I think I know the sensation you've described.
For me, it took on the form of depression, anxiety and finally manifested itself in a
overall sense of dis-ease.
I began to have an inexplicable feeling of impending doom. It really became very disruptive to my life. I found myself unable to force myself to go certain places, to follow through on certain tasks.
At that time, I had certain memories of my life, but the way I was taught to look at them didn't jibe with reality.
I think it was my higher self sensing the disconnect between the mythology of denial and the truth about what really happened signalling me that all was not as it seemed. To be careful, to watch out.
This resulted in an overall heightening of my fear reactions, startle reflex and many other things that I know now are associated with PTSD.
My point, (finally!), is that trying to force the memories, either down or out, only resulted in more discomfort for me. It made me feel like I was going insane.
I was at war with my mind and in any outcome I was going to be a loser. Maybe that's the feeling of impending doom??
Starting slowly, I began to find ways to take care of myself. At first, this meant that I stopped abusing myself. Later it became doing lots of things to help comfort and reassure myself.
I reached out. I talk about what's bothering me, even when I don't know. I try to do things that give me a sense of order and stability.
I try to maintain contact with the force of the universe that is greater than me. Often times this is through nature, a friend or a childs laughter.
As I grow stronger and more secure, the memories, too painful to confront, have started to become more clear. And now I have grown enough to be able to respond more effectively. Instead of them destroying me.
You're doing the right things, buddy. You're in the right place and you're asking the right questions.
Do something kind for yourself. Something that makes you feel warm and secure.
Tell yourself that you are not denying these memories; that you are making yourself ready to receive them and then do all the things you already know to do to nurture your inner self.
I have learned not to say "Never!" but instead "Not yet.".
My inner self likes ice cream, so that's easy for me!
There are parts of my childhood "mythology" as told by my family that like your broken leg, make no sense when brought to the light of day.
I have always had huge burn scars covering both of my palms. The story is that i was in the bathroom and my dad was shaving. I was about 2 or 2 and half years old. Supposedly I reached up and grabbed onto the hot grill of the wall heater which was on and red hot. The burns were so severe that they feared they might have to remove my hands.
I believed this story, lacking any evidence to the contrary, until my first therapist gently guided me to question how anyone could possibly overcome the 'touching a hot stove' reflex and actually grab and hold onto a burning hot object.
As I reflected, I saw that as virtually impossible. Then I was able to face some other very unpleasant alternatives--that my father had abused me by burning my hands; or that I as a small child had tried to harm myself for some unkown reason.
Not very good alternatives--and the truth will probably never be known. My dad is dead, and I was too young to remember. I did probe the memories of my older sibliings, without saying why. They followed the "party line" about me grabbing the heater and holding onto it! (!!), but when my sister recounted her memory of my coming home from the hospital and the yellow salve that had to be put on my little hands. All of a sudden the memory of the medicinal odor of that salve hit me with the force of an earthquake. With just the memory of the smell, I cried and was able finally to feel pity for that poor little boy; hurt so deeply and so worried and so afraid.
He and I don't deserve that and we don't deserve to have the truth of our lives stolen away.
Keep doing the things you can for loving and nurturing yourself. Keep coming here and let us love and nurture you. These are powerful experiences. You will be well served to have a support network and perhaps some professional help available.
God bless you, my brother. We'll find that kid with the broken leg and help him heal and help him know the truth. You are not alone any more.
You have lots of friends and brothers with you.
Your story has really triggered a lot in me.
Gotta go take care of myself; maybe shed a tear.
Thanks for sharing. It's helped me a lot.
Your brother survivor,