Newest Members
FruManChu, Alex D., jgraham, Eggshells, Mk89
13417 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
george of kent (79), HarborSeeker (52), locknbar (33), russo (38), Stewdawg (55), TM (47)
Who's Online
4 registered (Jer, Tom E., 2 invisible), 86 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,417 Registered Members
75 Forums
69,503 Topics
484,762 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#463466 - 03/31/14 09:08 AM A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:03 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#463471 - 03/31/14 09:40 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3584
Husky

Wow you have come a long way and you should not should have would have because we cannot change the past. I saw something today

I have a past
But I now longer live there

I too have journals during the time I unraveled. I re-read them every so often and realize the pain I had, the insights I had, but ignored, as to the cause of much of the pain and unraveling, my self destruction which I could not see because I did not know, writings I do not remember writing or written in my normal handwriting, and so much more. I find the words insightful and helpful to remind where I had been and what was happening around me. It makes me realize I never want to go back there or to those times.

Most of us were good kids, had dreams and a future filled with hope, and then one day it was robbed from us. I no longer say why didn't I tell about the abuse, why did I hide it, why did I allow myself to be revictimized over and over later in life, why when I was loosing time more rapidly than the norm for me did I not seek help. I now know I was not ready to face the past. I preferred to keep myself fragmented I thought--but I had developed this separateness to cope with the abuse and what was done. I cannot change the past and like you I now see myself in a new light, the good and bad.

The last few years for me, were bad and nearly took a permanent toll on me, but it was a time of facing the past, uniting myself as one, learning to love myself and the child within and accepting all aspects of the abuse.

Your writings are always insightful and makes me think about myself--which is a good thing--because it keeps me in check and encourages me to reflect on where I was and where I am today.

Thank you.

Kevin


Edited by KMCINVA (03/31/14 09:43 AM)

Top
#463472 - 03/31/14 10:16 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
Suwanee Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1205
Loc: SE USA
Husky,

Excellent work!

I've found that writing is probably the single most effective thing I have done to address the past and put it in some kind of perspective. Like you, I journaled extensively as a teenager. Reading it today reveals a teenager driven to succeed, but also one with fears and weaknesses. It's both awkward and comforting to read what that kid wrote once upon a time---and some of the insights I made then were rediscovered and at times became the basis for a few of my MS posts.

Keep on writing; keep on reading. We can't change the past, but we can reframe it if needed.

Will
_________________________
I've got this life
And the will to show
I will always be
Better than before
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mev_FBj0Fyk

Will

Top
#463550 - 04/01/14 09:14 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Husky, I must admit, your writing is refreshingly insightful and so well written. I am happy for you that you have this outlet, and also one too that you are able to share with others.

It is interesting that you started this thread now because I am writing a piece for my support centre about my trauma and recovery. I am working on condensing so much, giving myself a voice while also crafting a short memoir that is relevant and well-written. It is challenging and emotionally exhausting because I am going back in time and evaluating what I want to include, exclude, and how I want to represent certain phases of and events during my trauma. I hope the final product will be good!!

How do you decide what to include, how to condense, etc.? I am finding it quite challenging and I have been working on this project for almost a month now.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463555 - 04/01/14 11:44 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:04 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#463573 - 04/02/14 07:54 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky,

I understand the great energy required to do what you are doing. It sounds to me you are integrating your experience--the precursor to wisdom and understanding. How smart of you to unconsciously have set it up this way. You are able to help you now in a way you weren't able to earlier. It has a real healthy feeling to it to me.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

Top
#463697 - 04/05/14 10:02 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:04 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#463714 - 04/05/14 05:13 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Husky. Thanks for sharing this with us. Good luck moving forward with your book. It sounds like an ambitious project. I kept journals in my late teens as well and it's been a while since I've gone back and read them. In a way, it's kind of a painful thing to do. Reading the words of this lost, angry kid who had absolutely no direction at all in life whatsoever. A kid who was only beginning to realize how unbelievably fucked up he was and who was terrified of his future and of the world he saw around him. Not much of that has changed, only I'm older now. (Sigh).

Anyway, I hope you keep us posted on how the project is coming. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Peace,

Ken

Top
#463721 - 04/05/14 09:07 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
I'm still stuck in the same destructive cycles that have defined my life for close to a decade now.


Hey Husky!

