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#474210 - 12/29/14 06:59 PM
i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I posted something yesterday , got some nice mail , thanks!
I need to write , not necessarily do I expect someone to
respond. I keep feeling my feelings... last night I knocked
the eyes of my teddy bear out.
....it was with my cane
that I use to heal my upperbody.
I did this...I kinda let my aunt to....do it.
I felt like going to sleep immediately after this. I thought
when I wake-up I will start crying. I was about to go to bed
but I asked my neighbour if he could buy me some whipping cream
...so I could eat with some frozen grapes. I called to ask him I changed my mind after what I did to my teddy. He said he was just out the door. It was so embarrassing. I ate a lot of unhealthy food. And I again am comfortable...or I got
used to my weight I put on. I am very sensitive. My folks, or at least my mom before they moved ..."you are skinny, you are skinny"....my brother who came for a day said to me " what are you anorexic "? ... I was 167 lbs. ( sorry to all my metric friends). It felt so good to be that weight. Now ...I haven't weighed my self since july. I must be at least 215. It sucks because I now have a tummy and I got used it. The ...only because it s winter...nobody can tell because I wear a lot of clothes. But the people at the gym can.
I ...feel more confident that I will ask a girl out , one day.
I feel better. But I haven't spoken to my parents over 10 days. When my mom calls , I avoid picking up. And she wont leave a message. I sent back a majority of the money they sent me without me asking. And with the money order I put in a small paper " to your son billy"... this is the reason.
And it is good. Nobody likes me from there. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police...a constable ,,,,called and left a message. Even if I give her a update...I would like them ...
...I don't know what to want , anymore. I want to move ...my therapist said....I think I said this stuff in a another post.
"Your family is no longer in Manitoba.." ....yea ,,I get this.
Maybe I wish I could live in a city where there are more support so it wouldn't be a bitch to find men who have similar experiences to hang-out with. I know this city has awesome guys. But...I feel I ...may be it is because I am not a guy for winter. Which in Canada,,,is limited to nicer weather.
I ....have no money...and I need income and...sorry.
I wish I never hurt myself. I.... don't like feeling sorry
for myself. But then I get pissed off that my dad did sick shit! He made me him. And I am talking to myself too much.
Nobody really knows. And I hate wanting to eat. This is how they all shut-me-up. I know nobody can love me , like I want them to....because I want my mom. My dad listend to his brother,mother, father and that cunt ,sister-in-law. I would love them to hate ,me. But they get away with it. And so I thought if I tell the constable to....talk to my cousins I want them to experience a lot of sickness. Nobody cared.
My dad did sick shit and I feel abandoned .....this doenst feel like home. And my therapist.... I know he will never hang-out with me. I worry about stuff...that may not come true. But I cant live like this. I need more. I have to figure out how to move. Grieving that nobody can see me. My aunt didn't like it that my mom loved me. She would tell me when I was very young " your mom doesn't love you".
What ...why would she say this? And when I reveal more in me every minute , every day. I like my mom....but I tried telling her that " daddy is gay". She stayed away from me.
This is why I want to change my last name. It wont change my dad or .....but I want nothing to do with him. I wish the cops could do something. I love my mom but now I am scared.
.So ... I need love and it is hard in Winnipeg.
It is. There is one group I go to. But I feel I am not responsible if other people cant help.
. sorry I am acting like someone .. .sorry.
I got to go. At least I let a deep breath.
I love you guys and hope I can continue to do this.
This helps me. I love this website.. I wouldn't be here,
literally if it wasn't for Malesurvivor. Hope to
give money or more ....later.
#474238 - 12/30/14 09:00 AM
Re: i love you
Hugs, Goran. You are valuable and worthwhile. Take care of yourself and look forward to better weather!
#474262 - 12/30/14 04:54 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
you guys are da best!
I have to find glue to glue my teddy s eyes.
I hate it. he is my friend and I had to use him to look at him scary, like my aunt and uncle. It s fucking hard!
