This is not to say I am opposed to or in any way disrespectful or hold malice against those who do. I just don't. However, I consider myself a spiritual agnostic, who happens to be a Unitarian.
But I wasn't always this way.
I grew up in the Lutheran church. I lived and breathed it. I attended school there most of my childhood. I was confirmed and participated in the Holy Sacraments. I went to Sunday school, vacation Bible school, and Lutheran summer camp. This was my life. I knew (and still know) much of the Bible inside and out. Heck, my dad even took steps to become a minister (his alcholism probably is why they passed him over). But something changed pretty early on for me.
I never quite fit in in school. I was the kid who was perpetually bullied, demeaned, and had no friends (remember this is Lutheran school)... except God. He was there. Then at age 9 when a neighbor boy (my only "friend") raped me, I started to wonder where this all loving God was. Then I figured that this was like the Job story. He was testing me. So even as damaged and broken as I was after that, I kept my faith in Him.
Then the next "friend" raped me.
Job experienced a heap of troubles. I hated myself wanted to die, but was always taught suicide was a sin and the last thing I wanted to do was sin and not have a chance to ask for forgiveness. My faith was erroding as my life took a downward spiral that my 11 year old brain wasn't physically capable of comprehending (my brain now can't either). During this nightmare, the bullying increased, my school work went straight to hell, and my disfunctional family was falling apart (my parents split then). My faith still flickered on, barely.
My troubles were just starting.
When my mom married her husband, who would go on to sexually abuse and rape me on a daily basis for 3 years, that's when I realized, either God is dead or He was never there to begin with.
This was a hard struggle for me. In my mid teens, I endured a grueling crisis of faith. In the end, I concluded that maybe there is or maybe there isn't a God. If there was one, then He wasn't an interventionalist God.
This story has a semi-happy ending.
Despite my problems defining God or lack there of, I still wanted a community like most church going people have. But where does an agnostic like myself go for that? Insert the Unitarian Universalist church. I have been a member for almost a year now and am very happy to have a group of friends and support who are like minded, good hearted, loving people.
I hope I didn't offend anyone. I sincerly apologize if I have. I took my time writing this to be careful to be sensitive to others who do not share my spiritual beliefs.
Thanks for reading.