I am writing more to my own little memoir now and decided to take a break and read any new comments on this post. What are the destructive cycles that you referenced? Have you been tackling them as its own stage in your trauma recovery? I found that for my destructive habits which I managed to control, I was re-traumatising myself by exposing myself to men and situations that were reminiscent of my abuse. I think taking hold of and ceasing these destructive cycles can be a tremendous break through in our trauma recovery. Because not only are you treating symptoms, but you are eliminating the continuing ailment at its root.

Big hugs to you, by furry, four legged, tenacious friend!!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463722 - 04/05/14 09:29 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 530
Loc: NY
Husky:

As you and I discussed once before, integration kind of goes on its own pace, finding it's way with our help, but also when we allow things to happen rather than direct them.

That's what I like about your post. You are considering the possibility of creating a space for something, even as you reflect.

There is an exercise you might consider. It is mentioned in Howard Fradkin's book (he got it from someone else). The exercise is a conversation between the boy in oneself and the man. The conversation is written out using the non-dominant hand for the child within and the dominant hand for the mature adult.

Best to you in any case, my friend.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

Top
#463739 - 04/06/14 08:08 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Hey Husky! My first draft of my memoir is completed and I am going to send it off to some of my supports to get their opinions on it!!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463742 - 04/06/14 08:36 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky,

Whenever I say to myself that my efforts are wrong or not enough, I have learned this is simply a learned and negative way of viewing myself, and that it is not true. I always do the best that I can. The best that I can is not always satisfying or pretty. It's difficult for me to trust that I am always where I need to be, especially when I am in discomfort and strong emotions are close to the surface. I have had to say to myself, sometimes many, many times a day "I don't know what I don't know." There have been so many times on Monday I would say I NEED XYZ, and on Wednesday I would say Thank God I didn't get XYZ. It is extremely difficult for me to break a cycle of continuously propelling myself into repetitions of the past because I react out of fear and urgency. I understand you really do not want to be in the situation you are in now. It seems to me there may be very valuable material that your whole self NEEDS from this current configuration for you to grow and evolve. Only you can figure out whether or not this is true. Whatever my decisions are, I ALWAYS learn something.

Sending you love and support,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

Top
#463746 - 04/06/14 09:43 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: JayBro]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3584
JayBro

Congratulations--it is probably a masterpiece and just as important it allowed you to see life as you had seen it all those years. I bet by the end we see a person who has hope and can see their life had been disrupted but is worth living. Great news.

I have written journals as I was healing but never thought to consolidate and tell the story from beginning to end. Some have read parts of the journey and to others I have read parts to others. I found their expressions to be telling--I could see their shock and sadness as they were reading or listening. Several said it was not just the abuse but the lifetime of lonely feelings and then the acts that finally unraveled me and made me relive the abuse. They said they found the acts and those committing or sanctioning the acts as disturbing. I wrote from the heart, but I do not think I could share with so many or the whole story from beginning to end. I do not want others to feel hurt because of what was done, I just want people to heal and show compassion. We are all human and make mistakes and carry silent burdens or demons. We should not rush to judge because we have not walked in others shoes. I would not want or wish anyone to walk in my shoes. I have shared parts of the abuse and the unraveling here, at support groups, with friends, the parish priest, the Diocese but the journals capture a more emotional and struggling aspect of events over the past 45 years with more intimate details.

There are parts of life filled with happiness and love which helped to mask the pain. These periods would appear throughout life,high school days,college days, back packing across Europe,living in Ireland, the marriage, the birth of the children, celebrating their birthdays, golf, tennis and science trips with the children, the impromptu birthday party for the twins, graduations and many more times. Then there were the dark times--feeling lost,undervalued and under-appreciated. I was unable to give 100% of myself for fear of being hurt and when I came close I would become the target of some so they could mask and hide their pain, their sense of loss and other issues. Finally the ultimate, unraveling and being lost for almost 8/9 years as flashbacks, dissociative episodes, fugues and hospitalizations and the acts that brought the abuse part of my life to life. And as I healed, I slowed down on the writing but what I wrote shows hope and the glimmers of happiness appear through the cracks. But the most important part of this chapter are the people who were there to help me heal and find life, from old and new friends, support groups, MS, even certain members of the Church where the abuse occurred and a person who gave much of herself. But it is all not happiness, there is some sadness for those that I love and believe I gave much unconditionally along with mistakes I made were not there but on the opposite side of the fence of those who wanted me to heal and were in denial of the abuse, triggers, medical reports and so on.

Today I know my emotions, my feelings and most importantly who I am. The abuse no longer is hidden or silenced and I am in control of who I am. One day I will write again in the journal and talk of how I feel today and how my life has changed and how I look at myself, the feelings of being whole with the child within who carried a burden too great for any person and the happiness I have first with myself and then the people who proudly stood with me on this journey.