I have hard time with eye-contact so ...if there is nobody else that can help me I used my teddy. but then...like my aunt she would smack me every time...so it felt like I was her when I was next to teddy. Scary huh?
...but I love him. that is how they would say ..."it ...
I don't like you bozna. dyke! anyway...I don't know who
to go to. because your dad is gay. .yea. that is what they say, mom hates me. I wish I could write to her.
was going to. I was going to write in her language , but suck at it. I wanted to make me laugh. fuck it.. maybe I will do it anyway. life is going I have to start acting on the good stuff. I love people. I am a good dude! I fuck up. like I said I to Brianna ,,, a girl at the ymca. I ....may be needed a mommy ...how this shit just keeps coming out. it is so embarrassing. I have to start taking better care of my body. not take it for granted. so sorry to self.
sorry you had a shitty childhood. but fuck em. let them have billy and meri and zoran. let them laugh. let them fight. hopefully they are alone in London, Ontario. hopefully they are scared of their mom and dad and I hope billy gets really really fat ! hopefully zoran ...well don't care about zoran right grandmother...fuck in bitch. she would tell me I had to hang out with billy and meri and that my brother isn't important. fuck in bitch!!!
what a shitty family you have and you did nothing. on top of that you take my dick away. you allowed your brother to force me to never think , never talk and own his bullshit!!!
fuckin freaks! I never talked. never. and that is why teddy was there. I had to act like he was you guys. fuckin freaks. I hope you have no one to talk to shithead!
I don't love you. I don't care if you have no one. goodbye. stupid woman how you can let him ....you don't care mum. you don't. infact I don't say you love me .... you all help out billy that is why I have a hard time. I really do. I deserve it. I deserve to love my self. and love others. they act out like you are my problem and then you beat me. you should smack billy and you should know what bozna says to me. every fucking night. they are sick, extremely. I don't know mom. but I can only ...fix what I got. and I am 40 ,,,fuck I would like to get laid. it is hard.
sorry I didn't put any caps here... annoying ...but I am not a writer. so ...I feel terrible but I don't think it really matters. ..suicide? why would a boy be suicidal for his daddy? why don't people help goran? yea...but your fuck dumb husband has mental issues. he is so out of it...he thinks his mommy is so fucking special. She is a cunt!
and I wish your kids would fucking shit on you. Literally!
anyway...there my letter mom... your husband is a wuss!
so is your son zoran. I am a cool dude! and these guys are my men and I would do anything to help others. you are not worth it....when you don't stop and ask me and listen.
and ....actually listen with belief ..." my son is going thru fucking hell....how can I help him"?
you cant...your game is done. watch that fucking television and stay out of my consciousness!
thanks sorry if it is too ..wordy...like age 3.
#474321 - 12/31/14 05:18 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
today I was at the Ymca and a guy said to me he would help me stretch. (this was in the shower change area).
I was going to say "funny guy". He once thought I was gay
because I wore a rainbow wristband in the hottub.
It was GayPride weekend in Winnipeg. And I love what Rainbow Resource Center did for me. They helped me a lot!
Anyway, when he saw me with this wristband he got really close with me ...and I had to say I was unsure of my sexuality and that I have been through a lot so it helped me wearing it.
Then he flirted with me in the hottub again a next time....but this time I told him ....after apologizing that I had a messed up childhood. He is a really nice guy.
But I didn't say to him (today) " funny guy".... I said to him
" maybe". I am an idiot! Moron!
Now ...I just gave him a maybe. I thought if I said " funny guy"...it would of came off. Honest? C`mon Goran, be
honest. Yea, but I didn't think about it...I thought later
that maybe it would come off offensive or homophobic.
Yea, but now he might flirt....be honest asshole!
I don't know. I thought I ...I still want to date girls.
But..once entering the change area there are really attractive men. I don't know why I was checking out a couple guys.
I hope I don't scare anybody here. This is. cool.
But I don't want to get myself into a situation where it would make me feel unhealthy or even repulsed by me intitiating an
intimate relationship with a guy. I can really be bi.
