Thanks both of you. Feeling like this comes and goes, but suddenly it doesn't panic me, I don't have to do crazy things to make the feelings go away. I am ok with missing her, usually, and I don't put a lot of thought into what it means or what it means about who I am... it just is. And outside of this stuff, I have an amazing life now, that I don't always appreciate. But I should - life is good, I am happy and healthy and safe and have really good friends and family around me. One day that will be enough.
I guess this is growing up.