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#465380 - 05/15/14 09:27 PM enjoying my time away from the mess
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
So the first couple weeks living apart from H I felt this push to hurry and start working through our issues. I forced myself at first to just relax and give it time. After all its only been a few weeks.
We talk on the phone about our day and get together and watch a movie now and then. My MIL talked to him and told me he is getting into therapy and she will make sure he goes. We have both decided we want to stay together and work through the issues that have been caused by his abuse in our marraige.
However at this point I'm finding myself just relaxing and enjoying the break from his anger and all the drama that went along with it. When we talk or hang out I don't feel compelled to push him to talk about things. I'm just enjoying his company and how much he makes me laugh. He seems to want to keep things light and friendly and while that bugged me the first two weeks somehow it doesn't now. I know we will need to have deeper talks at some point but it doesn't feel like the right time. I'm telling myself that right now perhaps we both just need to relax and remember what good friends we were before his abuse took over. We need to get that connect back and feel safe with each other again. Does that sound resonable? Am I making a mistake by putting off the heavy stuff for awhile? I've never been in a position like this before and I sometimes question myself.
Everything comes from within

#465526 - 05/20/14 12:18 PM Re: enjoying my time away from the mess [Re: HD001]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 541
Loc: NY

Putting off the heavy stuff is necessary sometimes.

I struggle with someone wanting to hear about it, but I have often put people off when the need to be heard is dire and desperate.

Finding different ways to deal with one's own inner process seems like the best perspective. It can feel very lonely at times.

I think the connect between people has to change a little bit for it to be real again. That can feel like a plunge into a new ocean, but remembering the importance of one's friendship is probably a good way to find some solace in that.

I also think that mourning one's losses during the time away is good for healing while at the same time not making light of the "heavy stuff". During those moments when I can take some responsibility for it, I feel a lot better.


Lose the drama; life is a poem.

#465630 - 05/22/14 04:11 AM Re: enjoying my time away from the mess [Re: HD001]
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
Thanks for the reply FB.
I have good days and bad days with all of it. I'm pushing myself to use my energy to accomplish goals I've had for myself. I told H I won't ask anything of him that I am unwilling to do myself. Its hard to be in a place of limbo in my marriage. But I keep feeling impressed to just go with the flow and not try to force anything right now. I still have me. That is important to remember. I am strong and lovely and its time that I rediscovered that.
Everything comes from within


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