Today should be a good day as I trek back out to the suburbs. I will be making some more positive changes in my life. I think I should write the changes down and reflect on where I am today. But sometimes I feel if I write the "good" I am setting myself up for a set back.

Hopefully one day we see your life in writing and maybe it will make its way to the big screen. Congratulations and I admire your tenacity and ability to bring all the emotions and events together.

Kevin

Top
#463749 - 04/06/14 01:04 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 396
Loc: Western Europe
Very interesting post to say the least CH!

Interesting to see that you wrote about the environment and corruption. I spend a lot of years diving into conspiracies and similar stuff. And in my early 20's i also wrote a lot about spirituality. Reading your post is a motivation to re-read my old stuff too.

This part was the most interesting for me:
Quote:
I'm still trying to make sense of it all, but the most powerful thing I'm left with at the moment is this feeling of regret and this thought: I wish I had paid more attention to what I was saying in the past. It was somewhat shocking to realize that the same patterns of self-destruction and emotional/mental abuse within my family had existed for close to a decade, and I just stayed in it, not realizing the repetition of it all, blinded by delusions that some things might change.

I guess ive done the same. I wrote a piece once calling myself the master of complaints. Never did i realize that there was a hiddden deeper meaning behind it untill i found out more about SA. I guess you have to be ready to understand what you were saying in the past. So i wouldnt be too hard on yourself in this matter. Awareness grows with attention, so cherish this little seed which is growing by every piece you re-read from your past writings!

I've seen it a lot, people dealing with SA seem to be writing a lot. I've been writing for 10 years now but in a way it always has been about a personal search for meaning and understanding. I'm also writing my memoirs, but its still pretty much in an early phase and i'm not sure what to do with it.

Thanks for sharing Husky! A lot to pounder about!
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

I now know who I am - I've never been anybody else!

Top
#463759 - 04/06/14 04:35 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: KMCINVA]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Originally Posted By: KMCINVA
Congratulations--it is probably a masterpiece and just as important it allowed you to see life as you had seen it all those years. I bet by the end we see a person who has hope and can see their life had been disrupted but is worth living. Great news.


Hey Kevin, thank you so much for your encouragement as well as sharing your story with us.

I absolutely understand what you mean by still acknowledging great moments in life and their comparison to painful and "lost" moments. Our lives are filled with such drastic ups and downs, and the devastating trauma created by sexual abuse understandably brings a unique set of difficulties and challenges for us survivors. I found that my positive moments gave me motivation to continue to trudge through my most challenging times during my PTSD. And during my recovery, these peaceful periods motivated me to make the most of my time and be "productive" in my recovery.

Conceptualizing and articulating my abuse and recovery process was a challenging thing to do, and I wrote extensively on Male Survivor and spoke about this to my supports. Being cognizant of this barrier, I wrote in my memoir how dedicating myself to learning a new language while working through my trauma was a metaphor for my recovery. Developing a new lexicon, a new syntax, and a new way of seeing the world and expressing myself also applied to my trauma recovery.

You mentioned that you may write again, however you are already writing on MaleSurvivor. When first beginning my memoir, reading these posts was a little overwhelming but a great starting point in understanding where I was and what I wanted to write about. In many ways, our posts on MaleSurvivor are an open journal which is read by others who understand what we're going through and contributing their own entries.

Don't think though of your most challenging years as years wasted. You were where you were simply supposed to be at that time. It was part of your larger journey. You made it through and now you're successfully continuing on!!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463760 - 04/06/14 04:36 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3584
Strange this thread keeps coming back to me. Today we were moving boxes and as I went through one of the boxes I came across 5 letter size pads. I had forgotten about these pads. They were part of my journal and I had forgotten about them. We ended up reading many pages today and a few tears were shed. One long chapter was about my brother Brian. He led a very troubled life. Once when I said I did not want to do this anymore the abuser said there is always your younger brother. I said no and I would come back but do not touch Brian. I always wonder if he lied to me. Brian's life seemed similar to so many survivors, always lost, looking for something, lost to addictions, trouble with relationships. But he was a good person. Sadly a week from today will mark 17 years since his passing at the age of 37. Strange this lost chapter was found so close to the date of his passing. I will always be haunted did my abuser lie to me and harm him. Most of me believes yes but hope it was not so.

It was good to talk about Brian with someone who did not know him. She saw the good in him and did not judge him. She just said she did not know the scars he held inside but he must have fought the best he could. I hope my healing and supporting gives validation to his life because I know someone harmed him along the way.

