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#46815 - 06/29/06 09:13 PM Re: Found my Perp
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY

I am so very proud of you!! You showed an unbelievable amount of compassion for this woman and her son. When you wrote that you could not bring yourself to tell her the real reason why you were there becuase she missed him and only had fond memories of him, I said to myself, "Hauser is a real man"! I know for a fact that I would not have been able to do that. I believe that you are much farther down the road to recovery than you think you are; just give it some time to sink in.

You also have a 100% certainty that he is dead. You can go back to his grave to resolve any unfinished business that you have at any time. I'll say it again, Hauser, you are a real man and I am so very proud of you!!

God Bless,


Recovery is Possible!

#46816 - 06/29/06 10:51 PM Re: Found my Perp
jesse7 Offline

Registered: 04/26/06
Posts: 105
Loc: AZ
There's nothing I can add to what has already been said. You're no failure. You had compassion and you forgave the man who brought you all that pain. You faced your fear and it didn't get the best of you. But like John said, there's someone else that needs your forgiveness and compassion...


What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

#46817 - 12/02/06 09:21 PM Re: Found my Perp
Steven Heath Offline

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 81
Loc: New York City
What an amazing story. You inspire me. I agree with what everyone has said. There is one thing I would like to mention about "failure". It is a perception and nothing more. Years ago I learned that if I lived up to my expectations of what would make me NOT a failure..I'd never reach the top of that mountain. I was always setting myself up to feel failure. If you can, my friend, try to experience some things in life without having to put it somewhere on the "failure" scale. It's really hard....and to this day...I still measure most of my experiences on that scale. And most of the time I allow that feeling of failure to creep into the front of my brain. But, I try to remember we are the ones who write the rules for our own "failure scale". As an outsider..from how I know you..which is only from our chats here.....YOU ARE NO FAILURE.
Your friend,

#46818 - 12/02/06 11:52 PM Re: Found my Perp
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I don't believe that you walked away from the cemetary feeling no better than before, because you certainly deserve to feel better than before.

What you did was behave like a man, you didn't involve the other people who might be innocent, unknowing of what your perp actually did, and therefore love the man.
You went there, gained the information you needed, said your piece and walked away - like the man you are.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#46819 - 12/03/06 12:35 AM Re: Found my Perp
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Well that was weird! Not been here for a while. In some sort of limbo....suppose my head is just having a rest (though it doesn't feel like that).

I came looking for some sort of answers again tonight.

Hauser - you made this post on the eve of my birthday this year. Over the last few days/weeks, I've been thinking of having a first birthday party (or at least some sort of celebration (?)) on March 17th next year - 1 year to the day since the perv was convicted.

It's astounding that a post from June was brought back to the top today, and that I came here in need of an answer today. I'd asked my parents to let me know if this shit was going to get better (dead for 6/16 years) and didn't expect an answer this time.

It was there, post from Jesse: "You faced your fear and it didn't get the best of you. But like John said, there's someone else that needs your forgiveness and compassion.

It's also strange, because the first time I ever came here needing a response, Lloydy/Dave was one of the first to support me!


*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#46820 - 12/03/06 12:55 AM Re: Found my Perp
Halibut Offline

Registered: 08/29/06
Posts: 228
Loc: Alaska

Good for me too there is no failure but great success in what you did. Something inside you drove or lead you to seek him and to say your piece....and you did a lot of work and research to do accomplish that. I'm no T but my guess that confronting your perp or yourself with the perp was something that needed to be done for healing. No one feels good immediately after surgery, the healing of the wound happens slowly. My guess is this will lead to greater healing in its time.

Be kind to yourself,as you said you can't afford too much more of the self-therapy you sued, but perhaps can afford to do something you like to celebrate fulfilling something within you that you had to do.

Proud of you!


#46821 - 12/03/06 04:28 AM Re: Found my Perp
Cooljule Offline

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
you won!!!! you did not become like him...he is only someone that we should have pity for..Most likely he carried all that hate and fear to the grave with him....WE must not bring all THEIR hate and fear to the grave with us...I hope I have the honour to meet you at one of the retreats

Happy Healing

Come heal with me

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