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#46496 - 12/17/03 08:44 AM The new Guy
sojourner Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/16/03
Posts: 4
Loc: washington
I just registered today and really don't know where to begin. I am a male surviver of SA from a much admired and older cousin. After 30 years and tons of therapy for symptoms of anxiety, depression and marital troubles I'm here I think this is the place I should be now. I've found it so hard to fit into society's mold of what a man should be. Especially when I realized there was no place to discuss my sense of vulnerablilty and loss. The sterotype of the "stiff upper lip" has done almost as much harm as the abuse. I'm ready to openly acknowlegde the pain I've carried for more years than I can remember to grieve and to incorporate this in my life in an honest way. I'm thankful I've found you guys your stories give me hope. Sojourner
"Give sorrowing words the grief that does not speak it name bids the o'wrought heart break". (Shakespeare Macbeth)

#46497 - 12/17/03 10:01 AM Re: The new Guy
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Welcome here Sojourner. I am so sorry that you have need of this site, but as usual, am grateful it exists for you. I know that you can find help here. There are many good people here, people who have been in similar situations, who can understand your feelings based on their backgrounds also. To come here and post for the first time, it is difficult. I am glad you were able to. I wish you good luck.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#46498 - 12/17/03 03:18 PM Re: The new Guy
Sinking Offline

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
I would also like to take a moment to welcome you here. I've found this to be a place where too many people understand exactly what I'm going through. I say too many because I wish no one else had to endure what I've been through over the years. But here we are, supporting, listening, understanding, carrying eachother through. No one here will judge you or treat you the way much of the world has treated you/us in the past. We know the pain and the difficulty in dealing with that. The stiff-upper lip has done none of us any good. It hurts like Hell to acknowledge that we hurt, how's that? Anyway, like Leosha says, wish you didn't have to find us but glad that you did. Get what you can from the people here, I've only been here for a couple of months but have already gotten more than I ever could have expected or asked for. Peace.

#46499 - 12/17/03 03:21 PM Re: The new Guy
zadok1 Offline

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
welcome. like the others, i'm sorry you have a need to be here, but glad you found this small family. i hope your find a bit of peace for yourself, and send my best wishes...jeff

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

#46500 - 12/17/03 03:41 PM Re: The new Guy
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA

I see some of the guys have already welcomed you. I believe that you will find over time these are the greatest guys you could hope to meet. There are a lot of wonderful people coming here and helping one another.

Damn the "stiff upper lip." You are absolutely right about how damaging it is.

You'll probably hear this in many ways, because it seems to be a very common sentiment. I wish you never had to look for a place with a name like "Male Survivor" and I'm very glad that you were able to find it.



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#46501 - 12/17/03 03:46 PM Re: The new Guy
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hi Sojourner,

Picture that the universe has sent you an invitation to a gathering that you've never been to before. You wonder whether or not to accept the invitation but then decide to scrape up the courage to come to the door, knock on it and enter. And what you hear is "Surprise"!! You see a sea of faces that you do not know but yet somehow you do. Perhaps you smile, cry, pinch yourself in disbelief but you decide you want to stay. Because here, however you respond, it's just ok. It's where you are, today! So, "surprise" and welcome.


#46502 - 12/17/03 05:29 PM Re: The new Guy
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ime a little late in welcoming you so it has all been said.

So post, read and walk the road with us. There are times it is bumpy but it is definitely the road to be on.

You will find not judgement here only the concern and love that comes from brothers in the best sense of the word



#46503 - 12/18/03 06:15 AM Re: The new Guy
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Welcome Sojourner - As you see, the guys come and go throughout their varied schedules BUT we take the time to welcome a brother in pain. We are all on our own journies to find peace and health. But even on our own journies - we are not alone!! We journey together for we have come out of the same ragged, abusive jungle and all seek the same goal of peace and freedom! It is helpful to realize - we/you are not alone!!


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#46504 - 12/18/03 04:25 PM Re: The new Guy
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Hi Sojourner,
This is a great place and I'm happy for you that you were able to find us. I am impressed by your committment towards recovery and wish you every success. Peace, Andrew

there is no courage without anxiety

#46505 - 12/18/03 05:42 PM .



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