Bi...not ....anyway,,,, I love it I can talk here ,freely.
Love ya ,
#474420 - 01/02/15 04:12 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I spoke to a Police officer from my home town , the other day.
it wont be what I want , BUT. they have my dad`s phone number, his address. My loser famiiy in London,Ontario...
and my brother`s address and phone number.
"cool! good for you G!."
yea. thanks. These guys at Malesurvivor helped me a lot.
"how so ?"
they validated me! They trusted me. When I had severe trauma...they didn't tell me " FUCK OFF!. You are too much to the men here. " Y`know have to appreciate this.
I have come so far. I love myself. I am better to myself.
And I realized today...or yesterday , that if I want to create friendships, or women to date....I have to initiate and have to put one foot ahead of the other.
It does suck sometimes. Sometimes I flirt ...only I guess knowing after that I need a mom and a dad. It is exhausting.
Anyway,,,back to why I am writing.
I hope the cops call my dad and mom and I hope my dad is FORCED to talk about what he needs and fears to talk.
I am not responsible for this shit! It is crap.
And shame on them. How can a boy have a life if I never see anyone. My dad ....he would feed me and tell me ....
??? nothing....he would have sex and abandon me. My mom doesn't know this. I tried to be the best kid. And now I am!
But it sucks that I see those around me....and I love my personality but this humble shit, sucks!
I know everyone deserves to be loved and have friends and wealth and all of it. And I do know that people have lives and has nothing to do with me.
It is a boring....kinda of stuff....but I never had friends.
My dad made me.....like a doll. Don't tell and I will feed you and all that shit!
So I wont feel bad, wont! I need to live , elsewhere but I wont tell anyone.... because I am worried someone will start telling " you have to stay here in Wpg..." wow, when
just saying this ..... this is my uncle`s voice and scaring me lie lie lie. That is all they do. They all try to say I am worthless and all this. My brother should have better morals.
He knows I have been through a lot and he ignores it.
He has his own life. I know.
I am jealous. I also had shallow breathing throughout my life. And today before entering the steamroom ,,, I stopped
leaning on the door frame and breathed and breathed.
It was fun and I always am so fucking scared of them.
What they did , wholly shit. I have to always think
or ....talk out loud, with trying to keep it not out loud.
It is evil what they did. I only hope when I speak to the Police in person....
and hey I called the R.C.M.P. last night and left a message requesting I see a male and female Police officers.
I think my intuition is right. I need both.
That way I can challenge my thoughts and go with my body and see what may naturally come out!
Anyway,,, thanks for being here and there.
I love these guys and I hope I get some job, and means of leaving this nice city.
It is good!
It is hard to say goodbye. My therapist hit it on the button with this over the phone , a few years back.
"thanks to you Goran..... try to take a step with a chick, alright...."
but what if I like men thou....?
"well you wont know that yet....just keep doing this and I will be okay. I am not alone. I have these guys ,,,, my deep-feeing friends. I have my men`s group ....and I know how to get my anger out, appropriately.
And I can write. Just I need to put that need to have money for needless stuff.
" doing fine... I am going to turn it off.
...take care bud.
And return as as I can.
bye 4 now.
#474466 - 01/03/15 03:35 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
EXTREMLY SENSITIVE TO SURVIVORS.
SERIOUSLY. DONT READ THIS IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO WATCFHING PORN.
yea...today . okay so.
I don't know how to ask a girl out.
I a fraid. "of ?"
please....I need ......
nedd fa,yu. finmliy. why are you here?
you aren't my momm bozna go fuck some other shit.
no I don't know.
and I don't want to touch.
I don't want to talk to.
daddddddddddddddddddddddddd isn't coming back.
you have to stay the night.
you have to stay here. (blagoj says with rage.
your mom isn't isn't .. "upts a penis in me".
that is ..
