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#461918 - 03/03/14 02:09 AM where do you find strength?
TR101 Offline

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 29
i think we can all agree that life is full of rotten things.
so, when you're the victim of horrible uncalled for things, like csa,
and when the people around you can't possibly understand you,
and when you loose faith in the supernatural (god, karma, whatever),
and when the people closest to you hurt you,
where do you find strength to persevere through those things?

#461922 - 03/03/14 02:51 AM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
si Offline

Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 46
Loc: Utah
I live for myself and not for others. I create my own meaning and my purpose for my life. Then I draw strength from that purpose, that reason, and those goals I have created for myself. This is my story and I will be the author, I refuse to have a ghost writer.

#462005 - 03/04/14 03:59 PM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I did not lose faith in God, my higher power.

Bad people do bad things. There are also good people doing good things.

I would say to spend some time volunteering and being around those good people.

It is very true that we have been damaged and hurt. We have not been destroyed.

Start small and take those baby steps in the right direction.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

#462025 - 03/04/14 11:32 PM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
txb Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 416
From anger maybe? I know people usually think of anger as a negative though. But I'm angry about the things that happened to me and the unfairness of it all. It shouldn't have been like that. I think this is something I've always had, just the knowledge that things were wrong and they should have been better. I don't like to write that I deserved better, because I pretty much never say stuff like that about myself, but maybe secretly it's that. Maybe that's why I have never really given up (yet). Maybe it's also that I feel like this mess isn't my real life. Just seems like there should be something better.

#462051 - 03/05/14 04:44 AM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
brother2none Offline

Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 269
Loc: Undisclosed
i wouldn't describe it as "strength to persevere" but more like being hyperdriven to perfection and/or competency, ie being good at something.

Better said.... how did I cope with the internal conflict of being abused...

I used to work all kinds of hours, keep busy constantly, get involved in pursuits that were meaningless but kept me busy, kept me emotionally distant and disconnected to people around me who loved me.

It was a pace I couldn't keep up with.

#462053 - 03/05/14 05:20 AM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
TR101 Offline

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 29
thanks all. interesting that you all have different answers, and i'm sure that if more people respond, they'll mention their own unique veiws and reasons. despite the differences in how you guys find strength and cope, i can understand it all. i've spent times in my life devoted to myself and internally focused, and times devoted to service of others. i'm "guilty" of anger and preoccupation/distraction
so it's relieving, both to hear that i'm not alone in the "negative" methods of coping, as well as to hear advice on how to continue.

#462077 - 03/05/14 04:21 PM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
Strength comes from the knowledge that you can't let the bastards win.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#462182 - 03/07/14 06:06 PM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
TR101 Offline

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 29
the reason i posted this is that my girlfriend dumped me this last weekend.
i met her 2 and a half years ago, and we've been very close since then. she was the first person that I told about the csa, and she supported me a ton through all of the process that it has been.
but, anyways, she's been in Chicago for college this school year, and things have been strange. a few weeks before thanksgiving, she said that we needed to separate because i needed to change (that i needed to get over my porn addiction). she made it clear that she still cared for me, and that when/if i got over the addiction, we could resume our previous relationship.
so, it had taken a lot longer then i'm proud of (its a hard habit to break), but i had a string of good behavior going, and i wanted to tell her the good news (i didn't feel like i was doing well enough to resume the relationship right then, but i felt like the behavior would continue). she, without warning, responds by telling me that there's no chance we can ever work out (for other reasons that she's never mentioned before (something about views on education), and she won't discuss fixing the issues)
i'm really frustrated that she gave me hope, and then when i get closer to restoring the relationship then i ever had before, she changes her mind to "nope! no way!".
this relationship was a lot to me. during the time when we were separated but i felt there was hope, i put restoring the relationship above so many other things.

#462193 - 03/07/14 08:54 PM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi TR,

I'm sorry you have been surprised and disappointed. For me, the most important relationship is with myself. When I am satisfied with my relationship with myself, I figure I will then be interested in sharing myself with others.

Now, if someone comes along and seeks me out, I'm willing to have a conversation. But, my priority still remains what's best for me. If I don't always come first with myself, I won't ever come first. At 64, this way of looking at things is feeling pretty healthy to me.

Sending you love and support.

Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

#462209 - 03/08/14 04:28 AM Re: where do you find strength? [Re: TR101]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 542
Loc: NY
Hey TR,

I'm familiar with the experience of being on a roller coaster with an ex.

I think when we are dealing with such difficult memories, it can be very hard to understand the nuances of a relationship. For me a lot of things just didn't really compute. Continuing to find the road to a stronger sense of myself was, and is, primary. Without that, relationships really suffer and have a very hard time functioning in a healthy way.

On the plus side, having support from a caring person is valuable. Putting support first and intimacy second seems to me to be the best plan. I wonder if simply letting her know how much she has helped you and not looking for any kind of particular response might be a way of keeping some kind of communication going.

In any case, it's really good that you are finding other places to reach out as well.


Edited by focusedbody (03/08/14 04:33 AM)
Edit Reason: grammar
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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