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#469453 - 08/28/14 10:17 PM Re: learning to embrace loneliness help plese [Re: HD001]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3787
I am a survivor and can tell you CSA creates loneliness everywhere. The victim until he/she heals, knows loneliness due to fear does not allow the victim to truly connect with others, leaving those that love the victim to confront loneliness because they are pushed aside. It is a sad cycle.

The key is for you to take care of yourself, find an outlet that makes you feel good, happy and fulfilled. Your husband needs to find a way to heal, for everyone's benefit including his own. His lying and acting out ensures he remains alone, the abuse conditioned him to live life alone. He needs to make contact and when the closeness overwhelms he retreats, pushing people away. Even though the survivor wants to be alone, the survivor needs to fill the need for human interaction. Until the victim heals this cycle can repeat.

Remember there are victims who want to heal and work hard at it. I wanted to heal, I was tired of blackouts, lost time, feeling afraid and allowing others to devalue me, but I did not undertake the process until 45+ years after the abuse. Burying a secret and living in denial for decades take a toll. I do hope your husband gets to the point of committing to healing, but to be honest it is his decision.

In the meantime you need to take care of yourself. Sometimes seeing others move forward and embrace life can be a catalyst for the survivor. No guarantees, but it will give you a life worth living. Find people and activities that take you out of the realm of your house, try to focus on positive aspects of your life, meet people and do not dwell on the problems because they can overwhelm others.

I am sorry you are dealing with this loneliness and I hope you find an outlet to fill the void. Good luck.

#469457 - 08/28/14 10:47 PM Re: learning to embrace loneliness help plese [Re: HD001]
journey4two Offline

Registered: 08/27/14
Posts: 41
Hugs, HD001. I'm sorry it is so tough right now.

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