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#463694 - 04/05/14 12:44 PM ED
roose Offline

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 1
I am new here and joined to ask if this is related to being abused as a child as I suffer no other effects that I know of I just recently put the pieces together.

So I have this problem whenever I get involved with a new woman where I can not for the life of me maintain an erection. This will be the third time in the last 8 years this has happened. In the past it would obviously ruin the relationship I would get over it and get back to having regular erections when I am single. I am so tired of avoiding relationships and found someone I really like and want to beat this. Also I should mention along with half erections I start to get a lot of pre-ejaculate. So yeah just curious if anyone else has had this problem or if it is beatable without going to a doctor.

#463718 - 04/05/14 11:46 PM Re: ED [Re: roose]
Rich1967 Offline

Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 665
Loc: PA
I am no doctor but I can say that when I started addressing the effects of the abuse and understanding what it had done to me I had huge changes in my body at the same time. I went from getting erections at anytime, especially when I didn't want it, to not being able to have them when I did. Also the preejaculate thing as well. Don't know if it's just my body changing or my body changing because I am doing so many other changes on the mental emotional front at the same time. I am convinced dealing with my CSA issues played a role because the changes were dramatic and sudden. The meaning of sex changed for me. As I have dealt with my CSA issues and feel more at peace with things it has gotten better.

If you've been sexually abused I don't think it's just a coincidence that you are having problems now only when in a relationship.

I did go see my doc. He looked like deer in headlights when I told him I was sexually abused. He took blood and I have some meds I am on that help.

Good luck.
"Me too"-I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.
My Story

#463941 - 04/10/14 08:30 PM Re: ED [Re: roose]
jas4159 Offline

Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 483
Loc: New Hampshire
It is a good chance it is related to the abuse. i experienced the same thing for years. Being abused put me in the mental mode of just servicing my partner. Meaning until recovery the emotional connections were not there when it came to sex.

hope this makes sense. it does get better thru recovery.



#463961 - 04/11/14 01:02 PM Re: ED [Re: roose]
pete1973 Offline

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 53
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Hi roose,
I too can relate to the ED problems and the pre-ejaculation, constant erections and also premature ejaculation.
I have had ED because of stress and as a side effect of a couple of different anti-depressants. Even when using Viagara on those antidepressants I would get a rock hard erection but I could not ejaculate unless I masturbated and this was stressful to myself and my wife and it took a lot to convince her that is wasn't her, it was because of the meds and the issues going on in my head. Before facing the issues from the csa I have had some ED issues which turned out to be indirectly linked to the csa, I was getting extremely stressed at my last job and it was about my supervisor verbally abusing me and pushing me to share a room with a salesman I never met and the total melt down happened when he forced me to disclose the csa as the reason for not sharing a room and he made fun of me, asked me how I was able to fuck my wife and have a kid if I couldn't share a room and other very abusive comments from a drunken asshole and I just lost it. My last day of work I told my wife I was afraid to go in as I knew I wouldn't be coming home, the anger was taking over and I couldn't control it any more, I really wanted to take everything out on him and I was pretty sure I would kill him so I ended up seeing my doc and put on stress leave and things just kept getting worse for a couple of years until I finally made the step to get help and went to counseling, got a psychiatrist and now getting therapy with a psychotherapist.
So before the csa issues were stirring up subconsciously I would get frequent erections, masturbation was a constant thing, before meeting my wife I did it on average 3 times a day and sometimes privately in public places like restroom stalls and I could almost always ejaculate within minutes. Once the issues started to get to me I started having difficulties ejaculating then the erections became an issue. I got some Viagara and it helped at first but once the csa issues became very apparent in floating around in my head then even the Viagara wasn't much of a help. Stopping the antidepressants and using just Wellbutrin helped and the bigger help was discussing it with my counselor and therapist and finding the right words to explain it to my wife. The more open I became about the problem, the less of a problem it became and we agreed that if I need and/or want to masturbate as it was something I rather cherished when I was younger before we met then by all means do so and it has become a part of our sex life and feels great. At times I feel like a horny, happy teen when I masturbate for her, it is no longer a shame to me that I wanted to do it and she has really found it sexy.
Openness has been my biggest step in overcoming my sexual problems, secrets were destroying my life, for almost 30 years I hid the csa and told everyone I was fine even though the child in me was crying for help. It hurts but in a good way to connect to that kid and help him overcome the problems and grow up.

#464035 - 04/13/14 03:27 PM Re: ED [Re: roose]
Mark954 Offline

Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 51
i'm new here ,also have those ED problems ,i agree with RIch i think it's definetly realted to the fact that when a survivor is starting to deal with effect of the abuse that it's creating changes in my body especially the premature ejaculation , it's makes me feel embarrased and scared to be with a women. does any one knows how long doest it take to get better , i would really like to know about how to beat this thing ..
The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.-Anna Quindlen-

#464044 - 04/14/14 01:05 AM Re: ED [Re: roose]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Depending on your age and fitness level, that sort of thing creeps up on you.

Best wishes on sorting it.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

#464201 - 04/17/14 07:55 AM Re: ED [Re: roose]
justplainme Offline

Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 472
It is an issue of potency, whenever you feel helpless like the child did when you were raped. You can't have enough vitality to have an erection. Sex is a ritual of power. There are power and emotional dynamics in sex. We feel the woman as all powerful like the rapist was when we were small and now can't feel our own desire. We feel weak and lack sexual solidity in our emotional life, and our penis.

I used to have those issues too, until i understood that i was entitled to have my own sexuality to be loving with a women without fear of the abuse in my life. It may be a struggle but just give it time. Healing is a process.

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

#464205 - 04/17/14 01:45 PM Re: ED [Re: roose]
Jay1946 Offline

Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 247
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA

Interesting angle. Makes sense to me. I'm going to explore it more on my own life history.

#464211 - 04/17/14 05:15 PM Re: ED [Re: Jay1946]
justplainme Offline

Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 472

Interesting angle. Makes sense to me. I'm going to explore it more on my own life history. [/quote

I'll look for the material i have on this and share it here.

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

#464261 - 04/19/14 12:31 PM Re: ED [Re: justplainme]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
True words in my experience.

I was discussing this topic in PM's with someone. I used to feel guilty for the occasional desire to be more dominant with my wife.

I pressed on thru the self doubt and it was unexpected fun. And she enjoyed it.

This is a process, for the man and his partner, at least for me. But it can be a fun process.

I would also say that some good exercise is of great benefit. Makes you feel better about yourself, boosts testosterone, increases cardio fitness. If I miss workouts for a week, I can tell it in my sex life.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.


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