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#465049 - 05/07/14 05:34 PM trying to be patient while the dust settles
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
I'm currently staying with a friend and have told H I will not come home until he is working and his healing and can be honest with me. He had finals this last week and told me that he wouldn't be able to really think about things till after they were over. I went to my mother in law after I left and told her about what was happening with him. I wanted to make sure she knew that I love her son and don't want a divorce but that he needs help. She was very nice and supportive and told me she would talk to him. Who knows what she really believes as most moms only want to see the best in their children.
I'm trying to be patient but am getting frustrated with H. Last night after his finals were over he called me and talked my ear off about mundane day to day stuff. He acted as if I were simply out of town visiting friends and not across town because I can't stand to share a space with him right now.
I understand if he isn't ready to have a deep discussion about our marriage and his actions but it would be nice if he would at least acknowledge the situation. I've never been in this situation before and have no idea what to expect. I do pretty well at staying present but some days its harder than others. I don't know how long I should give H before I pull the plug any advice?
Everything comes from within

#465066 - 05/08/14 03:05 AM Re: trying to be patient while the dust settles [Re: HD001]
Esposa Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
Any chance you guys can meet once a week with a couples therapist while you are spending time apart? Some one who can help guide the conversation? Maybe you can make an exchange with your husband? One hour in therapy a week with moderated MEANINGFUL work and conversation in exchange for not pulling the plug for the next 60 days??

#465094 - 05/08/14 04:27 PM Re: trying to be patient while the dust settles [Re: HD001]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Have you communicated your expectations? You mentioned it would be nice if.... Have you shared the 'if' with him?

When we took premarital counseling at church, the person told us that unspoken expectations are resentments waiting to happen.

Just my two cents.

Best wishes on the healing.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.


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