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#461313 - 02/23/14 05:43 AM Having a hard time taking the next step
CA_Bob Offline

Registered: 02/22/14
Posts: 5
Loc: California
I wrote in my introduction how I finally broke my silence and told my wife and a counselor about the abuse that occurred while I was in the hospital. I was told by my counselor that I need to report the abuse to the police. I agree with her, but I am having a hard time forcing myself to make the phone call.

I have to admit that when I told my wife and described what happened to me, I lost all composure and was a blubbering fool for a better part of an hour. I know for a fact that I will have to divulge every last painful detail of the abuse police officer who takes the report. This is something I am NOT looking forward to.

Another thing that has preoccupied my mind the past few days is the probable trial of my abuser. Telling a jury what happened is not my idea of fun.

The last problem I have is figuring out who to report the abuse to; the police or the sheriff. The hospital where the abuse occurred is in a different city than where I live, but the hospital is in the same county which I live. Who should I call?

Any help will be appreciated.

#461314 - 02/23/14 06:08 AM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hey Bob,

You can contact your state's victim advocacy organization. They will provide support and advice through the whole process. They will even accompany you to the police interview and any court proceedings. The link that follows is for the Justice Department's Office for Victims of Crime. Use the U.S. map to find victim's resources in your state:

Here are a couple of other useful websites:

National Organization for Victim Assistance
National Center for Victims of Crime

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#461524 - 02/26/14 05:02 AM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]
CA_Bob Offline

Registered: 02/22/14
Posts: 5
Loc: California
Thanks Jude

Found local resources and found exactly what I needed. They even helped me contact the proper authorities.


#461538 - 02/26/14 12:18 PM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3861
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm happy that you found needed support Bob.
Keep us updated!

My story

#461547 - 02/26/14 04:12 PM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3825
I am happy you are finding support. Reporting can be difficult and trying experience. I reported to the parish and diocese my abuse and I was received with compassion and understanding. Legally I have little options, civilly or criminally--the statutes of limitations have expired and criminal or civil charges cannot be brought forward. The Diocese wanted me to do something, file a formal grievance with them or report to a Hotline run by the State Police Department. I chose the latter, it was done anonymously. Due to the legal limitations all the police are able to do is monitor him to ensure he is not working with children.

For me the closest to a jury would be the Tribunal conducted by the Diocese. It is somewhat slanted in their favor. I spoke to those that went through the Tribunal and none found it helped them heal and for some set them back. I decided to use the alternative option, the Hotline.00000

I hope you have more legal options than I. I also hope you talk to others who have gone through the legal process so you can prepare yourself for what may be thrown at you. I think all the bas***ds should be locked up and the key thrown away. But sadly many of these abusers find support from their parishioners, families, friends despite their lack of specific knowledge of what occurred. Each time a victim is re-victimized by these supporters or those who deny CSA, it is a sign of support and acceptance of the abuse perpetrated by the abuser-and another element of abuse for the victim

Only you can decide how you move forward. It will be the right decision for you and do not second guess yourself.

I wish you well and remember we are here to support and help you on your journey. Lean on your supporters.


#463120 - 03/25/14 01:31 PM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]
zip14 Offline

Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 128
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I too recently broke my silence after four decades. Since my interview with Police I have felt different. Vulnerable maybe. I think you will find that reporting is a difficult if not an excruciating but needed step. I just felt that I needed to get it out and didn't want to get to the end of my life wishing I had.

I had kept this in a box for so long and survived life rather than getting the most out of it. My hope is that with the genie out of the bottle that might change.

Revealing the facts to Police is the first in a series of steps I will go through. I am trying to figure out how I will be in open court facing 'him' and telling what happened to me.

Will it make me even more vulnerable? I guess I am feeling exposed and not sure if others can even understand. I considered therapy but I don't think I could handle it.

Good luck to you Bob.

#463128 - 03/25/14 05:07 PM Re: Having a hard time taking the next step [Re: CA_Bob]
jas4159 Offline

Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 483
Loc: New Hampshire
report it to everyone and anyone who will listen.

sorry you are so distressed.

good luck



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