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#469060 - 08/17/14 04:40 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
It's my nickname. HD or Hilda is what my friend's call me
Everything comes from within

#469226 - 08/21/14 07:02 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Judith Offline

Registered: 05/08/14
Posts: 129
Loc: USA
I have always wanted to know what the names meanings are.


#469229 - 08/21/14 08:06 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
NoSimpleMachine Offline

Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 223
Loc: SF Bay Area
No Simple Machine is the name of a song by The Old 97's, an alt-country/texas bar rock sorta band that has been kicking around for 20 years now and I really like. I have a youtube video of a live performance in my signature (not the greatest quality recording, but I really loved the energy of the performance). The song is sung to a woman who is too bright and too good for the shitty men in the world who are trying to own her and take her, and the artist is telling're too good to just be seen as your sex or gender. You are "no simple machine".

Would like to think it resonates with me and my CSA and accepting my orientation for pretty obvious reasons. A lot of the lyrics relate directly to how I can frame a positive relationship with my abuser, particularly stuff like "he mighta had you, but he never had you" and "he tried to break you but he didn't realize you are no simple machine".

He said "Can I buy you a drink?"
What he meant was, "Can I buy you?"
Yeah his eyes were pits of despair
But his accent recalled the bayou
Oh, and women go crazy for guys who talk funny
And men who treat them mean
Aw, but you deserve better than that, my friend
You are no simple machine

You're not a girl who is easily swayed
By a quick-witted, sure-footed dancer
Yeah, your heart is as large as your great big brain
And sometimes there is no answer
You had your eyes closed, and he saw you comin'
His good side's the one side you'd seen
Aw, but he tried to break you
He didn't realize
You are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, It's gonna take all night
You are no simple machine

He said, "Who's this fool on your arm?"
And I said, "Let me at him"
Oh, his bell begs to get rung
And his nose begs get flattened
Ah, you kept your composure
I'll give you credit
You led me away from that scene
He mighta had you, but he never had you
You are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, It's gonna take all night
Aw, 'cause you are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, it's gonna take all night
'Cause you are no simple machine

Aw yeah, you are no simple machine
That's right

Edited by NoSimpleMachine (08/21/14 08:15 PM)
If I know only one thing it's that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue-tied and dizzy and I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing Helplessness Blues, why should I wait for anyone else?

#469247 - 08/22/14 06:03 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
learning2remember Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 403
Loc: Europe
When I started facing the abuse, teh thing that worried me most was not remembering all of it. There was one incident particularly where I just block out. (Now that I think about it, if there is any one incident where the memory gaps are pretty obvious to fill in, it is this one, but, still I thought that if I didn't remember exactly what he did, I couldn't be sure I was abused.)

So my first goal, and probably longest standing one, in recovery, was to remember. I wanted to remember it all so that I would KNOW.

I've pretty much given up on that. I'm not sure it's possible, and I'm pretty sure if it happened I would then wish I could forget.

I've thought of changing my pen name, though I doubt it's possible. And maybe "learning2remember" includes learning to accept what I remember and not need more.
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

#469249 - 08/22/14 07:43 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4227
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Originally Posted By: traveler
Josh & all -

i too am a traveler. i second what you said about the sense of adventure and the excitement of discovery and learning.

i've lived at over 30 addresses in 7 states, 6 countries and 4 continents. i have visited over 30 countries and have a hard time staying too long in one place. don't really have a home town - and don't like revisiting some of the places i've lived - for obvious reasons. i guess i've been searching for something - and also trying to escape something. at this point in life - i know that much of my journey has been internal as well as external. still some distance to go - but i'm getting closer.


as of this month, make that 7 countries and 5 continents where i've lived.

i have a T-shirt with these words on it:
"Happiness is not found in the destination, but in the journey."
i am not sure what the destination is, but i am having a progressively better journey!

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#469262 - 08/22/14 05:21 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Ocellaris Offline

Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 23
Loc: New York
Ocellaris is a species of clownfish. "Nemo" from the popular animated movie is an ocellaris clownfish. I originally chose the name because I keep a saltwater fish tank and the ocellaris clownfish was one of the first ones I kept. But I also chose the name because this is arguably the most exploited species of fish in the aquarium trade. And like an aquarium fish, I often feel like I live my life isolated from others. It is like I live in a glass box -- they observe me; I observe them. But that's usually about it.
That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.
-- Stephen King, "The Body" (from Different Seasons)

#501466 - 09/08/16 05:23 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
motmcd Offline

Registered: 08/15/12
Posts: 247
Loc: PA
When I was a lad I had trouble spelling certain words backward. My name, Tom, was one of those words. So Mot became my childhood nickname and it stuck for many, many years. I use it in many places, but here in particular as a nod to myself as a little boy before CSA took my innocence.
I do many things well with mastery over nothing.

#501467 - 09/08/16 05:38 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
WontGiveUp Offline

Registered: 02/12/13
Posts: 218
Loc: Texas
This is a cool thread! Thanks for reviving Tom!

My screen name... WontGiveUp... I guess its pretty obvious :-). Its my mantra for my husband, as I am the wife of a CSA survivor. I will never give up on him. I will always hope that he finds the light inside him to thrive.
*** rising from the ashes like a phoenix ***

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

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