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#466372 - 06/08/14 07:31 PM Screaming......My not so nice post today......
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
I have to vent a bit.........and it's going to get a bit dark....

We had a bill we never owed go to collections and it started a whirlwind of emotions for me that resulted in a HUGE amount of screaming on my part this morning.

This bill stems from his suicide attempt in 2008. I don't think I've ever forgiven him for that and as much as I've tried to go forward that horrible hollow feeling just always fills up with anger whenever I have to deal with things that are from that event.

I thought I was further over that than I am. I think having to lie about the "accident" just keeps the pain alive. Oh he had an "accident" was no f*cking accident. He ran everything down to nothing and then tried to leave me holding the bag with two kids. F*cking coward. I wasn't the one who molested him so I shouldn't have to pay the price for it.

I don't say most of that to HIM. I think it and try to stay on topic when I yell.

The people that were around him that day (I was at work) just walked away scott free regardless of what they gave him to drink or what pill they gave him to pop. I hold the bag though.

That event is a never ending f*cking nightmare for me.

Edited by sugarbaby (06/08/14 07:40 PM)

#466496 - 06/11/14 10:23 PM Re: Screaming......My not so nice post today...... [Re: sugarbaby]
Kylie Offline

Registered: 11/15/13
Posts: 25
Are you scared he's going to do it again? What is the bag exactly? My man tried consistently for a few months a year. Id spend days on end watching him. Couldn't go to sleep. Im going to call the police, your mum. Yes I will call your mum. Just engaging him in a fight sometimes to keep him preoccupied & from putting the noose around his neck. I did try & have him committed. Id call the police but he'd tell them stories & of course they wouldn't believe me.
I don't worry about him doing that anymore. Things have somehow changed. Drugs & alcohol are really bad as you say. Hope & setting achievable goals are the best things for depression. Purpose I guess. It does hurt.
Guess Im just wondering if you can reassure yourself by seeing what's changed in that time? Is he wounded from it physically? Its a desperate act driven out of being purely overwhelmed in my experience. Just swamped with no way out from the drama in your head. Sedatives can help ease the pain in the mind short term & ssris antidepressants can help longer term with anxiety & depression but usually they play up peoples libido. Its really hard when somebody's' only hanging on to you & you only. But its not ou responsibility. Im not taking blame for murder I never committed. I make that clear because he can get anything he wants if he were to hold that card over me. Can be a head*@# alright I know.
Sorry if I've just stressed you out more. Im no good at these things. All the best

#466605 - 06/14/14 01:43 PM Re: Screaming......My not so nice post today...... [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
I don't think he will do it again. I don't worry about that.

I had tried real hard to get him to seek help PRIOR to his attempt and he stonewalled me so I'm just exhausted by the fallout sometimes.


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