As a former rage-a-holic, I can identify with where you are right now. Better to let it out than to keep it in! "They" call anger a secondary emotion that covers fear and pain which are too difficult to acknowledge. I can also attest to that. Once much of the anger blew off, the pain set in big time - the pain of loss, mostly - and the fear of being discovered.
For me, when the anger finally left is when I began to realize how powerful I actually am. After all, I survived hell on earth and I have a bunch of chunks missing, but I'm tough as nails (except when I'm crying like a baby). Anger feels powerful, but it's like a fire hose; it 's hard to direct and control, and it can knock you on your ass. Case in point: many times after intense screaming matches with my wife on the phone (she can give as good as she gets) I literally wound up on the floor in my office unable to get up for an hour. I think your brain automatically shuts down when you overload your circuits.
You were cheated out of so much in life. You have every right to be as angry as you are and not feel guilty about. But, my brother, what I wish most for you is a peaceful mind - that's where the power is.
And, yes, I too will feel that this is the stupidest piece of drivel I've ever written, right after I click Submit.
Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,
An eight year old boy named Dave
laid 45 years in his grave.
But, he dug his way out,
and he now has no doubt
that the rest of his life he can save.