I came out at 19 and am now 65. However, I have carried an enormous amount of guilt and shame and self-abuse all these years, all tied to my abuse at the hands of my parents and the judgmental and hate filled version of religion I grew up in.
Recently I have been going through a gay movie marathon on Netflix, and am finding enormous emotional spaces in me are opening up. I couldn't even watch gay movies before now because it was just too painful to confront everything that was absent in my life. I'm now feeling like a very dried fruit that is finally and quickly getting re-hydrated. Though I've been a hermit for many years and only had psychologically abusive relationships before that, it feels like I'm finally healing. I am finally much more natural in my own skin, and am feeling like I will soon emerge from the isolated state I have been in for a long time and embrace my gayness in a healthy and much freer way than I ever have. It's hard to put words to how I feel, but it includes the wonder and awe of youth minus the fear I've always carried.
Congratulations on the results of your hard work, and thanks so much for sharing your journey.
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards