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#47482 - 04/08/04 07:02 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
phoster Offline

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
some here were older. it hits the overflow point at different places for different men. i was 36. welcome, and thanks for sharing. i know it isnt easy, but it helps, believe me.

hang in there,

compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

#47483 - 04/08/04 07:06 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc (I assume that's you first name! \:D ),

There is NOTHING WRONG with what you feel and there's absolutely NOTHING WRONG with you! If there's nothing else I want you to hear, I want you to hear that.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, believe me. But I'm glad you're here. You're not as alone as you think you are. The brothers come from all walks of life and are at all ages.

I was abused first when I was 11 years old and repressed a vast amount of it until last year. I've been dealing with the nightmares, flashbacks, recovered memories, you-name-it ever since. The toughtest thing I thought was that I was alone, that I was the only 37 year old adult male who was dealing with horrible abuse like it was yesterday.

Marc, you are not alone in this. You are also NOT A LOSER! You are a decent human being who got dealt some awful crap in his life and you're reaching out for help. How many other don't have the courage to do the same?

You are taking your life back from the monsters. This is a very courageous, noble thing. Never forget that!

You are a fine man and a worthy human being. What happened to you WASN'T YOUR FAULT! EVER!

My brother, you are welcome here whenever you want. I'm not in a happy place today (which seems to be happening a lot :rolleyes: ), but I want you to know that there's help a plenty and many brothers who understand and want you to be well.

I can't wait to see what you'll contribute here. I know it'll be a lot.

Now, when I meet someone here for the first time, I say something that I think we need to hear. We should've heard it more often, but didn't. Some folks are put off by it, but I mean it sincerely. I love you, my brother. There's no strings attached to that, and I want NOTHING in return from you.

Peace and love, Marc. And welcome.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#47484 - 04/08/04 07:21 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc I can add nothing to what has been said before. You are never alone again. You have just joined the greatest bunch of guys it is my privilege to know.

Now about being old. I am 63,was abused at Military College at 16-17 and did nothing about it until I was 56.

You will find only compassion, fellowship and support here. So read and post

The journey is not easy but it is the only one to be on.



#47485 - 04/08/04 07:28 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

I was 42 when I first got here. There is nothing pathetic about reaching out, no matter when you are ready to do it.

Instead, I think it's very hopeful. It shows that you realize you have more to live and live well. Now you're reaching for that. There are a lot of us reaching for better lives. I wish you didn't need to join us (I wish there wans't child sexual abuse.), but I am glad that you have found us. I won't tell you it gets easier from here on out, but at least you will have understanding and support from now on. You are not alone.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#47486 - 04/08/04 07:37 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
Archnut Offline

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Hi Marc

I was 14 years of age when I was originally abused by a number of (I use the term very loosely) men over a number of years. From that one point I entered a world that was frightening and bloody confusing. I had been told by these men that I was very possibly gay. This was during the early seventies and homophobia was rife. Imagine what my friends would say if they found out. I suspect (I know damm well) some of my friends were victims also. I cant imagine how they must feel keeping this from thier nearest and dearest. I'm lucky I have unburdened myself they are still living that nightmare.

I never did anything about it, that was untill 1997 when a news story broke concerning my original abuser he had been arrested in Prauge for running a film production company filming very early teens and was convicted and spent three years in prison. Now he is out and apparently grooming young gypsy (Roma)boys in Slovakia.

Most of my adult life was spent in an alcoholic and pill induced haze and I felt untouchable in my oblivion. That was untill the drugs stopped working and I had to stare reality in the face. Not easy but with the backing of my wifes family I managed to report a crime 30 years later.

I have been lucky two of the original group of five now have convictions and both have been put on the Sex Offenders Register (One for life).

Today I just try to take it one day at a time and try not to rush things.

I wish you well on your journey

Oh yeah I'm 48 (I think)and have been happily married for nearly 13 years, some of them sober!

"And all that was left was hope"

#47487 - 04/08/04 10:26 PM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
We hang onto our shit for so long, and then something has to give.
Mine gave at 46yo and after 25 years of marriage.

I could no longer live with lying and cheating, denying and covering up. My life was going down the pan 'rapido'. I was close to self destruction and losing everything, suicide had crossed my mind more than once.

And a little voice in the back of my head said "fuck it, I've had enough !"
For once I listened to that voice, I didn't know who it was back then, but now I do. It was David, 11yo David talking sense.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#47488 - 04/09/04 02:39 AM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1986
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome Marc,

I am sorry that $#!t happened to you and you needed to find us.

Your never too old to get help, and there is no time like the present. You are definately not alone. Not alone in having had this done to you. Not alone in hiding it for so many years. Not alone in needing help and support to address this. Not alone in believing those lies that they put in our heads.

I am scared to death of what may come out.
What will come out is the real you. No need to be afraid of that. There will be some bumpy times along the way, but with determination, help, and support you'll make it through those times.

Take care,

Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

#47489 - 04/09/04 04:25 AM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
faceinthecrowd Offline

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 40
Hey Marc,Welcome to the midlife,what happened to me,he stole my youth,im to blame,my lifes a mess,im starting to figure it out,i cant beleive it happened to me,im going to make it club.Im 47 and I am finally seeing what it means to be free.This place really helps.//////////////facetheday

#47490 - 04/10/04 01:13 AM Re: Finally telling someone and scared
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Marc -

I am also 46... didn't start dealing with this properly until 18/12/03 (not that long ago).

I am now giving myself the respect that I deserve. Most of my dreams used to be nightmares & I didn't want anymore of them to come true.

I have turned the corner...nobody else can do this for takes hard work. Believe in yourself then others will also. Set yourself some simple tasks & set out to achieve them. Achieve several of them & you are achieving a greater goal.


AGE...there's the age indicated by the calendar & there's the age in your some daft things...allow your inner child some freedom!

Go Ape!!

Best wishes ...Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!


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