...I swallowed him.
and I want this. to be done. I don't want this
I ton dfo don't want bile. I don't want bille I never did. and you forced me to stay and loed like me. you think that you are good. you are bad dad. and I l. I cant talk.
you and your brother are fucking nuts. I hope jesus helps me . and I need to help myself.
I hope these guys to hate me for telling this.
I don't want to .
don't want to?
o don't want to tell.
why? what am I afraid of?
billie .. bilie hasn't spoken to me in years.
this is true.
so so so so so. so. so I am scared of my body.
I am scrared of my body I am screaed of my body I am scared of mybody. I am sceard. scared.
I wmish wish I was grem I wish I sw was a boy.
I wish I was here. I wish I had tome. toroneoto.
I wish I could live in Toronto
cant help me there. need coins. lots of em.
imy my dtat. ltertters. I cant eposl. spell is hars. hard
to talk hard to tell hard to tell. whya what they say
whyat why why they they can geth. thenm. then.
. need to trust. ned to trust . need to trust.
dad. meesssd mhim mess. I am noty you. I am not you kiril. not you I wish I never had a family. wish I never had a person. never had a moeotn. mom is bad. bozna says my mom is garbage. and I should listen to them.
who is them?
you are you are
comone brain. I ined. need .toekr. Toronto.
you w really like my dad. I know I don't like billye. and never liked them. my grandmother tells me to tell my mom she is bad. my bgrangmother . tells me. snd and then billy beats me. she always knew how to get to me.
she and zoran.
I have a lot of shit. why cant I live? why cant I lvie.
I . don't like this. I wish I could kill. .
kill. that wont say or make a t difference.
so what live with them.
noooooo. thi. shti.e with . thenm them. I todnt woant tyou inm my bfrrain. snyo re. I dotn want to see your face
I want tyou out mfe of. . out f. do . you want to killm e boeizna. bilie mom is shit. and my daad takes me over themre. . and mot ther god why cant I take care of me. what is this and why the fuck cant some tk. ta«ke. t.a
say it arldaduy
. ned thait hi todnt you friends. family , you are sick.
kriil is sick and I don't want tyour food. I don't want your .ficaokey. and I hope yo ahre av mental dhtought.
I hoper hi httttttttt thjitttt ttttttttt
dore. doerna donre. dorn.
.. gggoran. never. never awatn to be a movei star. never never never never never never never
SO now . snoe. I just watnt o fix this. I want to work and not tlook at men ubuts. don't want those. thos ae dkt
sot live love love love love lveo lov eldvedvdvdd
#474609 - 01/06/15 09:45 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
how can he say that?
don't you like me?
yea. you like billie.
this is thost. how do I tell them to go hell?
bliagoj. laughing. mom otls. I cant look at me.
I not goran. fear of . look mirror.
no girl. no aunt. no. trust? voice?
. made me. touch . illie you. do .
zoran. can I see you?
cristana. I like good looks.
men like . billie.
I don't know sex identity.
don't tell. oppostite. tell all.
tell everyone. she wont see. she isn't here.
my brain isn't the only one here in the peg.
school. I am so embarrassed. have to start.
work. need money. need to heal my body more.
angry. boxing bag. family.
e who? family. years. trust ? not
you. don't leave me there.
don't tell your mom. says bozna.
. I don't want to touch him.
ken. bozna says using ken doll
"touch here, billie says he will hate goran.
all I see is goran`s smile. I don't make sound.
I never d tried to see. dad I have to make him
not trying. suddenly I remember
being a girl.
I don't like me . who do I go to?
maybe if I go to sleep it will be okay tomorrow morning.
it is never going to be okay.
I have no one to share this with.
bilie doesn't care. she wants her dad to be
where..... I hold a knife.
I don't know why .
I feel like I scare my mother.
what are you going to do with that knife billie asks .
not tell. not tell not tell not tell.
. billie is smiling. and I have no family.
who . smack. smack. smack.
this is what my aunt does. she smacks.
me. zoran teases me.
iam woman. goran is a woman.
who to . doctor. take goran to the doctor.
his penis isn't growing .
