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#466701 - 06/17/14 12:16 AM Re Introducing Myself
charlesxy Offline

Registered: 06/09/12
Posts: 32
Hi...I was here some time ago and now I am back. I was wondering if anyone could recommend a therapist in the NYC area who accepts insurance? It appears that there are not easy to find.

My issue is that I was abused by a neighbor when I was very young, and I never told my parents.

Now, I am almost 40, never married and my parents are getting very old.

I do not know whether it's worth getting into all this at this point. One psychologist asked me what my motivation would be f or me to tell my parents. I guess I want to know why I was left with that neighbor and what happened to him. But then, if I find him, what to do? Revenge and risk jail? What if my parents don't believe me? What if they do believe me and it destroys them?

Anyone have any thoughts/experience with what I have described?

Thank you.

#466719 - 06/17/14 12:34 PM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: charlesxy]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hello charlesxy,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad for you have returned to MS.

I am sorry that I cannot offer you any names of therapists in NYC.
However, on the man page of the Malesurvivor website, there is a link to locate a therapist. see link to the main page, and look in the upper right of the screen.

I never told my parents either, I was 8 yrs old when I suffered the abuse, and still haven't told them and I am 48.
I don't see that I have anything to gain from doing so.
Who I choose to disclose to is based entirely on my need for support, and those in my life whom I believe would offer support.
It is a very small circle of people who know of the abuse I suffered.

You sound like you have questions at least, and perhaps anger toward them for placing you in harms way.
That is certainly where some of my real feelings lie.
Ultimately I think you need to do what helps you most in your recovery.

Please reject the idea of revenge, this can only lead to more harm for you.
Pursuing charges can be cathartic, as I have read from some who have done so, but also emotionally difficult and not always successful.
You may need to decide what is most important to you.
I never knew the man who abused me, so pursuing charges was a non starter.
If I knew who it was, I think I would pursue charges, to give me peace of mind that he was no longer able to harm any other children.
My motivation would be one of being a protector.

I hope you can find the help and support you need.

Keep well and take care.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

#466761 - 06/18/14 09:49 PM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: charlesxy]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome Charlesxy,

Its always sad to welcome another newcomer to MS, but at the same time, wonderful to see you on the road to healing. Try the search engine at Psychology Today: Psychology Today: NY Therapists

My abuser was a neighbor too.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#466764 - 06/19/14 12:12 AM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: Adam A Gedman]
charlesxy Offline

Registered: 06/09/12
Posts: 32
Thank you. I appreciate your response and thoughts.

#466765 - 06/19/14 12:12 AM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: charlesxy]
charlesxy Offline

Registered: 06/09/12
Posts: 32
Thanks to both of you.

#466766 - 06/19/14 12:13 AM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: Jude]
charlesxy Offline

Registered: 06/09/12
Posts: 32

May I ask if any action was taken against the neighbor? Did your parents know?

#466847 - 06/20/14 09:53 PM Re: Re Introducing Myself [Re: charlesxy]
Bluedogone Offline

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 1015
Loc: Southern US
Hi charlesxy,

From another Charles, welcome back to MS. And I'm still sorry it's necessary for you to be here.

I don't have a recommendation for a therapist, I haven't had one since my first encounter with a counselor several years ago. At the time, she told me that I really didn't have a serious problem, and was wasting my money on therapy. I believed her then, but in looking back it seems we both had serious problems. From some of the other members' comments, it's not uncommon to go through a trial and error of several therapists before you settle on a good fit for both you and a therapist.

I never told my parents. Mainly because of the shame, guilt and humiliation I felt would be forthcoming and also, I wasn't sure how they would react to such news. By the time I was in the emotional condition to tell them they were quite old and in very poor health. I've never regretted withholding this information from them because I don't think it would have served any useful purpose for me, or them. The irony of all this is that, when my sons were younger I hope they would have been comfortable enough to tell me if anything as traumatic as sexual abuse happened to them, and even now that there're grown would be willing to share anything that may be troubling them.

I'm glad I made the decision not to tell my parents, but each situation is different so you'll need to weigh the effects of telling your parents against the benefits to be gained in your well being and healing recovery. Good luck with whatever your decision may be, and in finding the therapist that can help you with exactly what you need on the very rough road of recovery.

Whether you say, "i can't do this," or say, "I CAN DO THIS" You're Right.


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