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#463071 - 03/24/14 12:39 PM My Dark Passenger
zip14 Offline

Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 130
Loc: Ontario, Canada

Just introducing myself. I was amazed reading through this forum and it has already strengthened my resolve to continue to take control of my life back.

After 42 years of silence I finally gave video testimony to Police last week regarding a teacher in 1971. I was blown away by that experience. A lot of pent up emotion.

I had kept this to myself until my Mother passed a couple of years ago and shared it with my brother. I could not let my Mother share in this pain, it would have killed her.

It has been difficult to learn that this person assaulted other young boys in the intervening decades. We know of at least two others but as I am learning there are likely many more. I am still sorting through guilt feelings for that.

Now I wait to hear from Police to see if he is dead or alive. And then I may be confronting this person for the first time in decades. Lots of unknowns but I do know this- I am now in control of the "Dark Passenger" that has haunted me and that has to be for the better.


#463072 - 03/24/14 01:34 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
welcome, zip14!

you did a courageous act in reporting - and another in joining us on MS and introducing yourself.

this is a good place for understanding, support, learning, encouragement and sharing. most of all - breaking the silence and not being alone.

may you find what you seek here.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#463080 - 03/24/14 05:11 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2961
Welcome, Zip -

Are you limited by any statute of limitations? Is this something you can still pursue legally?


#463083 - 03/24/14 05:37 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
zip14 Offline

Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 130
Loc: Ontario, Canada
In Ontario Canada there is no statute of limitations on sexual assault in the criminal courts. I have since learned that the individual continued to teach and was charged in the 80's and then again in the 90's where he was convicted for sexually assaulting a 10 year old boy. His teaching license was revoked as a result (30 years after his assault on me). His light sentence for this of 6 months and 2 years probation seems ridiculous to me.

With a conviction for his assault on me the Judge will be able to consider the previous conviction and he should get at least 2 years and possibly be named a long term offender. This would see him under 10 years supervision following release from prison.

The Police asked me how long his assault on me lasted. I was stunned and couldn't find an answer until I blurted out - 42 years! It is strange how pedophiles are treated so lightly in sentencing. I believe this is something that must be addressed here in Canada.

We just don't know how many other victims are out there and that will be something the police will look to find out with the issuance of a press release following his arrest. This is all predicated on him still being alive. He would be 65 at this time so we are hoping that he is found and that he will not be able to harm anyone else - ever again.

#463202 - 03/26/14 01:36 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hey Zip,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad for you to have arrived here at MS.

You have taken two incredibly brave steps in breaking your own silence, and in reporting the perp who chose to harm you.

Good on you for taking the brave step of reporting your abuse, but I would caution you in placing any potential for healing in the legal system.
As you have seen from the perp's previous conviction. Thus far the courts are slow to acknowledge the immense harm done in the perpetration of these attacks.

Felt I needed to add that, the guilt you are feeling does not belong to you, it belongs solely with the perpetrator of those crimes.
Us survivors tend to want to assume responsibility, it is a mental construct to establish a sense of control over a point in time we had no control over.

Also just a tip, as I am going through this process myself now, being from Ontario, Canada, there is a Compensation Fund available to victims of violent crime through the "Criminal Injuries Compensation Board". I cannot tell you what the end result is monetarily, as I have not reached that stage yet, but my hope is that it will cover my ongoing therapy, the same could be true for you.

Welcome and keep well.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

#463206 - 03/26/14 03:14 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
zip14 Offline

Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 130
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Thanks for that and the welcome. Therapy seems like it would be very difficult to me. I thought coming forward was going to give me some control but if anything I am feeling a bit out of control.

I have only ever told the Police about what happened to me in detail and that was brutal. I don't know that therapy is something I would consider doable. Both Police agencies I am working with have suggested it but things are just too raw right now. I can't see myself functioning day to day while in therapy.

I have to take it one step at a time. First, we need the 'perp' found and arrested. Then I can think about step two, whatever that is.


#463214 - 03/26/14 05:12 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2961
While we are no substitute for therapy, lean on us anyway. My abuse was in New York State, and the statute of limitations for me has expired. But I at least get to enjoy some vicarious justice through you.

#463218 - 03/26/14 06:20 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
newground Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 1154
Loc: michigan
hey zip
I want to just affirm your strength in finding your voice. That is a beginning of finding a level of victory over this. it is true that seeking therapy is hard ... it is the hardest thing I have done to date I also waited a lot of wears to tell. if your experience is like mine. the demons just kept coming back I might find a way to have peace for a time but it ALWAYS came back. the Idea of therapy is to find a way to silence the pain for good. i have learned an incredible amount about myself, about the results of abuse, and about the brotherhood of survivors here on MS. in time as you are ready I hope that you will offer yourself that chance. you are totally worth it.
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

#463249 - 03/27/14 02:46 AM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome Zip,

You've already taken some huge steps in recovery by reporting, and joining a group like this. I think its fair to say that for most of us, therapy has been a big part of our recovery, despite the short term emotional turmoil it may cause. This baggage has to be dealt with and theres no denying that it will hurt.

BTW, there are many of us here who waited till middle age to start to deal with what was done to us as boys. It was 42 years of silence for me too.

Be well,

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#463280 - 03/27/14 08:30 PM Re: My Dark Passenger [Re: zip14]
zip14 Offline

Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 130
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I am unsure if justice can be had but if it helps others to see someone held to account I am truly glad.

Demons come in the night and break up sleep just as that demon did. Thank God for Melatonin. Thanks.

I silenced the pain by storing it in a box on a shelf. It also helped to stay as busy as possible(working at times to the point of being counter productive) and drinking as needed. Throw in a little self harm in my tween years and you lose 42 years of your life pretty damn fast don't you.

Thanks guys and to the others. I have learned a great deal already here. Even expanded my vocabulary with words like Triggers and Normals!

Peace to you all.

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