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#477384 - 02/16/15 09:31 PM Used Porn as a release (*Triggers This Thread*)
Michgem Offline

Registered: 02/13/15
Posts: 14
Loc: USA, Mich
I don't know how many had/have used pron as a cover up or release from the CSA. I had myself so deep in porn and what is causes ever since high school. It wasn't till about a year ago it got to be so bad and I was viewing the most degrading porn imaginable that I had to get help.
I know the buried past and the obsession were destroying my life.
My counselor has help me stop all porn completely. I am so frustrated with what I have done and just want to make a clean restart to my life.

Edited by ModTeam (10/24/17 04:20 PM)
Edit Reason: Trigger Warning Added by Mod Team

#477399 - 02/17/15 04:36 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1174
Loc: michigan
Judging from the guys I talk to Porn is a really common problem man. try not to beat yourself up too bad. the release that comes is an actual drug of sorts. it is just held within our own bodies! and yes I am still addicted. not so much to the porn but to that release which still brings so much shame. I hope you can be proud of what you have accomplished you deserve that, and as far as the future... it is yours to create! I am sure it will be better
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#477414 - 02/17/15 09:51 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
Jay1946 Offline

Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 252
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Originally Posted By: Michgem
My counselor has help me stop all porn completely. I am so frustrated with what I have done and just want to make a clean restart to my life.

I don't think you realize the enormity of your accomplishment. They say porn is as addictive as cocaine, so being able to stop completely is an accomplishment you should value yourself for.

From reading the posts in this website I've realized that addictions are frequently mentioned as a consequence of childhood sexual abuse.

Congratulations and our best wishes on your restart.

#477467 - 02/17/15 11:57 PM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
robwk1988 Offline

Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 24
Loc: East Coast

Edited by robwk1988 (04/12/15 09:03 AM)

#477497 - 02/18/15 01:46 PM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
Serious Dave Offline

Registered: 01/18/15
Posts: 122
Loc: OH

It's great that you've taken control of your recovery in this way. It takes a lot of courage to do what you've done. I've always had porn around over the years. Tossed it all a couple of years ago, bought more a year later, and then tossed that. Right now, I'm with you in the porn-free zone.

Your strength inspires me!

An eight year old boy named Dave
laid 45 years in his grave.
But, he dug his way out,
and he now has no doubt
that the rest of his life he can save.

#478262 - 03/03/15 11:57 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
Seekingwisdom Offline

Registered: 07/19/14
Posts: 26
Loc: California
You're a real man in that you have courage to face the porn demon and strength in your desire for change, be proud of yourself!! I have had this porn addiction for most my life and admitting my CSA from both male and female has shedded light on why I have the addiction. I'm have heavy triggers to go back right now and I want to thank you for sharing your battle because I come on MS site today to seek hope and brother you've just gave me some THANK YOU you're the man and stay the course and do so at your own pace that makes you whole again thanks for sharing wisdom.

#478528 - 03/07/15 01:00 PM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
JayBro Offline

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 333
Hi Michgem,

Good for you for reaching the porn-free zone! You have found some reprieve from a monster that many men have struggled with. As others who have posted on here, I have had my problems with porn. Not so much that it has been an addiction in my life, but rather it is something which causes me major triggers and there are sometimes moments when I unintentionally seek out porn which I know has been triggering but as a way to somehow "combat" it, "make sense of it," or even to somehow "save" the people in it. It is really weird. I myself was a victim of child pornography over six years and during that time also looked at regular porn sites perhaps as a way to normalize what was happening to me. As others have stated here, the release is a drug of sorts and for me, porn can be like a form of self-harming, such as cutting, which causes pain but a temporary release from emotional pain. These moments have greatly decreased for me but there are sometimes occasions when this affects me again. It is frustrating, but remember where those feelings came from- hurt from sexual abuse and trying to cope with it, sometimes your brain trying to make sense of it. It is also tremendously common for abuse survivors to still feel "attracted" to their abuse but only because of the impact it has had on their lives and on their brain-wiring. In some ways that attraction is a form of complex PTSD in which the body is re-experiencing these traumatic moments in the past. The brain often ties traumatic memories with physical sensations; when the traumatic memory was sexual in nature, what kind of physical sensations do you reckon would be coupled with those memories?

Once again, I wanted to commend you for your achievements and continued efforts. Your post really does come as a light at the end of the tunnel for many who are reading this.

#479035 - 03/15/15 08:24 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
Bardo Offline

Registered: 09/24/14
Posts: 321
Congratulations on your new life! You are doing a very hard and very brave thing putting the porn aside and living your life in the here and the now. I have found that since I started therapy last November, my need to access the porn has decreased significantly, although not gone away entirely. I don't know if I can live life as a "casual" porn user, but that is where I find myself today. I guess that will have to do until I get your courage. Keep it up!

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've witnessed your suffering
As the battles raged higher

And though we were hurt so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

-Mark Knopfler

#479656 - 03/24/15 02:09 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
wareagle Offline

Registered: 03/20/15
Posts: 6
Loc: Southeast USA

The porn use has probably affected all of us at some time ... it usually goes with masturbation but not always. Congratulations on stopping the cycle!!

For the rest of us the cycle continues. Breaking it is the hard part. You have to peel the porn (and maybe the masturbation too) layer off by itself and determine what triggers you to use porn (stress, boredom, procrastination) it may take a while to figure out what causes you to want to go sit in front of an inanimate object for hours a time. Then you can reboot ..... learn about rebooting from porn over at its a great resource for helping to overcome this piece to the abuse puzzle.

I hope this can help someone understand why they consume porn and more importantly how to stop.

Stay Strong!!

#480775 - 04/15/15 04:14 AM Re: Used Porn as a release [Re: Michgem]
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 437
Loc: west coast
There is nothing wrong with porn. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. Its not either/or. Healthy expression of sexuality is about enjoying and expressing your heart and inner most desires between two consenting adults or viewing pleasurable things that bring no harm in the making.
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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