I am on the gurny. I don't want to take my pants off.
I don't want to take my pants off. PLEASE.
dad. please.. talk . meri says to
tell my mom , she is secl
. mom smells. mom smlels.
. you know smart.
. . where is she?
where are you mom?
. don't say anything. I have to keep quiet.
I have to stay still.
black. black. my brain isn't here.
where is it? not here.
Thompson isn't alive.
where I am. I am in l.a.
grandma. play with billie play.
. but I know. I know I am not here.
I know I am in los angeles. . why would they do this?
why . say . this to me? why make someone mental?
why? why cant I smell? why cant I shit properly?
why don't you laugh at your mom karol.?
why do you hold me like you actually like me?
why don't you get smacked?
why cant you say sorry.? why cant you love me?
what did I do? did I say something? howcome
billie gets everything? she is pretty and I am ugly.
why cant I get a man? what am I , an animal?
why cant mom know what they say about me?
why cant my brother talk to me? why do I have to be you?
why? in. this live you have to be here.
where ... wipe my tears aunty. why do I scare me.?
why do I have to scare me? I don't know who to talk to.
if I talk will the police tell me I am sick.?
you say to. only ask no thing. to . date. is okay
to date my dad. to ask nobody. don't tell your dad.
... remember if you say anything . to him. you aren't
smart. don't listen to billie . . don't listen to you.
don't have a friend. don't have a penis.
QUIET. you aren't a boy. you are special.
you are only you. no boy can talk to you.
no boy. mom is not here. mom doesn't love you.
she loves nobody. your mom is sick.
don't talk to her. meri is mom. zoran is bad.
don't talk to zoran. and you have no one. only us.
you come to us. your dad is the only one to talk to.
grade 2 , grade 1 .
to. be a 1 month old. dad is smiling with me in his hands , tell me. tell me I am the one.
karol isn't my family. billie is my mom. and I get slapped a lot. and this is okay. I can take it.
this is special. special.
I have to go.
where? not los angeles. don't want to live down there
. goran you need us.
no way! you need a fucking psychologist.
the best. I am not your mom. and you cannot tell me .
that I am a girl. you are evil bozna. you cant talk.
you stay away from me. stay. away.
I wish I had a dad. I wish he could not tell me.
. touch me. don't touch me. why cant I say something?
where is God? I am so sensitive. why is this shit so lonely? why cant I just have a home?
why cant I not think of kids? why cant I go away and never have to see.? why is this so hard?
why? cant you all disappear from my mind?
and . I I don't want a world who wants me. . not
sure why I cant say one . and then I say two. I don't want children to. quick. quick. quick.
fuck you. suck billies . I have no penis.
ken. I don't want to. I don't want to touch ken.
I don't want to know who you are.
you are not my mom.
quit talking to me like you are here.
goodbye for now. got to go.
#474836 - 01/10/15 05:28 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
d.fgh. gg. goran.
don't know your name.
don't know your mom.
don't know who. are. mom. mom. mom. mom. mom.
. vagina. vagina. hates.
me. not true.
wont listen to that voice.
meri. . couch. idea.
I always. go to their house.
. feed me. alcholl.
cops wont hear me.
cops. . doory.
ancient . ancient.
remember when. no.!
don't remember when. no
bour. put your mouth on your dick billy.
no t a kid. not you.
goran isn't bad. slap.
slap slap slap. slap. slap.
l slap slap slap slap slap slap.
wait. I inhaled and stuff my feelings
and eye-contact. safe.
safe. slep. horrible person.
she likes to be the best mom.
she hates me. and I hated smila.
who is smial. bio. mom.
and. I am on a time-bomb.
I can kill myself.
haven't yet. yea. so
. I hate this. there is no one here.
no one here. no one ner. ehtr ti to this
tou bors.t. .whyat . cant spell.
