I am trying to be compassionate toward my abusers. They must have suffered some sort of abuse themselves because I do not believe that such behavior as they exhibited comes out of the blue; it had to have been learned somewhere. Perhaps I am wrong and maybe some people are just evil.
One thing that has been very helpful to many of us in recovery is the fact that the vast majority of CSA victims do not go on to become abusers themselves. That is a popular myth that places another stigma on victims. Jeez, don't we have enough to deal with?
My vote is that some people ARE just evil.
I hated my abuser but has learned hate is a destructive emotion, it consumes you and prevents you from loving yourself.
think what you have all said is very true. For me, the journey has been much like NS
omething Man's - wondering if there is a deeper angle to everything other than just lumping it into the "evil" box and trying to believe that encapsulates the entire truth.L
ike many kids, I read the Diary of Ann Frank in school. What she endured was an abuse I would not trade my own for. Yet through it all, she still said........Despite everything, I believe people are really good at heart.I
have always been drawn at the deepest levels to statements which so brazenly challenge what I assume to be obvious. Statements that come from tortured hearts carry more sway with me than the louder voices that appease popular sentiment, even if I don't fully understand them. They suggest to me that perhaps the answers are not so obvious, that maybe there are deeper lessons in the darkness we do not see. Perhaps our assumptions seem so obvious that they stop us from further thought, from seeing deeper truths. How could Ann Frank, who was pursued by the Nazis - whose family was separated and destroyed, and who was ultimately consumed by the hatred of her captors - say something as incredulous as that? In another example that I still cannot completely wrap my head around, how could Lou Gehrig, first baseman of the Yankees, given a death sentence of ALS that ended his career at its peak and promised to end his life through slow and torturous death, stand in front of a full stadium and declare himself the luckiest man on the face of the earth?I
was never tortured by the state and shipped off to a concentration camp. I had never been handed as devastating a diagnosis as ALS. If these people, who have been through the fire, could still say something positive and beautiful about life as they knew it, that challenges me to at least ask why. And the intensity of their struggles gives undeniable credibility to what they have said. It begs the question - could the pain that each of us has been through carry similar seeds of understanding if we dig deeper than the relative comfort of our more visceral conclusions?T
here is a simplicity to life, but the paradox is that the simple-minded will never appreciate it. I am pretty convinced of that. Simple are the strands which are woven into a seemingly complex fabric, but the composition is still best understood when seen from the perspective of its elements. I can look at the tapestry as a whole and come to one comprehensive conclusion, or I can look at each strand and gain a deeper understanding. It takes a bit of effort to appreciate such a shift in paradigm.E
vil? I'm not sure. I suppose there are truly evil people in the world. But I think that more impacting than evil
. Weakness covers a lot - it fosters enabling and complacency and keeps others safely inside their own self-serving comfort zones - others who could otherwise make a difference. I believe that my abuser molested me and the other kids not because he was evil, but because he was weak, and very likely because he was defective. He could not say no to his predilections - which themselves were likely defective - and probably never developed the tools to keep them in check. The parents didn't look closely enough not because they were evil, but because they were too incurious to look at it. My molestation got worse after he was caught - not because he became more evil, but because an apathy on the part those who could have helped but chose not to actually made me more vulnerable to his designs. I think it's the same phenomenon with the Catholic Church, with the Boy Scouts of America, with Penn State - with almost any institutional or community based situation involving the double taboo of male child sexual abuse.I
t sounds like a paradox, but I believe that the way to destroy evil in the world is not to attack evil itself, but to attack the complacency that allows it to grow. Nazism flourished not because of Hitler, but because an entire country gave him the reins. Sandusky kept molesting because no one was willing to really step in and stop it - and there were plenty of opportunities. Look at Sandusky - and see how everyone just "passed the buck." McQuery told his dad. Paterno told Curly and Schultz, who told Spanier, yada yada... You can go around the world knocking out every evil-doer you see, but they will keep sprouting up like weeds. Or you can encourage a healthy accountability within the community, and kill the secrets that appeasement allows to grow unchecked.T
he display outside the Centre County courthouse in Bellefonte, PA when Attorney General Linda Kelly announced the verdict was disgusting. Who were these people cheering, as if they owned a victory? Where were these voices when they were needed? The only
people who had the right to cheer that day were the victims who stepped out of that darkness and took the stand, and maybe the families who supported them. The evil one may have been vanquished, but he thrived because of the weaker ones all around him. Sandusky rots in jail as he should, but the quieter legacy of enabling will go on.