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#463643 - 04/04/14 07:41 AM Can anybody give me some hope?
susie Offline

Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 31

Edited by susie (07/19/14 02:41 PM)

#463652 - 04/04/14 11:44 AM Re: Can anybody give me some hope? [Re: susie]
HopeDiesLast Offline

Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 62
Something a therapist told us when my husband and I were looking for some help concerning a few specific issues in our marriage has stuck with me: "These things have nothing to do with your marriage, they have something to do with you personally. You need to sort them out individually. If the issues with each other still persist afterwards, then come back to me." So we both dragged our asses into individual counseling.

What I want to say with this is that sometimes, no, there is nothing you can do apart from giving your partner space and letting him figure it out on his own. As far as I understand you, your husband is in therapy, so reluctant or not, he is working on his issues. So that is good.

As for the part about whether to ask him to move back home or not, I cannot help you. I know too little about your situation. All I can tell you is that my gut instinct says safety first. If your husband has aggression issues, I would make sure that the triggers are gone before allowing him to move back in. Neither you nor your children need to become secondary victims. (BTW I think it's not all that uncommon that the birth of children triggers a lot of bad stuff from the past for survivors and that their reactions are governed a lot more by their fear & aggression responses suddenly. Not uncommon, but not good, either.)

#463685 - 04/04/14 11:14 PM Re: Can anybody give me some hope? [Re: susie]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 525
Loc: NY
Originally Posted By: susie
Do you think there is anything I can do besides giving him space and taking care of myself?

That in and of itself is a lot. Relationships can be supported by this kind of thing done well and patiently. It shows caring.

It sounds like something is coming through for him, although slowly. He needs to go at a pace that is comfortable for him. Maybe you could let him know that that is okay and perhaps you can find hope together.

Lose the drama; life is a poem.


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