I am only slapped. slapped. 1980`s
were evil............. don't want my
family. don't want t he tires at school.
love. know that I don't have to love.
and I am good. wont listen to grandparents. wont listen.
wont. getting angry when others love
.... hmm. why do I have
to love? nobody loved me.
and this sute. terrible. hockey.
too busy thinking and talking to myself.
and I never turned to n ome. names
don't watory. let billy love herself.
hert. let him love them.
I don't know you. I wont never care about.
meridian. where is your mom.?
why do you ask bozna?
you . slapped. the
cunts are living in me. I let them.
shut-up. don't care about meri karol.
you have no. bozna. is gay.
so what? yea. movie warriors.
didn't like it that much. Y?
anger. anger anger. I am afraid to think.
BIG. yea. need someone.
I hated t.v.. so. yea.
don't have friends. now?.
now I have a men`s group. it is solid.
new York. why do you want to live over
there? anger .
work? no work. Vanessa.
who is she? a girl I once was with when I was 10.
and she took off her top and her mom knocked on her bedroom
door. why did I bring this up?
. where is she? she lives here in Winnipeg
stop this is sick. don't tell me this.
... tell ? bozna wants to have sex.
so . she is a woman.... don't be a wuss.
I am little you jerk.
I am sick of loving myself.
it isn't worth it.
. so what else do I want to say?
work. I always move in my mind.
always here. and my therapist isn't my friend.
best therapist I have ever come by.
. remember my feeling of lamented.
sorry I don't know who you are talking about.
goran you have to learn more.
how? have to figure that one out.
I hate this.
yea. here ya!
I am so forgotten. what?
for not forevr they . they want to play with me.
.... I always confuse my dad with my uncle.
not good. and I always think my mom is sick. meri`s smile.
I don't want them. and my dad ....always
touches me. I didn't like going home.
what do you do? I fill myself with food.
fuckt. yea. and then he can love me. how. food touch me.
if I eat I am a good.
if I don't. groan. goran gets bad thoughts.
goran is bad goran. needs mom. goran needs a family. so whrod
wors, goran watches porn. where id do I watch porn. my uncle.
family finds. t.v. t.v. is real I am not!
t.v. is good I am not.
t.v. is my family I am . ..
.family. I do see why people always never like me. too needy.
children. food is my feel. food is my that. then my . my dad knew he had to do this.
or else? I would killm
you. need to make sound. need to shout
I haven't done this in a while.
work. fuck that for now.
work sucks. no you suck.
and you and hi.m billy is gay.
why does this all matter to make someone else gay?
may be ...
penis. I never had my own penis.
I a wa s. a how will I ever look at his
seing as it was .?
I don't want my name. don't want to remember them. don't like billy.
I don't care what her mom ...
I am in so much pain. fizically. sorry sometimes in English ...words and spelling.
have too much internal to find the right letters.
I don't like it that my hand is ready to hold a penis .
red red red red red red red red red red red red.re
d. dfer dfer dfer dfer dferdf ereredfdfdfdfdf
rerreeredfdf dd ...staying up at bilileys
home. my brother didn't say anything.
he is not me.
this is not what? this is important because everyone has to be exactly how I need them.
everyone listens to them.
everyone to. to . t. talk. need to talk. need to talk.
I hate it I am by myself with this.
is fright. laugh and laugh.
how do you live with that fucking brain, blagoj?
how do you live with it?
who can god allow this shit to happen?
there is no good from this?
he is gay.
my dad bro is fucking gay.
and I have to be careful what I say.
if I say something they beat me.
and stupid bio dad is there. and I couldn't look at him. and that fucked me up forever.
all the time. I was scared of him.
my mom is there and she ....I was somehow I turned into a girl from 1985 01986.
and I was. so ashamed of me.
I hated me. my left eye was so .
my right wouldn't
I . hate his. them. I hope no one ever loves me. I don't like that but that comes to me.
and I never want to see me again.
they di. her finger. she made sure I couldn't look at her.
and they had me eat .
family not for this guy.
don't know what it s like ..
