Sorry if it sounds a bit like fatherly advice, but maybe there is something here that may help you, of the things I and loved ones have learned through the years. This is what I would recommend to a daughter of mine:
In this area, we male survivors work the same as any man:
Marry a man ONLY for who he is NOW; not for who you hope and wish he could become.
No one ever
changes us. Ever.
We change ourselves or it does not
If we choose to change, it is within our own time frame, never
He may change, but he may change in ways you did not anticipate. He may become a different person altogether, someone who is no longer attracted to you or to whom you are no longer attracted.
If you try to change him, he will resent you for it
. We men all resent that, whether we are conscious of it or not. (It's so common, we even have several catch phrases for it.)
Women who desire and attempt to rescue and heal us always end up deeply hurt, frustrated, feeling rejected, and alone as a result.
If a man loves you and is a good choice for you, he will rise to the occasion and make himself a good mate beforehand
: not after.
marry a man on the promise he will change.
Literally, get a pen and pad. List the qualities of a good mate you would imagine choosing for your own daughter. Then use the list as a template of qualifications in finding a mate for yourself.
Believe it or not, there are plenty
of "good catches" to go 'round out there; they just are not drawn to anyone trying to "fix" them. In fact, they are repelled
by the notion.
"You complete me" is a BIG red flag in dating. Rather, look for an attitude of, "You enhance my life" in a potential mate. (That goes both ways, for you as well as for him.) Learning this lesson early will spare you many future heartbreaks and sorrow in dating.
You seem like a very loving and compassionate soul; it's perfectly okay to expect those traits in a mate without having to pry it out of him. Be careful who you date. He may not want love; he may need only help.
Be wise and calculating in choosing to whom you give your heart, for your heart may disguise fixation and infatuation as "true love."