i have read your post. obi.
and it saddens and angers me,
because i know it is true.
i was not going to be the one to say all that,
but now that it is written... i am forced
since i started to post in this MS.ORG forum,
i have been attacked and ignored quite a bit,
more than i would like to admit.
when i started receiving abusive angry comments
i was deeply hurt and almost left on many occasions.
it was shocking how hostile and mean some of the members were to me.
at first. i did not know how to react,
but i stuck to my christian rules of repeated forgiveness.
seven times seventy times, i forgave.
i turned the other cheek, loved my brother,
and blessed those who were cursing me.
this non-combative, passive/aggressive approach
to verbal attacks and name-calling was
usually enough to defuse the abuser's outburst.
sometimes it was not.
sometimes the moderators had to intervene.
i got triggered by the abusive hostile attitudes that i received, especially the name-calling and labelling.
if i was not a stubborn person, i would have quit this website. i thought about it, but i refuse to be bullied or intimidated.
i will stand firm in dignity and endure the insults
and ignore my irrational instincts and inhibitions.
i have every right to express my emotions and opinions here.
i fit the criteria for membership, and i follow the guidelines.
i do not post in anger, but rather i post about anger.
if someone here is angry at me, i understand and forgive their feelings.
many SA survivor/victims have hair trigger detonators.
i can be oblivious and insensitive in my desire to be open and honest.
i am not part of the politically-correct censorship club,
so i tend to use obsolete definitions and labels that may offend unintentionally.
but i do recognize the need for tailored speech.
diplomacy, courtesy, tact …
these are all great bridge-builders and peace-makers,
but they are also powerful weapons in an argument.
it becomes more and more difficult to disrespect someone
who is consistently showing you respect.
you either soften your words and mellow your mood,
or you end up looking bad.
unfortunately, the opposite is also true.
it becomes more and more difficult to respect someone
who is persistently showing you disrespect.
the urge to break the truce and throw a punch can become very difficult to resist.
you can always call it self-defence later.
i especially received negative angry abusive personal attacks and insults whenever i tried to discuss my feelings and thoughts about god or government.
these are vital to my sense of security, identity and recovery.
my health and welfare and safety depend upon my awareness of threats and hazards in my environment.
WARNING! spiritual scripture
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
beware. those are trigger topics. taboo even.
outside of the spirituality forum, you cannot say simple things like "may god bless you" or "i will pray for you" without fear of mob reprisal.
the mere mention of any religious word (church-priest-bible-etc) can launch a holy war.
i tried to explore my sexual confusion and i was targeted by MS.ORG members who claim to speak for the homosexual community and seem to feel that they have exclusive rights to certain words and phrases.
apparently i am not homosexual, and therefore i did not feel welcome in that forum.
although, i am not heterosexual.
what am i? i guess i will never know… because
the treatment i received in the gay section of this forum was so upsetting,
i have not been able to post there. i felt judged and rejected.
i am still hurt.
there is a lack of empathy and community here.
there is a lot of defensive hostility.
that is to be understood, i suppose, considering our collective history.
but one would think that our experience would teach us to be tolerant and caring toward other survivors.
we need more love and respect in the communication between members.
for many many SA survivors…
those are rare commodities and difficult expectations.
there are a lot of damaged egos, surrounded by huge thick walls of brick,
with arsenals of defensive doomsday devices.
how do i know?
i am one of them.
this place is a minefield.
step lightly and carefully.
thanks for bringing up an uncomfortable topic and addressing it openly.
this should be discussed.
if we are honest about ourselves and our bad behaviour,
we can improve it.