I feel ... no one I see I am very desperate for love
and I mess up with strangers.
and I make that I am more interesting than other guys???
this is screwed . I hear to. to follow this
noway. I don't want this. I don't like going in their home. I cont how to remember my thoughts.
how to feel my pain. it this is not easy
and I don't know who to talk to.
pain they make her feel fantastic and I am shit.
my dad , joins in. buy him something.
that is what my uncle wants.
and I force myself to watch t.v. and ...
I wish I cojuld kill them.
I never will take myelf w for granted.
I don't care a if someone doenst like me.
I am good guy.
world . ...toe. they live with this.
how is it I am special.
meri isn't cgoo good. but I get beaten up.
and I have always went to places.
never travelled. not toll . . them.
them are in mye. head.
you can go to you r t hougts.
your aren't my father.
dream all you want you wont have this all.
and I don't need your fucking food.
you are an imposter. and your wife thinks .like you all.
I wont see any of you.
I get c. this. work
work work work work. work.
I don't want to work. I want to play.
I wish I had Netflix and video games.
I wish I could rest and not have to pretend I am going to move.
I wish I could leave you in 1974 and some fucking make
of this or. what. I don't want to see your mom or dad ever. you are an idiot.
and now I am an idiot for you and your fucking freaks.
fuxk. I sick of this. don't care what you want their smila. you fucked care about billy I am not jealous of you stupid . dad is dumb. you can listen to what ever . a dit know thned you. go to los angeles.
you are a special gift bozna to l.a.
I think they should study you. gay bitch!
I en never go t a man to like me. nobody is good.
. nobody is ever good enough for me.
bitch! I don't remember karil. I don't want toyou.
I never and I have enough anger that I wont explode meri.you willkill someone not me.
you are idiots. you deserver fuck all.
go to your grandparents and may be you will kill them.
becaseu they are crap like all of you.
shitty shitty people. very .
got t. don't wanh to go anywee
I am alone or not don't care
I will be mysef.
and find what ever. don't need you.
hate is good. to you.
and never hate me.
I will find love for me.
#474942 - 01/12/15 06:50 PM
Re: i love you
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
anything new? no.
just kidding. don't want you.
I want to see you but .
I miss you . I sometimes think of you lying
in your bed and .
di I hate your family. I called bozna's
phone yesterday and left a message that she is a lesbian.
I enjoyed it!
I would love to do more , but I need to be careful.
I suck at speaking your language. Why I am
whte. I am. why do I listen to you?
why do I care about you? why do I care.
when do I go to los angeles dad? when do I get to see me? men to. like. who are you?
I don't want billie. your parents are fucked! they turned me into a girl.
you think this is humorous.
this isn't funny. did you also know that my behavior toward innocent people is reasoned by you, your brother and his horrific wife? don't care huh? !
when do I get my childhood dad?
when do I get a girlfriend?
may be I like dick. and you know this. So I should maybe accept it.
I never had puberty . so. feeling
stupid. I feel stupid and so I eat to stuff
it all. Bring goran over.
so. I am a prostitute. at every
age. I am not dumb. But billie cant be dumb , right?... I was anxious all my life.
I could have killed someone.
I want to leave. I would love to see billie right
now. I would love to fucking kill her. and you.
and zoran. not even a fucking apology from my brother. I deserve this?
What happened to you in your fucked up country? You are so proud. Y`know....when people see bad things happen ,
they correct it!
If you know abuse is happening to children, you should fucking do the right thing. Speak up!
I am not you. This is another mistake.
Even stupid mom, is smart.
So mom is to blame for your sister and your brother`s psychological pain. And then they turn me into this monster.
I cant sleep. But billie is good, right?. Yea, my fucking ass! Did you ever think what it is like for me?
I have a problem. I make myself sick physically by filling me with food and liquid. I should be out making friends.
When I go to the bar and sing. I sit on the other end of the table, by myself.
This is normal, for you? for your family? You guys have no idea who you are. You love your parents that you would do anything for love. Yes! But I am 40 and broke.
