take you, is that you love yourself and highly esteem who you are.
_________________________
Jay

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#477747 - 02/22/15 03:21 PM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Jay1946]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2190
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Cool ! Cant thank you guys enuf.

Acutally I have a crush on a guy that just joined a Mens
group last Friday.
I don't know if he feels the same way.
I wont push him.
But if he doesn't feel the same way.
Then.
I will sing myself a sad, sad song.
I will keep myself posted!

Thanks again.
Joran

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#477804 - 02/23/15 08:30 AM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Sterling]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi Joran,

Sorry about my reference to you being in the South. There is another young poster who had some difficulties living in a Southern U.S. city, and I transplanted his location on your story. Best of luck to you.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#477824 - 02/23/15 02:04 PM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: don64]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 2190
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
not a problem! felt good to get any response , really.

hugs to ya.

G

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#477908 - 02/25/15 05:10 AM Re: q how does 1 know? [Re: Sterling]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Loc: TEXAS
Howdy, my fraternal brother,

Learning to love yourself & accepting who & what you are is a very difficult task to say the least.

I'm a senior citizen who has just recentely came out from the closet. I'm still legally married but seperated by an ocean.

I just started a new phase in my recovery. It's about a gay boy/man. Having to start over in my new life. Hoping to find a partner to share my love with forever. But there is little demand for a guy that's almost 76. I'm not looking for just a one night stand. Sure i get horney, sure i want to satify my needs.
But my extreme shyness sure gets in the way.

Finding your true self and trying to come to terms sexually be it if you're straight, BI or gay, here's my feelings about it.

For me, it's all about how you feel about being gay.
It's where it all comes together, in heart,mind, body & soul, emotionally & mentally as one with a partner.

I hope this is some help for you.

Wishing you well in both healing & daily life, my Canadian brother/friend.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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