I realize with the journals my life and thoughts will be with me. I can feel my emotions now. It was wonderful to remember Brian today and to be with someone to share my emotions with as his anniversary nears.

Top
#463771 - 04/06/14 07:22 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
HUGS

That is so very powerful and moving. Glad you made this entry then today, my friend.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463794 - 04/07/14 10:20 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3584
Thank you for the support and kind words.

We did not get too far yesterday with our tasks, we kept going back to the journals. I became enthralled with what I had written. At times it seemed to ramble but the words caught my emotions. The pain was there but it was not piercing or excruciating as it was when I wrote those words. She read many passages and when details of the abuse appeared she had to move beyond as she did when she read of the triggers and treatment after disclosure of the abuse. She has lived in worlds where abuse is prevalent and said, much of it is learned because many ignore what is being done to others, adults encourage children to participate or engage in abuse as a way to control a child and secure their place in the child’s mind, adults are not shunned for their acts on children, silence she said is a sign of encouragement and propels the continuation of the cycle. She saw this in my writings. She said there were positive signs in the actions of the parish priest and my old diocese. She hopes the world is changing.

She came across one chapter that spoke of a happy time in my life. She found it, started reading and laughing. I looked at her and she said what is wrong. Why are you laughing? I had forgotten about this chapter and remembered I wrote it to my children. I had tried to tell the story many times but if I ever began to talk about this time or my childhood the conversation would be commandeered to others childhoods. It was an experience that I will never forget. After college I backpacked across Europe on the rails on my way to a six week internship in Greece. She asked me to tell her about my adventures. It was the first time anyone asked me and I had become conditioned not to tell this experience or anything else from my life because I was never allowed to finish. My life, as I saw it was not important to be told as were the lives of others where the same stories were told over and over. I started how the journey began in leaving JFK to London and returning to JFK three and half months later. I was excited and looking forward to a journey into another world. I covered many miles and countries, met family who lived in Ireland and England, met many other travelers from the US and European countries—laughing and learning about lives everywhere, experiencing how others lived and living by Frommer’s Europe on $5 a day. As I talked I remembered so many of the people I met, from a relative of Pavlov (from Pavlov dogs), The Hotel California in Paris, the gourmet French dinner in San Michel at a restaurant run by a former woman of the night—appetizer bologna, the hostels, the young woman from Denmark on the rock covered beaches of Nice, to the kind farmer who took me to his family one night as I was hitchhiking through Ireland trying to find a family member, the family I met in Germany where a cousin was an au pair and how they welcomed me in and invited me to the local neighborhood festival the next day, the many young people I met from all over the world during my internship and the parties and travels we made to the islands of Greece, the early morning hike down the Samaria gorge and seeing the elderly woman selling drinks in their dark black garb to sustain the hikers when the temperatures approached 100 degrees, the Mass in the catacombs to walking the coliseum (which cannot be done now), the quick tour of Louvre for those of us who are art challenged and so much more. I must have talked about this for over an hour. We laughed at the stories and fun I had. She has an appreciation for travel as she has lived abroad for many years and will soon return for another assignment. It was a simple experience, no frills but filled with laughter and fun and for me, I was free of the past, the world in which I had lived. No memories of the abused consumed my mind during this adventure. I always wanted to tell the children but for me I felt it was not allowed or important. Maybe one day they will read the journal and learn the simplest parts of my life can bring joy and happiness. I was glad we came along this chapter it took away from the heaviness that is found in many parts of my journal. Laughter is an excellent medicine.

I am glad to have rediscovered this part of my journal. There were good moments in life but I believe many were temporarily lost as I unraveled and began to heal.

Top
#463796 - 04/07/14 11:22 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:05 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#463798 - 04/07/14 11:58 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:06 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#463847 - 04/08/14 11:14 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
KMCINVA- wow!! I read your post yesterday, and it felt like I was reading an excerpt from a motivational, inspiring book!! That is absolutely so beautiful and I am glad you shared that with us! I feel humbled! I have been thinking about what you wrote a lot these past 24 hours and I still don't know what to say. Just that it really moved me and I am happy for you and your wife to have shared that experience. I was also able to vividly imagine the experiences in Europe you described. Isn't life beautiful? We are ABSOLUTELY more than our abuse- and we should never forget that!!