And now I feel like I want a sexual relationship.
I don't know anything. I am smart. But I am dumb, too.
Your brother. What is he, or that?
He takes me in his car and ....I am sure he is suicidal.
You think a boy should hear this shit?
Answer the right answer I will fucking kill you!
You brother is an idiot. And needs help. Fast!
He hates everything and takes his anger out on me.
Special Goran!! yea. my ass, this is disgusting.
What is worse is all the people I have seen over the past decades and even now are exposed to this.
This isn't right. People shouldn't feel anything for me.
They shouldn't . People know stuff. And they shouldn't care. The shouldn't. But you have this idea that your parents are the best and that your country is the best.
Well, guess what YOUR NOT. AND YOU ARE VERY,VERY WRONG!
Mom thinks you are innocent. This feels shitty.
Especially is that I do miss her. I love her. Even thou
she hit me a lot. And spat on me from across the room calling me Blakche!
Your pedophile brother , that everyone protects.
This is ...not ..me. I . You should be in jail.
YOu should be. I should be paid for all the therapy I have
gotten for the past 14 years.
All my money goes to therapy, rent and food.
While your little cunts in London, Ontario...... keep secrets goran ....you are to blame for all of this.
Now I see how people fucking explode and they should.
But I believe also that people should explode ....on a punching bag.
How would you feel if I locked you up , , in a cell and you have no one to talk to ?
I am enjoying this. But it wont happen.
Fucking garbage. That is all you are.
You deserve to feel good , hey karl?. yea and your billie deserves it all! Zoran likes teasing me.
Fatty fatty. How did I get to love food and sugar so much uncle karl? That is your name uncle. You aren't a dad.
You are fuckiing nuts! I don't like thinking about food.
But I do. It saves me... or helps me at the moment.
It is bullshit. And you and your wife say I am skinny I am skinny. And so now I am like 220 pounds.
Yea, my ass isn't as nice as it was a year ago.
I fucking hate your parents. Your shitty culture tells kids its okay to hate yourself ,just you have to envy your grandparents. CRAP CRAP CRAP!.
I heard from a guy at a meeting a couple weeks ago that children should respect their elders.
Yea....well he hasn't my story.
And I think if you respect the kids....they will respect you.
It shouldn't be automatic. No No NO!
Get a life. Don't fuck up mine!
Cowards! I would love it if the cops come over there and ask
you some questions. And I hope you are FORCED to tell them bilie`s and meri`s number and they should spill that their dad is queer. That their mom is.
I was forced to touch his penis and you saw much of this.
You enjoyed this. You are not my dad.
Did you not see when your sister had me take the pants off
Ken doll and shake my hands over the gentalia.
This fucked me up!
Oh and your brother and sister-in-law (dyke) got me drunk
before your brother would fuck me all the time.
Yea, that is why I cant remember all the details.
You should what that caused me you FUCKING PRICK!!!!
I hate you. You should tell God that you are fucking alive
it was me. I would pound you and your wife and zoran and
the other garbage down their in southern Ontario.
Get some help. You deserve it....stay away from me.
You are too .. lucky. Get some help ...you think kids are that sweet , which is disgusting how you say it in your language ...you are too fucking dumb to see that you need severe help ....kids don't like to be touched like that.
Or muniplated! Do you like it if you were munipilated?
....I have a lot of time.... SPEAK UP!
I am not stupid! I have a lot of people in my corner.
Being careful....because kids are intelligent and deserve a damn good childhood. Wake-up! Go to your shitty country and start speaking up for the little ones.
Abuse is scary. I cant imagine how many kids are suffering over there ....because of disgusting anger toward the parents and grandparents for not loving unconditionally!
This is your guys` mess, NOT MINE, and NOT SOCIETY!
You are trash,,,nothing less only more!
Get some help or fuck yourself. I hope your mind falls less
and you wish you could love yourself without looking at children as if they are your problem or the solution to your problem.
Either fix yourself. or die.