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#462072 - 03/05/14 02:33 PM Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Source: ESPN Magazine
Originally Posted By: ESPN Magazine

The revelation is included in a profile of McQueary published in the upcoming edition of ESPN The Magazine.


McQueary's meeting with Penn State receivers was held on Nov. 9, 2011, just days after prosecutors revealed, in a 23-page presentment, that McQueary had seen Sandusky and a young boy engaged in "anal intercourse" in the Lasch Football Building on campus a decade earlier.

Posted by Pufferfish

Edited by pufferfish (03/05/14 02:39 PM)

#462073 - 03/05/14 02:55 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
Two of the players there report that McQueary had been crying.

If true it adds a dimension to the oft-demanded question of why he didn't save the boy in the shower.
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

#462075 - 03/05/14 03:58 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
Poor guy.

While I was one of those who questioned why he didn't stop the anal rape that he witnessed, I can certainly empathize with the fact that he might have experienced a fear-freeze response and felt triggered as if he was being abused himself all over again.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#462089 - 03/06/14 12:29 AM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2842
I think my very first post here at MaleSurvivor (November 16, 2011) was wondering about that very possibility...

It's a popular thing to jump on the bandwagon with all the other self-assured armchair quarterbacks and berate Assistant Coach Mike McQueary for not doing enough in the Penn State Sex Scandal. They say stuff like "I'd pull him off of the kid and beat him to a pulp" or "I'd have run out of the building with the kid and gone straight to the police."

The fact is, there is a huge gap between the talk and the walk. What about all this enlightened talk about educating teachers and protecting kids from CSA, and how does that even come close to squaring with what went on for years under the noses of educators, coaches and counselors at both a prestigious, enlightened university AND community youth organization despite all the many indications there was a serious problem with this fellow Sandusky?

Several years back, I remember thinking I'd be a hero if I was ever in the presence of an armed robbery. I had it all figured out in my daydream fantasies - how I'd sneak up on the guy, tackle him and disarm him. Then one night I was at a Pizza Hut and a guy walked in with a sawed-off shotgun. He was so smooth and quiet that most people never noticed. Needless to say, the hero in me never showed up to save the day.

I was 12 when I walked in on my 8 year old sister about to be statutorily raped by an older neighborhood boy. Hmmm - I certainly didn't rehearse THAT in my day dreams! I didn't jump in and punch him out. I just told him to stop - and he did. I didn't call the police or even tell my parents. I just kept it a secret. I spied on him often and broke things up whenever I could. There's much, much more to that story.... someday maybe I share it.

I walked in when my older autistic sister was having sex with a guy her age (I was 14, she 17). Although I didn't stop it (I kept hidden from their view), I did tell my parents.

OK, so you may argue that McQueary was 27 or 28, and I was barely half that age. And maybe it gets me off the hook. Or maybe it keeps him on it. And certainly all of us would think we WOULD jump in decisively like we all know we should, and as we all probably would. Still, what does anyone know about this - Really?

Consider that maybe 16 years earlier, it was McQueary in the shower with Sandusky. Certainly possible. Or consider that maybe McQueary simply got triggered - even traumatized - and just froze. God knows there are a lot of us CSA survivors out there. He ran to his father - am I the only one who finds that almost tellingly peculiar? As a CSA survivor myself, when I saw my older sister being essentially molested, I ran to MY parents.

I'm suspicious of anyone naively self-assured they'd be a hero as if it were a no-brainer, and judge others accordingly as if things were that simple. Where were they when I was being molested?

Was I a hero? In one instance, I was sure I would be - I rehearsed it! In another instance, I was sure I should have been. In yet another instance, I just ran to mommy and daddy. Plenty of opportunities, all failures. If I was in McQueary shoes that day in 2002, I wonder if I'd end up as tarred and feathered by the media as he is.

It's just not that simple - even if you think it is. I'm surprised, especially here, that people haven't figured out that the heroes are not the ones who promote themselves the loudest as would-be heroes.

These same self-anointed "heroes" were never there for us - certainly not for me - with the same boisterous "I've got the world figured out and everyone else is wrong" mentality that my own abuser practiced so well on me.

#462099 - 03/06/14 03:53 AM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
McQuery hasn't confirmed his abuse, other than what is essentially the hearsay of the locker room players. By publicly announcing this without his permission or his confirmation, he is (if the story is true) being abused again. I am in full agreement that ESPN is out of line, has crossed acceptable boundaries for not naming rape victims, and simply should somehow be held accountable for their behavior to achieve sensationalistic headlines.

According to the FoxSports article, there is a coming attempt to discredit his reputation as the three administrator's trials are approaching. With the public's perception of the male survivor of sexual abuse, I would say this is a well planted seed into the beginning of the destruction of this man's image.

Although I also wish he had stopped the abuse and directly reported what he had seen, it now makes perfect, clear sense that he became frozen. I am so sorry for the pain he is dealing with now.

And in the FoxSports article, it also mentions one grand juror who stated the following:

In another previously undisclosed matter, The Mag found that one grand juror who heard McQueary testify said he doubted his credibility. The grand juror, Stan Bolton, a 53-year-old employee of The Home Depot in York, Pa., now says he was skeptical of McQueary's claim that Sandusky engaged in a sex act with the boy because McQueary told grand jurors that he didn't see penetration.

"This planted a seed with me. Either you saw it or you didn't," said Bolton, who was one of 23 grand jurors. The prosecutors "kind of glossed over it and moved on to who [McQueary] told, which started the whole Joe Paterno thing

How ridiculous is this statement? If Sandusky was "busy" and submerged if you will, how would McQuery have seen the "penetration"? I just find this doubt thrown on this man as very triggering. How can people like this juror be so off in their understanding of CSA? And how can a reputable news source report so openly by naming a possible victim of sexual abuse?

