I've been there.
It is tough but I would never go back to how I was before.
Really get the part about not wanting to experience your wife's anger - for me this was rooted in the false belief that the feelings of other people could harm or even destroy me. I found it very healing to let my wife vent her anger and frustration and just pay attention, listen and witness and let it flow right through me.
This built trust in our relationship as we found we could honestly express our feelings and discovered those feelings were not the entire picture - we still wanted to be together - we still live each other under all the mess - AND we had let fear keep us isolated.
It's still hard for me to have emotionally intimate conversations with my wife- but it is healing. And empowering to speak my truth and to hear hers even if it is somewhat unpleasant at times.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner