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#468092 - 07/28/14 02:35 AM Re: Urges [Re: Nate]
brother2none Offline

Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 269
Loc: Undisclosed
There is some research out there that abuse affects portions of the brain, the hippocampus, if I recall correctly, that affects sexual stimulation etc... Might be worth a look. There may be a physical basis for the changes you feel.

#469320 - 08/24/14 09:57 PM Re: Urges [Re: Nate]
westsidej Offline

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Minnesota
Hi all!

It's been a few years but it's good to be back with my CSA brothers. Many of you don't remember me but that's okay as I need to learn about many of you, too.

Please feel free to check out my story but it definitely contains triggers and like many of yours, has made some of our other brothers cry after reading it. I know that I cry or have anger after reading some of the survivor stories here.

Well, this seems as good as any topic to come back into MS on and so here's my take. I am currently in therapy, yet again wink for my CSA and the fallout from it that still affects me after all these years. I just talked with my sex therapist about how I can masturbate and orgasm in sometimes a minute or less thinking about all of the gay sex I had, abusive or not but can't always do it thinking about women. It's like a hardwire from my brain to my penis thinking about oral sex with a man.

She told me that so long as I just use it once in awhile for masturbation and recognize that's it just a way to get off quickly, it's no problem. I'm married and hetero now but have come to accept that I will always have those sexual memories and be aroused by them even though I much prefer heterosexual activity. The problem comes when flashbacks interfere with hetero sex which I don't want it to do or when abusive experiences are used in an unhealthy way and for sure acted upon.

The key thing that myself and others in the thread have mentioned is the need for therapy to address these issues and let the path to healing lead where it may. I can't recommend sexual and regular therapy enough as it has saved my marriage, allowed me to accept my homosexual experiences and desires and reminded me that but for my abuse, I would almost certainly been heterosexual and that I can choose my sexuality instead of having abusers do it for me. I only want and have had only had heterosexual relationships but am more than okay saying that I am turned on and get super hard thinking of men's genitals due to my abuse.

If you take away nothing else from my post, please know that it's okay to be aroused by your abuse, it's okay to be a heterosexual male who is turned on thinking about sex with men, it's okay to admit you can't heal from the abuse without professional therapy and it's okay to be open and honest here with your feelings and thoughts.

It's not okay to go through life letting our perps decide who we are as a person, who we're attracted to and for sure it's not okay to ruin personal relationships because we're too tough, too macho or too proud to seek out counseling to deal with our abuse and how it affects our sexuality and state of mind.

Hope this helps and be well my brothers.


Edited by westsidej (08/25/14 12:41 AM)
Edit Reason: added additional info
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

#476135 - 01/28/15 06:02 PM Re: Urges [Re: Nate]
LMG Offline

Registered: 01/28/15
Posts: 7
Wow - I like your message in this post and completely identify

#476145 - 01/29/15 12:09 AM Re: Urges [Re: Nate]
vrocotamy Offline

Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 53
Loc: North Jersey/New York City
Re: above post. While I sympathize, this forum is for Gay/Bi/Trans Survivors, and I think that acceptance of non-straight sexual orientation should be a baseline to post here and not be sidetracked into issues that belong in the Sexual Identity forum. Sorry to play moderator, but I think it's worthwhile remembering why a separate GBT forum exists. I don't mean to diminish the commonalities between us or the significance of anyone's personal experience, but GBT voices are still marginalized - even within the survivor community - so it's worthwhile for us to have our own space.

Edit: I realize above post was from August so I feel a little silly now.

Edited by vrocotamy (01/29/15 04:44 AM)

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