It all just makes me ramble with my thoughts.

McQueary told player he was abused article

Edited by ThisMan (03/06/14 03:56 AM)
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#462107 - 03/06/14 09:26 AM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Yeah, so maybe because of his own history he froze and was not able to rescue the boy at that moment. But to not go to the police after having cooled off? Just report it to your boss and then wash your hands of it??!!?? I still find that unconscionable.

And the juror who "says he was skeptical of McQueary's claim that Sandusky engaged in a sex act with the boy because McQueary told grand jurors that he didn't see penetration"??!!?? Like its okay if that perv just humped a kids ass, as long as there wasn't penetration??!!??

The whole ugly mess makes me sick. The only positive thing about it is that those boys got to see justice done. Thats more than most of us can say.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#462113 - 03/06/14 02:28 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3790
Comment from the juror is sad but sadly there are probably others who hold the same views. I have heard comments and seen actions from supposedly educated and respectable people that are so disturbing it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

If McQueery was abused my heart goes out to him. I wonder if I had witnessed something that he did prior to healing how would I have reacted? I would like to think I would have reported but my own fear of being labeled damaged and abuse may have held me back. I will never know--but today I know I would be there to pull the bas***d off the child, I also know today I would not let others falsely accuse people who were not my abuser as being the abuser, I would not allow others to say and do acts to push me back under the control of the abuser. But this is today after years of working on healing. I have learned, never judge until you walk in their shoes.

As Jude said, this whole ugly mess makes me sick. McQueery's life is forever changed--I do hope his courage to finally come forward gives him some peace but his worship of Paterno is a concern--he appears to be under the spell of Paterno and still able to dismiss Paterno's failure to follow through. Amazing institutional or power leaders being idolized slows change.

#462115 - 03/06/14 02:52 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: KMCINVA]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2842
Originally Posted By: KMCINVA
I wonder if I had witnessed something that he did prior to healing how would I have reacted?

I did - and admit I failed that test.

#462211 - 03/08/14 08:10 AM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
Napoleon Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
I wish the thousands of boy scout cases where there were "Enablers" and "Concealers" like those at pen state got a fraction of the publicity... But even reporters protect BSA.

Let us just keep in mind that even in lite of the sexual abuse scandal that began in the 80's when BSA was caught lying about the prevalence of Abuse within scouting they still would not run, and refused to even run background checks until 2006 and even then they gave existing leaders with records of abuse 2 years to get those records sealed...

BSA has had thousands of abusers with cases just like this...

Simply sickening, I wish it got a fraction of the publicity of Pen State....
�Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.� Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

#462220 - 03/08/14 04:18 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: pufferfish]
Portnoy Offline

Registered: 03/08/14
Posts: 4
Loc: Washington State
(Hi, I'm new here, so bear with me. I need to start to openly share, so baby steps like little posts like this is a start.)

I wasn't surprised he didn't stop it, but I was surprised he reported it. Bonking boys ain't nothing new. There are cavemen drawings of it, ya know. If any man says he wasn't tempted, he'd be a liar or covering up something.

Sometimes I think the demonization of the acts hurt the victims more than than act itself. How many boys are afraid to report it for the stigmatization they would get? How many live with the guilt of being a victim, when it's not anything to feel guilty about.

The homosexuals are bringing sodomy into the mainstream big time. In a very real way, normalization of sodomy will help real boy victims of real abuse accepted what happened.

#462225 - 03/08/14 06:04 PM Re: Mike McQuery Was Abused as a Boy [Re: Portnoy]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2842
Welcome, Portnoy!

Sometimes I think the demonization of the acts hurt the victims more than than act itself.

True in the sense that the media often paints the situation in a way that perpetuates the damage to the victim, probably to play to the lowest common denominator. There is rarely any serious in depth treatment of the issue beyond skin-deep sensationalism. The words of a reporter during the early stages of the Sandusky indictment ultimately brought me here. She spoke of the "horror" Sandusky's victims experienced. The horror? Really?

My "Sandusky" molested me and my sis and a lot of the girls in the neighborhood for months and months, but I never saw it as a horror - just secrets and shame. I don't remember any of us screaming in horror - we all just quietly accommodated him. That doesn't mean we wanted it or asked for it - but it was what we dealt with and soon accepted as our "normal." That's just the way it was.

Ultimately it was the secrecy more than the sex that did the damage. It kept me silent, and kept away any adults that could have guided me through this mess. The media circus at Penn State just totally missed it. Looking back on that is like looking at it with x-ray vision. I think only one who has been through something like this can truly understand why the victims stayed so hidden and quiet.

The homosexuals are bringing sodomy into the mainstream big time. In a very real way, normalization of sodomy will help real boy victims of real abuse accepted what happened.

This is odd. I do not really know how you mean this, but if I were to replace "sodomy" with "the gay community", I might somewhat agree with the second sentence. The stigma of non-mainstreamed sexual identity such as gay was terrifying to many survivors, and I suspect that as that stigma is finally and thankfully dissolving away in US society, more boys will see male-on-male CSA for what it truly is - not a "homosexual" thing, but a trespass of personal borders. My abuser messed with me and my sister. It was of no significance that the nature of the sexual abuse for her was heterosexual and mine was homosexual. It was just as much a crime and just as damaging to both of us.

I certainly do not agree that the "homosexuals" are bringing anything into the mainstream, and certainly not "sodomy," which is just a ridiculous and nonsensical statement. It is rather society at large that is finally evolving to the more enlightened point of acceptance and inclusion of the gay community into the mainstream (which I suppose is what you mean by "normalization").

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