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#46325 - 11/22/06 01:15 PM Something to share
VN Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
This is not full about the abuse issues. But it is, it is such powerful thing to me, I wanted to share it here, open. It mean so much to me.

For anyone who do not know me, when I was younger, I had a child with my girlfriend of the time. We lose our daughter just before she is two years age, at end of November 1999. It is been issue so much for me, just so much even as the abuse issues, I do not know which has been more damage and more pain to me.

My girlfriend, she did not know of the sexual abuse, only of my father's physical abuses. Early this year, I speak some of the abuse, public, it was just situation that present itself, I did not plan of it. After that, my ex-girlfriend, she contact me quite angry with me, she did not understand so much of the situation, but she did not see how I could been 'abuse' in that way by my mother. She call me some names, and then, she tell to me, well, perhaps you just wanted a child so you could do same to her. It hurt me, very much, never I ever harm my child, or would even to think it. That child, she was my heart, my life.

So we have not talk since I have been in U.S. This last few weeks, I have been in some time with a friend and some work in Moscow. When we return to moscow few days ago from traveling, my sister tell to me that my ex-girlfriend, she contact her to try to find me, say she wish to contact me while I am there. Finally, yesterday, she call to me yesterday, and I say yes, you can come here and we can talk, or I can meet her somewhere. She come to see me, and we talk. She apologize, what she say before. She say she was very upset of it, to speak so much of it and that never I tell her of it, and it upset her. Other things, we talk on, and she is happy now, she have husband and child now, and will soon enough have another one.

We talk some on our daughter, and it was not so very sad, we was able to talk some on good things of her. She tell to me she have something, she wish to give to me, she feels I need it more then she do. When our daughter died, we give her toys, her clothes, all to orphan home, we did not see reason to keep them. I did not know there still is anything of hers. But Larissa give to me something, a stuff bear that we get together for the baby when she is first born. The bear was more big then her for the first year she is alive, but after that, she love it, she always would have it with her, she would sleep with it and chew on it, it just was her favorite toy. I did not know even she still have it, and she pull it from this bag to give to me. I almost just fall over, and just start crying, and cried for hours. I could not even think, or speak, just so much feelings of it all. I actual, I fall asleep with that bear, and sleep the night with it. I know it is silly, and crazy, but I swear it, that it even still smell of her, and feel of her. For first time, long time, I can sleep more, and not hurt so much to think on her.

I know it sound it is crazy, I am adult man, and big one, but I swear, I think I maybe will sleep with that bear forever the rest of my life now. For some moments now, finally, I feel something peace.


#46326 - 11/22/06 02:02 PM Re: Something to share
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
visha ,its so good to hear this ,it is very good ,im glad she gave you the bear and im glad you can find some peace. you sure deserve it . shadow

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#46327 - 11/22/06 05:46 PM Re: Something to share
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States
Hi Visha. I never had kids myself, so I can't REALLY compare the sense of loss that you went through but.............

I had a rottweiler for ten years and he had many different toys. I kept them all. I kept his collar and his leash and his ball and his frisbee and his ID tags. Whenever I pick up and look at these objects, it helps me remember the good times.

Your daughter, (what was her name?) knows how much you loved her, more than we at MS know.

#46328 - 11/22/06 06:53 PM Re: Something to share
Halibut Offline

Registered: 08/29/06
Posts: 228
Loc: Alaska

I am so glad for you!!!! What a nice thing your ex-girlfriend did for you in giving you not only the bear, but an apology and more importantly the peace you deserve and the connnection with your daughter. I am glad you are able to sleep, and had a great cry that got so many years of pain out.

Thanks for sharing the good news my friend!!!


#46329 - 11/23/06 03:04 AM Re: Something to share
markgreyblue Offline

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA

Thank you very much for sharing this. It's so nice you had a comforting reunion with Larissa
and also such a gift too. A loving thing to have shared with you. For you to then share the event with us - was very nice of you too.


" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous

#46330 - 11/23/06 03:10 AM Re: Something to share
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Visha, I cried to read this, and yes, it is good that she gave you that bear that must mean so much to her.

I hope the bear gives you strength and courage.
You have a part of your daughters life with you,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#46331 - 11/23/06 04:37 AM Re: Something to share
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY

Thank you for sharing your good news with us. What a wonderful gift that was! I'm glad you finally have that peaceful feeling that we all so much deserve!

Recovery is Possible!


Recovery is Possible!

#46332 - 11/23/06 06:45 AM Re: Something to share
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Thank-you for having the courage to share what's on your heart with us. You give so many of us courage when you talk about these things that are so close and so emotional to you. They say talking of the hurt can help bring peace, so keep talking.

This time you've been able to share how you've begun to find peace, and that makes us happy for you. We stand side by side with you looking into the future and helping you face whatever it holds.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#46333 - 11/23/06 08:30 AM Re: Something to share
Elad 12 Offline

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast

There is nothing crazy about it. I think it is a healing thing and I am so so happy for you.


#46334 - 11/23/06 08:57 AM Re: Something to share
Paul1959 Offline

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Again, I say it. You are such a strong man to deal with all this. I am so glad that you finally have something to hold onto for your journey of grief and recovery.

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