And thank you Husky!! HUGS It is only 4 pages, but was much longer before! I am passing around to my close friends and my therapist to read over before I send it in to the support centre where I go to which is collecting stories of peoples' experiences with trauma to get them published.
BTW you mentioned that you struggled with gambling- are there support services for that where you are? I noticed that the subways and buses I ride everyday are running an ad campaign for last few months for support services for gambling addictions. It's everywhere!!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#463848 - 04/08/14 11:52 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3584
Jaybro

Thank you for the kind words. I feel inspired by many around me,included those here at MS. It takes feeling good about yourself, being appreciated and encouraged to heal. I feel safe these days, I no longer fear words or actions of others, I have removed myself from having to face. Triggers are less and less these days, I can prepare myself and have learned how to cope differently.

I have learned on this healing journey that people are people and I like to believe most are loving, kind and compassionate--because I have met so many as I healed. There will always be people that bring harm to others, reflect their own pain and issues on to others to hide from their own truths. But for me I have learned to walk away or hold at bay those that continue to hurt. I know I have hurt others and I am sorry for all hurt I may have inflicted, others can never say they were wrong or sorry.

I have been sharing with a special friend my past and she has given support. She has been instrumental in my healing. She listens and is non judgmental, she understands trauma and has lived a life where she has witnessed more than most. My wife, now former wife are no longer. The trials and tribulations of CSA, PTSD and other issues created a divide too great to mend. Despite what I have lived, today I am feeling whole and wish everyone a good life. I have learned to judge others is not my role, because I do not know the pain and scars they carry within. I have also learned asking for help and recognizing your past and issues is a sign of strength and not weakness. It is easier to hide and deny until the day comes when the past takes control.

Top
#463852 - 04/08/14 01:13 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Fantastic news!!! I think I know very much of what you are talking about, and it is like I am reading a page from my own "book" wink
So happy for you, my friend!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

Top
#464932 - 05/04/14 12:17 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:06 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#464945 - 05/04/14 04:10 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
Suwanee Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1205
Loc: SE USA
Husky,

Because I've revisited old journals of my own, I won't mince words here. Tread very carefully with the past. Treat it like an inoculation. Take just enough of the pathogen to build up a resistance, but not so much that it makes you ill.

That said, it isn't an approach for everyone since you are dealing with the past which is immutable and a source of continued pain and frustration if you are not careful. It's a fine line to walk. I've found re-reading journals to be very helpful, but only when balanced with an appreciation of what DID go well, and the untapped potential of the future---whether it is two hours, two weeks, or twenty years forward.

Be careful. Be kind to yourself. Be well.

Will
_________________________
I've got this life
And the will to show
I will always be
Better than before
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mev_FBj0Fyk

Will

Top
#464951 - 05/04/14 07:01 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
PhoenixRising Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 131
Husky

Have just read this part of the thread, but it struck a chord because I am also writing two separate pieces, a play and a book, and finding that as I write, many difficult feelings come up that I might have thought were gone. My writings tend to also be revelatory, and they unearth much that is unresolved.
I echo what Suwanee says, in that when I move too quickly, I get overwhelmed. I think I could liken it sometimes to when you redress a wound, you know take the gauze off, and underneath the wound has not healed yet. It is slow, and can be painful, but if one is to keep the dressing clean, it must be done. Eventually the wound can be open to air.
My thoughts would be too find allies this time as you enter this material, that you indeed are not alone, and be gentle. Be loving. It is the vulnerable the child that enters, I believe.

Steve
_________________________
Alone, we are isolated, open to persecution, abuse, violence and our own pain. Together, we are a powerful force of men, who have, despite any reason to tell us otherwise, remained with some particle of hope, some seed of a compassionate world..together we are undeniably strong..and they know that.

Top
#464953 - 05/04/14 09:24 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 530
Loc: NY
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
I'm wondering how the hell I came out in one piece, alive...


This is probably a good starting place for a memoir or reflection. Knowing what has kept us ticking is authentic, real and probably indicative of deeper resources that are struggling to be heard and expressed.

Hope you can continue to find help for that which is healthy within.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

Top
#465021 - 05/06/14 02:17 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Loc: California
Husky,
Reading your thoughts here I'd say you are not "troubled and damaged" as you say, but healed with war wounds (scars).

Think about it. Every motion picture warrior has been depicted with at least one trademark scar. From Hercules and Conan the Warrior to Stallone's Rocky. Even the G.I. Joe action figure was introduced with a war scar on his cheek. It makes you interesting. It is the mark of one who survived an intensely threatening situation.

Please keep us posted on the novel; you have a battalion of survivors here cheering you on.
_________________________
I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

Top
#465044 - 05/07/14 07:40 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 12:06 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.