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#464480 - 04/24/14 01:03 AM Burning Question
rebecca24 Offline

Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 34
Loc: AZ
is it recomended to marry an incest survivor before or after therapy. do they have sexual problems if injury did occure or not weather on a penis or not. not sure what i am trying to get at here it is an embarressing question

#464481 - 04/24/14 01:34 AM Re: Burning Question [Re: rebecca24]
Cam76 Offline

Registered: 06/26/13
Posts: 18
Hey Rebecca,
I did marry a parental incest survivor, and he is currently in therapy - and probably will be for a long time. I do not for one second regret marrying him, but there are issues related to his childhood that affect our marriage. I don't really understand the injury question, but you are welcome to send me a PM if you wanted.

#464496 - 04/24/14 02:53 PM Re: Burning Question [Re: rebecca24]
HopeDiesLast Offline

Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 62
I'm not sure there is a recipe book = recommendations that are good for everyone. I personally would say having an intimate and fulfilling marriage is probably easier when the survivor is already a bit along on the road to healing. But that doesn't have to be the case for everyone. As for sexual problems, they frequently occur, but again, not necessarily for everyone. All in all, though, marrying a survivor means marrying someone with a past that will have impact in some way, shape or form, most likely for the rest of your lives. If you read through a few of the threads here, you'll get an indication of the daily-life struggles all of us who chose to marry our survivors go through.
Wishing you all the best, HDL

#464501 - 04/24/14 04:37 PM Re: Burning Question [Re: rebecca24]
pittsburgh Offline

Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 105
Loc: west Chester, Pa
Hi: To give you a short answer, yes there can be issues, from my experience a lot will depend on where he is on his journey toward healing and coming to understand what happened to him. The sexual issues will vary from man to man, with what happened and how many times and who. I strongly suggest a good therapist who has experience with male sexual abuse. I would also suggest at some point you talk to them. Wish you the best in your journey.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

#464516 - 04/24/14 11:17 PM Re: Burning Question [Re: pittsburgh]
rebecca24 Offline

Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 34
Loc: AZ
To all:

Thank you for your responses. It has been another easter, and I get very emotional around this time because of my friend Jesse Pallante who has been abused since the age of 3 to 17. At the age of 13 he was shot by his abuser and now has tramati cccccc injury and dealing with the realityof disability. Ihave disabilities myself cerebral palsy. He took me out to lunchn ojn easter sunday called it a date and I was touched because I dont get the privalige of dating a lot of men. The abuse was incest. We talked about marriaged a lot. The man is an athesist and I am a christian and he wanted to khnow about Christianity. I have no doubt that was his first date, having never dated as a boy. we first talked about the incest in the americorp program when we both were in our 20's and he has a tendency to squat as if in pain. i dont know what hurts but this is something he doesnt discuss with me yet/ it is a big mytery to me. i hope iget to see him again so we can talk further

#464520 - 04/24/14 11:50 PM Re: Burning Question [Re: rebecca24]
rebecca24 Offline

Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 34
Loc: AZ
i dont know when we will see each other again, and i dont want the fiendship to be lost. i miss him a lot because i enjoy his company. he helped me when i had no care taker and now he is afraid to work with me again. perhaps because dealing with me on such an intimate basis scares him. but he wants to feel useful. i am trying to help him not feel so uselesds but he keepsw staying away even when there is no reality of marriage/n i want to bring him back to just talk to him honestly about whatever is on his mind


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